[wisesoul]

Hey folks. I've been dealing with a major annoyance that started last weekend. I've dwelled over it for about a week and still can't decide how I should feel about this situation. I've talked to co-workers, other friends, my gf etc. and have gotten a mixed bag of advice. This post might be a bit long winded, but I think contextualizing everything will help in putting you in my shoes.

I've known my friend Kian since freshman year orientation of university wayy back in the 2000s. He seemed like a really cool kid that was fun to be around. In a weird twist of fate, we ended up next door neighbors in our dorm halls and became best bros instantly. We carried this enthusiasm throughout our college life. We both were car fanatics, we both played lacrosse in high school, and we both loved booze and weed like any other teenager. Kian and I have done some ridiculously reckless sh*t (that I can only look back and laugh at) but we managed to survive college despite our delinquencies. By the end of college, we were pretty much inseparable; we 200% had each other's back in any situation. Funny story: Kian actually took my calculus final for me after I passed out drunk the night before. I woke up hungover and completely flustered. I had the biggest knot in my stomach because the final was 40% of my grade. Knowing all hope was lost, I hadn't even bothered to email my professor for a 2nd chance.

A few days later, I run into my calculus professor at the bakery 3 minutes from campus. He approaches me and I just think "f*ck, fu*k, I'm f***ed.." He reaches out his hand and congratulates me on the highest grade on the final. His once austere face showed a hint of a smile. My now clammy, trembling hands shake his and I mumble "th-thh-thanks? Wait what?" Kian never spoke a word of this, and little did he know he saved my a** GPA wise. We sat next to each other at our commencement in utter awe of the fact that we succeeded. Although we both had a rough first few years academically, we struggled like brothers. Somehow we both managed to get internships lined up, and suddenly newfound responsibilities awaited us. He asked me in jest to be his best man when the time came. Of course I said "hell yeah buddy!" We partied one last time together that night and had a blast. Summer came, and we promised to keep in touch. Nothing went as planned, and we became strangers just about as quickly as we became friends.

Fast forward to a month ago, I receive a post card from a familiar address. It was Kian's same sloppy a** handwriting on the front, but a very pleasant surprise written on the back. In the decade or so I have not spoken to him, he met a lovely woman at his job, are expecting a baby girl, and already have wedding plans in place! Apparently the bride's younger brother backed out as best man last minute, and Kian strongly insisted to his wife (whom I've never seen, met, or spoken to) that he would call off the wedding unless I was his best man. I called him and gave him a resounding yes, shared a few good laughs and tried to catch up with time. I was honestly flattered that after all these years, he still considered me one of his best friends. I soon receive a formal wedding invitation in the mail, and I meet him the next day for his bachelor's party at his dad's rented beach house in Malibu. We had a couple of beers/hot dogs, and we eventually stepped outside for a cigarette. I could see the excitement in his childish grin. He wouldn't stop talking about his wonderful fiancé, his new job and his outlook on life. In other words, he got his sh*t together and is now an accomplished man. We chat it up about cars and he's been through his fair share: 2008 Cayman, MK3 Supra Turbo and currently drives MK1 TT 3.2 DSG and Volvo C30 T5 manual. We walk around to the front driveway and I show him around my M5. He was in utter shock-- literally glued to the car. He's always wanted an E39 M5 back in the day, and he told me the F10 M5 is one of his dream cars for him and his wife. Naturally, I toss him the keys and off we go for a spin around PCH. We came back to the house after a 20 min drive, laughing our butts off with a perma-smile on his face. It was priceless. He jokingly mused that he was thinking of renting an M5 at Hertz for him and his wife's honeymoon to Santa Barbara in 2 weeks. I told him Hertz was overpriced, and they should just grab a mustang convertible to enjoy the open top experience on a scenic route. He agreed. We both stepped inside and while he mingled with all his other guests, I sat off to the side contemplating what he just casually said. I haven't seen him in 10 years, but I felt that I trusted him with my M5. He's had a decent collection of sporty cars, so he definitely was responsible. And shoot, it's the least I could do as his best man. After all he's done for me, what's a slight favor on my behalf? I pull him out of one of his conversations and offer my car for his weekend getaway with his wife in 2 weeks. I told him I was gonna detail my car it and lend it to him with a full tank of gas for the trip as my wedding present. Initially, he was hesitant, his wife would not be comfortable, blah blahh... I told him it would be a privilege for me to help them enjoy their little escape from reality. After much obliging, he agreed, and vouched to watch the car more than he watched pornography. Here was the arrangement:
-The trip was to take 2 days, return the car on the 3rd,
- it is ~80 miles one way, he said he probably wouldn't be able to use the full tank
-He was going to lend me his Volvo for those 3 days

