[Tondtar]

Why the title? Because I doubt if anyone below 35 and unmarried would get the humor ...Which in my estimation is about 98.7% of members here

But WTH ...Here we go anyway (Copied from a post I saw by someone in another forum that I frequent sometimes):

Actual post I just saw on a site offering a great deal on razor blades

"I can't use electric razors because my hair just laughs at them. Kinda like Ha Ha but more sarcastic like when your mom says you are cute but you know different because you are 36 and can't get a date and the only sex you have costs by the hour but you spend the last 45 minutes cuddling and stroking her hair while calling her Vickie, the one girl you had a crush on in high school but she never noticied you until you ran into her 6 months ago while she was getting divorced and then decided she wants you but then decided to go back to her husband who will not work and smokes dope all the time and has affairs and will not touch her in a loving way and she found god which was awesome, saracastic awesome, because for 36 years she was super slutty and now she is like " I don't do that any more" and you laugh like Ha Ha because you know the world is against you at every turn. And a good razor is hard to find."

[UncleWede]

A good razor is VERY hard to find.

1.3 %-er

[FDM68]

Too funny...also representing the 1.3%er's.....

[JayKay335i]

I've got 4 or 5 good razors on the shelf. And I stock up on good blades.

[UncleWede]

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.
As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.


Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.



He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"



He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"



"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."



Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"



His son replies, "Oh THAT...Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time;

PRICELESS

[DoPedUpM3]

^hahaha!

[Tondtar]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.
As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.


Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.



He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"



He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"



"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."



Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"



His son replies, "Oh THAT...Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time;

PRICELESS

Belongs to the "Fiction Forum" part of Bimmerpost - Not humor