06-27-2012, 09:27 AM | #1 |
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The Worst Best Man
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So i've come to a bit of a cross road with the best man in my wedding, 2 months before the big day. We've been best friends for the past 12 years through college years into our careers. However he met his wife 2 years ago (was married within 1 year) and honestly things have changed drastically. Never hear from him, we don't have much in common anymore, he always has this chip on the shoulder from me giving him crap in the past about changing who he is for his wife. OMG there's been FB drama, the whole 9 yards, Now I feel like I barely know him. I made him my best man since we've been friends for so long and at the time things were better than they are now. I probably didn't think it through enough at the time. Few facts:
Another one of my best friends has done all of the above, recently just helped me through an injury i sustained which landed me in the ER for 5 hours and he's just always there for me and honestly my best friend and has never changed who he is. I feel like I screwed up and put the wrong guy with the title and responsibility that I expected. Issue I have is that this is my one wedding. I feel like if I keep him, i'm not having the wedding how I want it, and for the price i'm paying and the image I always had in my head about my special day, my conscious tells me I should change him out, even though it may cause waves and possibly close a friendship that really doesn't seem to matter to me anymore. On the other hand my brain also tells me to just leave it be, don't make waves, keep the wedding going smooth. There's a lot more to the story, but this is just the 20,000 ft level. I'm going to have a talk with him this week, and am really considering making the change and letting him know how I feel. Just looking for some thoughts. It's a tough situation and it's also very disheartening to see someone you used to call your brother end up being someone that really doesn't exist in your life anymore the way you expected them to always be there. Even my soon to be wife thinks he sucks as a best man... /rant
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06-27-2012, 09:47 AM | #4 |
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Save yourself the headache and bump up one of your other groomsmen to best man. Sounds like he doesnt want to do crap. Actually knock him down to usher so he doesnt have to be up at the alter with you. Probably wants to be around his old lady most of the time anyways.
I had a lame ass best man. I wish I could have gone back in time and demote him. I cant. You still can. Food for thought... |
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06-27-2012, 09:47 AM | #5 |
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Just tell him that you see he doesn't have time for the responsibility of being the best man, but not to worry bc you'll give the job to some one else.
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06-27-2012, 09:48 AM | #6 |
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Dude I feel you. He's your best man because of the past. I'm kinda in the same situation with you. My best friend and I have known each other since 1st grade. However since college we have separated because he's made new friends that I don't agree with(they always party and drink). I still consider him my best friend but we never hang out snymore(like 1x a month vs everyday).
Can you have two best mans?
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06-27-2012, 09:51 AM | #7 | |
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Here's something else I had to deal with: 1st dance who dances together, the best man and maid of honor and the people who are paired up right? He wanted to only dance with his wife, planned on dancing with his wife and didn't tell me, so it would have left the maid of honor by herself. So it's things like that, his own selfishness that tick me off. It's like STFU dude, dance with the maid of honor for 2 minutes and dance with your wife all the rest of the night
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06-27-2012, 09:53 AM | #8 | |
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OP, have that talk with him and give him one last chance to make it right. At first hesitation, tell him hes out. Relief pitcher coming in to close the game. Thats what I would do anyway. |
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06-27-2012, 09:56 AM | #9 | |
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06-27-2012, 10:25 AM | #10 | |
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06-27-2012, 10:28 AM | #11 |
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well you should have listened to all in the previous thread and get rid of him
hope you talked to him after this : "Please respect our decision, we are married and we made this choice together. I am sure you all will have a great time I can be your bestman but I am also a husband. If your idea of a bestman is different I apologize I am not fitting the mold. " http://www.e90post.com/forums/showth...dding+bachelor
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06-27-2012, 10:39 AM | #13 |
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For a small fee and dibs on the cute brides maids, i want two, I can and will be the best best man ever!
Not only will you think I'm legendary, your wife will love me, her parents will think i'm the best and your dad will high five me. Oh and for the record your former friend sounds like a total dick! Bros before hoes brother bros before hoes! I don’t care what kind of freaky freakiness the hoe does in bed! That's no excuse to forgo your bros...and did you say baby shower? Ok for a small fee and dibs on the cute brides maids I'll kick his ass and take his man card from him. |
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06-27-2012, 10:39 AM | #14 | |
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Big decision, sad decision.
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06-27-2012, 10:40 AM | #15 | ||
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06-27-2012, 10:41 AM | #16 |
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Bump up the other dude. Your current best man is dead weight on this whole ceremony and you can't continue to let him drag you down on what is YOUR day. Demote him instantly. He should understand if you tell him how you feel.
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06-27-2012, 10:49 AM | #18 | |
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I have never met a man who was involved in 'FB drama' have a little dignity. P.S. - if your friend is afraid he is going to cheat that means he has cheated, and that is why he is on a short leash. Catch up with him in a couple years, after he gets divorced. |
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06-27-2012, 10:49 AM | #19 |
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Close friends are the ones who aren't afraid to tell the other ones the truth. You need to talk to him if his friendship is worth anything to you IMO. At least that's how my group of friends do it. Recently, they have sat me down to talk to me about some of my personal life. They repeated up and down, they didn't want to offend me... I actually thanked them quite a bit for reaching out to me because they did it because they truly care for my well-being.
Good luck with your situation and congratulations for getting married.
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06-27-2012, 10:52 AM | #20 | |
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06-27-2012, 11:00 AM | #21 | ||
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No comment on the cheating thing, lets just say he had his "own" bachelor party before his wedding that no one new of and I found out about only months ago Quote:
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06-27-2012, 11:13 AM | #22 |
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Dump the dude and ask the other one. A good best man can make or break a wedding IMO. have you ever fired anyone? Its like the same thing. Sure it's tough but it has to be done.
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