So the time came and I dropped off my car and key at his house. I helped him and his (now) wife pack their belongings (5 small luggages seemed excessive, but didn't think twice) and gave him a quick rundown of the electronic gadgets in the car. He tossed me his Volvo keys, at which point I urged him to call me if he needed anything else. I gave them the phone number to one of my good friends who runs a quaint cafè not too far from their hotel and told them to put anything they wanted on my tab. We both went on our ways. The next day, I saw his FB picture posts of Santa Barbara, the scenery, the beaches... I stumbled on his wife's page and noticed a photo of him driving my car, window open, and a LIT CIGARETTE in his hand I am a light smoker, but I have NEVER smoked in my car, anyone else's cars, or casinos for that matter. I was disturbed to say the least, but decided not to let my emotions get in the way of everything. I wasn't going to be a killjoy and call him out during his honeymoon I figured I'd just vacuum the car when he gave it back, no problem. Finally the 3rd day came. I took the day off to wash his C30, polish it, vacuum, and tidy it up as another gesture of kindness. After waiting around my house all day, Kian calls around 10PM , sounding a bit perturbed and rushed. They were running late, but the nav found a good detour to shorten the trip. I told him I was gonna hit the hay, and I was gonna leave his car keys with the guard at the gate out the front of my small complex. I told him to park my car on the driveway and put my keys in my door's mail slot. I faintly hear the rumble of my exhaust around 1:35 AM, but was far too tired to get up to invite them in for some tea and pastries. Shortly after I get a text giving me his utmost gratitude for my help on their trip.

The next morning, I wake up for work, quick shower, grab my key fob and sprint outside because I was already 15 min behind schedule. The car was pretty filthy, but nothing absurd. Wheels were caked with brake dust, splattered bugs on the bumper, headlights, and windshield. Wiper fluid streaks on the roof. I shrugged it off because I was already so damn late. I step inside, and first thing I notice: it reeks! Smelled like a Vegas slot machine at 2 AM. Again, I brush it off because I knew full well he smoked in the car. The carpets have mud, leaves, and sand. I turn around and look at the back, the back seats are dusty, and the once mint conditioned carpets (no one really rides in the back) also had sand and grime. I sit there for a moment, and decide it could be worse. I start the engine, and as I click my seatbelt, I notice a 3 fun size Snickers candy wrappers on the side of the seat and an empty pack of Camels. I open the center console and find a melted (but unopened) Kit Kat bar and 2 drive thru receipts from McDonald's along with an unused straw (he told me he would never eat in my car). I was nearly seething inside because I knew there was probably more hidden treasures i.e. garbage I have yet to find. I pull out of my driveway, low fuel warning. Great, gotta fill up. I glance at my gauges, and notice the car has racked up more than 2000 miles on it. WTF??? I pull to the gas station, and fill up. My trip computer says the car averaged about 9.2 mpg, wow. I notice in the glove box a receipt for a Mobil gas transaction. The receipt said $3.92/gal. Immediately I thought, "that better not freaking be 87 octane" Icing on the cake: both passenger side wheels have curb rash, both rear tires are scabbed up and nearly bald. Front bumper scraped pretty decently. Oh joy.

Dilemma:
I called him that night I got back from work regarding the damages on the car in a calm fashion (still have not brought up the mileage or cigarettes, not sure how I should go about bringing it up) He and his wife seemed super apologetic and vowed to cover other damages I find, god forbid I find more. I took my car to get a quote on a wheel repair last week, but he has been consistently dodging my calls. I sent multiple texts asking if he wanted to grab lunch. Nada. My gf tells me I'm the imbecile for trusting my friend with my pride and joy. My head tells me "it's just a lease" but my coworkers tells me "he just forcefully bumf*cked your ride and returned you a used condom"
Really at a loss right now. Just finished clearing out the residual gunk in the car, but not sure if I can clear my conscience with Kian. I honestly feel f*cked over, but I am not confrontational. If you survived my melodramatic rant, I applaud you. Please shed some insight on what angle I should take on approaching this. I have never felt this disrespected from someone I considered a brother. Anger does not accurately describe how I feel, not really sure....

TL;DR--Long lost college friend gets engaged, I offer my M5 as their road trip car, get it back looking and smelling like a cracked out hooker. How mad should I be?

[NemesisX]

Funny story: Kian actually took my calculus final for me after I passed out drunk the night before. I woke up hungover and completely flustered. I had the biggest knot in my stomach because the final was 40% of my grade. Knowing all hope was lost, I hadn't even bothered to email my professor for a 2nd chance. A few days later, I run into my calculus professor at the bakery 3 minutes from campus. He approaches me and I just think "f*ck, fu*k, I'm f***ed.." He reaches out his hand and congratulates me on the highest grade on the final. His once austere face showed a hint of a smile. My now clammy, trembling hands shake his and I mumble "th-thh-thanks? Wait what?" Kian never spoke a word of this, and little did he know he saved my a** GPA wise.

Just out of curiosity, what do you do for a living? Does it involve calculus in any way? (I hope not ). Not gonna lie, I get a little uneasy when hearing about academic dishonesty but I'll leave that for another thread.

Anyways, I read through all of that and you've pretty much described my nightmare scenario. This is why I would never lend a car to a friend, and if I absolutely had to lend my car to a friend I'd only do it to someone with a comparably nice car (or better).

You mentioned your M5 is a lease. Is there a mileage limit per year? The fact that he's dodging your calls is extremely shady. If this were me, I'd be furious, kind of. The fact that your M5 is really just a rental (lease) makes things easier to swallow, but not by much.

What's your quote on the damages?

Like, if you had given me your M5 for the weekend, I would not smoke in it. I would not eat in it, nor would I order food in it and potentially grease up the carpets. I wouldn't travel on dirt roads. I'd probably buy a new pair of shoes to minimize soiling your driver side carpet I'd go as far as to abstain from coughing or sneezing or farting inside your car, and I'd be cognizant about how dirty my hands are at all times (e.g. if I go out to eat at a restaurant, I'm damn well going to make sure that I wash my hands thoroughly with soap and water before heading out to the car). Naturally, I'd only enter your car after I've showered, and I'd never take your car on a trip if I expected to get sweaty or dirty in any way. I'd meticulously make sure not to touch the windows or any glass with my bare hands. When closing a car door, I only touch the black "strip" that houses the car windows, and I'll only use a single finger or two so as to minimize how much I'm touching the vehicle. Like, I'm anal-retentive when it comes to taking care of nice cars that other people let me use. I sure as hell wouldn't put 2000 miles on it without explicitly asking your permission first, especially knowing that it's a lease. Hell, I wouldn't even ask to put 2000 miles on it within the span of 3 days in the first place . These are unwritten rules that only car guys understand.

Yeah to answer your question I'd be absolutely livid. Definitely keep us updated.

Edit: Added more anal-retentive things. And just so we're clear, none of that is said mockingly. I'm dead serious about those hypothetical, anal-retentive habits . Some of it is so ridiculous that it may be misconstrued as mocking or parody.

[Repoman]

How mad should you be? Pretty mad.

Get the stuff fixed, then send him a bill. If he doesn't pay, you'll need to decide if it is worth it to take further steps to recover your cash. If it is not worth it to take further steps, then charge it to the game. A real friend would pay you back and throw and extra 50 in your pocket just to cover your time wasted on getting damages fixed.

This kind of reminds me about a "friend" that I had and how I trusted him like a brother, he ended up screwing me over in the end.

Just learn from the situation and vow never again to whore out your vehicle for a wedding present. Next time buy them a toaster.

[NemesisX]

By the way I just checked gasbuddy. For Malibu, CA, here are the lowest current gas prices for regular, mid-grade, and premium.

Regular: $4.15
Mid-grade: $4.25
Premium: $4.35

$3.92 sounds like regular, 87 octane gas, although obviously I can't be sure.

Edit: Here's data for Los Angeles since that's where he dropped the car off. I've provided ranges.

Los Angeles, CA

Regular: $3.71 - $3.89
Mid-grade: $3.83 - $4.07
Premium: $3.93 - $4.17

Unfortunately, $3.92 falls within both mid-grade and premium ranges, although given daily fluctuations it's hard to tell.

Let's look at Mobil gas stations only for Los Angeles (the following are individual data points, not ranges) .

Regular: $3.79, $3.89
Mid-grade: $3.91, $3.99
Premium: $4.01, $4.09

The prices on the left are at gas stations that are usually out of the way or in the middle of nowhere, hence the lower cost to offset lower demand.

If we assume that the upper data point is more representative of most Mobil stations in Los Angeles, then it looks like your friend cheaped out and pumped 87 octane, regular gas ($3.92 is closest to $3.89). Maybe he pumped mid-grade, but I doubt he used premium. $4.09 (or $4.01 for that matter) is far off from $3.92.

[m3ray]

Do they instruct students on the proper use of paragraphs at that college?

[wisesoul]

Originally Posted by NemesisX

Just out of curiosity, what do you do for a living? Does it involve calculus in any way? (I hope not ). Not gonna lie, I get a little uneasy when hearing about academic dishonesty but I'll leave that for another thread.

Anyways, I read through all of that and you've pretty much described my nightmare scenario. This is why I would never lend a car to a friend, and if I absolutely had to lend my car to a friend I'd only do it to someone with a comparably nice car (or better).

You mentioned your M5 is a lease. Is there a mileage limit per year? The fact that he's dodging your calls is extremely shady. If this were me, I'd be furious, kind of. The fact that your M5 is really just a rental (lease) makes things easier to swallow, but not by much.

What's your quote on the damages?

Like, if you had given me your M5 for the weekend, I would not smoke in it. I would not eat in it, nor would I order food in it and potentially grease up the carpets. I wouldn't travel on dirt roads. I'd probably buy a new pair of shoes to minimize soiling your driver side carpet I'd go as far as to abstain from coughing or sneezing or farting inside your car, and I'd be cognizant about how dirty my hands are at all times (e.g. if I go out to eat at a restaurant, I'm damn well going to make sure that I wash my hands thoroughly with soap and water before heading out to the car). Naturally, I'd only enter your car after I've showered, and I'd never take your car on a trip if I expected to get sweaty or dirty in any way. I'd meticulously make sure not to touch the windows or any glass with my bare hands. When closing a car door, I only touch the black "strip" that houses the car windows, and I'll only use a single finger or two so as to minimize how much I'm touching the vehicle. Like, I'm anal-retentive when it comes to taking care of nice cars that other people let me use. I sure as hell wouldn't put 2000 miles on it without explicitly asking your permission first, especially knowing that it's a lease. Hell, I wouldn't even ask to put 2000 miles on it within the span of 3 days in the first place . These are unwritten rules that only car guys understand.

Yeah to answer your question I'd be absolutely livid. Definitely keep us updated.

Edit: Added more anal-retentive things. And just so we're clear, none of that is said mockingly. I'm dead serious about those hypothetical, anal-retentive habits . Some of it is so ridiculous that it may be misconstrued as mocking or parody.

LOL I had a feeling that would come up. I assure you I don't use calculus in my day job, or much math for that matter. I'm in no way close to that bonehead I was in college today. But yeah, you sound like the kind of person I'd loan my car to. Don't think he knew it was a lease, I never mentioned. My fault. Mileage limit is 12,000 per year. Damage for the wheels was quoted at $225 + tax per wheel.

Originally Posted by Repoman

How mad should you be? Pretty mad.

Get the stuff fixed, then send him a bill. If he doesn't pay, you'll need to decide if it is worth it to take further steps to recover your cash. If it is not worth it to take further steps, then charge it to the game. A real friend would pay you back and throw and extra 50 in your pocket just to cover your time wasted on getting damages fixed.

This kind of reminds me about a "friend" that I had and how I trusted him like a brother, he ended up screwing me over in the end.

Just learn from the situation and vow never again to whore out your vehicle for a wedding present. Next time buy them a toaster.

I hope you're right. I'll probably end up biting the bullet and fixing it regardless if he decides to reimburse me or not. Funny you mention toaster. I was actually going to buy them a really sweet Nespresso coffee machine.

Originally Posted by NemesisX

By the way I just checked gasbuddy. For Malibu, CA, here are the lowest current gas prices for regular, mid-grade, and premium.

Regular: $4.15
Mid-grade: $4.25
Premium: $4.35

$3.92 sounds like regular, 87 octane gas, although obviously I can't be sure.

Edit: Here's data for Los Angeles since that's where he dropped the car off. I've provided ranges.

Los Angeles, CA

Regular: $3.71 - $3.89
Mid-grade: $3.83 - $4.07
Premium: $3.93 - $4.17

Unfortunately, $3.92 falls within both mid-grade and premium ranges, although given daily fluctuations it's hard to tell.

Let's look at Mobil gas stations only for Los Angeles (the following are individual data points, not ranges) .

Regular: $3.79, $3.89
Mid-grade: $3.91, $3.99
Premium: $4.01, $4.09

The prices on the left are at gas stations that are usually out of the way or in the middle of nowhere, hence the lower cost to offset lower demand.

If we assume that the upper data point is more representative of most Mobil stations in Los Angeles, then it looks like your friend cheaped out and pumped 87 octane, regular gas ($3.92 is closest to $3.89). Maybe he pumped mid-grade, but I doubt he used premium. $4.09 (or $4.01 for that matter) are far off from $3.92.

Thanks for this. Car has been running alright, no pinging from the engine. The bill was for $7.00 so looks like he just needed to get to another town? I forgot to mention the receipt was from SB.

[wisesoul]

Originally Posted by m3ray

Do they instruct students on the proper use of paragraphs at that college?

Sorry. Was tired. Will edit to make it better to read lol

[bimmette]

Wow, quite the long story! I would probably be mad at myself for lending the car and realize that not everyone babies their car. I would probably not ask the friend to pay for damages and then allow the friendship to die if it still bothered me that much. Sorry this happened to you, but I gotta admit, while reading the long story, I thought the ending was gonna be a lot worse, so try to cheer up a bit.

[wisesoul]

Originally Posted by bimmette

Wow, quite the long story! I would probably be mad at myself for lending the car and realize that not everyone babies their car. I would probably not ask the friend to pay for damages and then allow the friendship to die if it still bothered me that much. Sorry this happened to you, but I gotta admit, while reading the long story, I thought the ending was gonna be a lot worse, so try to cheer up a bit.

Yes I apologize. I probably could have spared you guys many of the extraneous details, but I just wanted to get the message across that this guy has never done anything to me or anyone in the past for me to be distrustful of him. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I'm just coming out of the situation with questions like who/what/where/how. Anyways, thanks for the consolation

[Savory]

Jesus christ he sounds like a scum bag. Fix your car, idgaf if he is your bro. He better pay for it. Very worrying for someone to be that blatantly irresponsible entering parenthood.

[Demetrius Joel]

Honestly you have every right to be mad. But I think you should be more mad at yourself. You can never lend your car to someone and expect them to treat it the way you would. Especially after not seeing this buy for what ten years. People change. If it were me I wouldn't even ask him to fix it. I would take care of it myself and feed him with a long spoon. Pretty much a friendship killer right there for me.

[squishy]

Consider it a small price for him saving your ass on that calculus final.

But in all seriousness, fix the damages, send him the bill, give him a time limit to pay it, if he doesn't, speak to an attorney. Bros don't royally fuck up their bro's car.

[BMW F22]

Boy I actually read all of that and thought it was one of the better bromance stories in recent memory. Anyhow, I am sure you have now learned one of the most important lessons in life: never loan your car or money to a friend or family member. You never know what could happen and it is always, always tough to bring up any issues related to money with people you know or consider close to you.

I feel that you offered your car to him as a spur of the moment thing. We have all had that high where you feel like you are just being a good friend and that you would do anything for your friends. When this happens we should all take a step back and reassess the situation. Don't let that high and spur of the moment get to us because we usually makebad decisions that way.

Anyhow, the damages didn't sound that bad so just fix it. If anything chalk it up as a lesson well learned. It could have been worse.

[markus037]

as others have stated, you sort of asked for this. people say one thing but do another when you arent around. Been there, done that. I would never have let someone drive my M5 without being in the passenger seat. With a powerful car like that you know the person is going to want to see how it performs. You should have just rented a Chevy Malibu for him instead lol.

[Inspired]

When does your lease ends?

[grimlock]

Well, you owed him big time for helping you take the final didn't you?
Just curious, what would have been the consequences if you didn't show up?
Him doing that for you without asking first is extremely risky for you - you could have been accused of cheating - not quite the gift it may have seemed then.
Seems like Kian likes to live his life in the fast lane.

[upstatedoc]

This thread is pathetic. Go get your M5 detailed and be on with your life.

[hongsc]

If you haven't seen him in 10 years then I would not have done that. Sometimes being the nice guy doesn't work out. And this guy was a dick for treating your car like a stolen one. Go to Son Tran to fix your rims, fix the car yourself, erase his phone number, and chalk this up to a lesson learned. Or hire some dudes to be wedding crashers and make his wedding a night to remember.

[Seminole]

At least the car wasn't totaled!

[Zeiss]

[John 070]

Yeah you should be mad, but true, it's a lease so it's not your loss. From your story your friend sounds like a decent guy, he just doesn't respect cars. Live and learn. Some folks just don't have empathy or consideration. If he's your true friend let it go but don't liana him a car again. If you owned this car, would you have let him borrow it? If the answer us yes, you got bum f******. If no, just live and learn and let it go....

[John 070]

Originally Posted by hongsc

If you haven't seen him in 10 years then I would not have done that. Sometimes being the nice guy doesn't work out. And this guy was a dick for treating your car like a stolen one. Go to Son Tran to fix your rims, fix the car yourself, erase his phone number, and chalk this up to a lesson learned. Or hire some dudes to be wedding crashers and make his wedding a night to remember.

I'm wondering if because it' said lease op loaned it? I don't even like to loan my 98 Nissan to anyone. They see it as a beater, I see it as the reason I can keep my 335 miles lower. And I treat it like it's my baby.