[///Mandy]

Heck worth a try posting this here since I noticed there has been quite a few relationship advice threads in OT...

Here's my predicament...my boyfriend of 8 years travels as part of his job. It's been like this for the past 5'ish years in our relationship. I'm not sure that I am liking this, and thinking long term, not sure if I like this even more.

Am I being too clingy? For the guys that does have to travel for their jobs, are your gf's/wives okay with it? How do you deal with it?

[Greenkirby21]

Originally Posted by ///Mandy

Heck worth a try posting this here since I noticed there has been quite a few relationship advice threads in OT...

Here's my predicament...my boyfriend of 8 years travels as part of his job. It's been like this for the past 5'ish years in our relationship. I'm not sure that I am liking this, and thinking long term, not sure if I like this even more.

Am I being too clingy? For the guys that does have to travel for their jobs, are your gf's/wives okay with it? How do you deal with it?

i think it depends. how often do you see him? maybe if you ask him he would find another job. I knew my dad use to travel a lot before he had kids but once he started a family he found another job where he wasn't required to travel.

[lucas.kent]

How much travel is it, exactly?

I travel quite a bit, and my girlfriend seems to handle it fine - although there are obviously some times when it is harder than others. Believe it or not, I think one thing that has certainly helped is using FaceTime when I travel to communicate with her.

And do you not like it because you 1) miss him, 2) don't think you're getting enough attention, 3) afraid he's going to do something you wouldn't like while traveling? If points 1 and 2, I think those can be expected, and you should discuss it with him. Perhaps there are ways that you can spend more time with each other when he is in town. If point 3, there could be some larger - more significant - issues you need to discuss.

Just my opinion!

[///Mandy]

Thanks for the replies gents.

Truthfully, it isn't because of the whole trust issue. I do trust him 110%. I guess because we were together for so long, I am thinking long term and truthfully do not like the idea of him travelling when there's a family you know.

He doesn't travel as much, I'm being generous with about 5x/year. And the span is for a few days. The most he's travelled so far was two weeks I think.

Greenkirby21, we live together, so I see him everyday lol (if that was what your question meant).

lkw15, how often do you travel? Has you and your gf discussed if you will continue to be doing this or not?

[Cozy]

It's hard when you are used to a routine and then it gets broken. I.e. 7 nights a week you see your partner for 3mths straight and then they have to spend a week away in another State/Country. I get that, you're going to miss them and so will your children when you some day have them, it's especially hard for the young ones to understand but think of it this way, is he really working for enjoyment or to put bread (or M3's) on the table for you and to support a future? I am assuming he's well qualified or well thought of for any business to pay the time for him to travel, which usally means a nice salary.

I'm one of those guys and yes, it sucks a lot to be apart from my girlfriend when we're used to coming home (her place or mine) to one another every evening and then I have to go 2weeks without face to face contact but it's only the money I'm doing it for. We're planning to move in together (knock on wood) mid this year and im ploughing a huge amount of cash into savings so A) we can furnish the place, B) we have something to fall back on should circumstances change in the future whatever they may be, we're at least set up for this. A few weeks of the year is really no biggy in our eyes, not when we look at the bigger picture however, if it became a question of working away for month's then I'd have to reconsider my position...work to live, not live to work but it sounds like your other half is on the reasonable side right now.

I personally find that absence makes the heart grow fonder. All the tiny things she does for me that I get used to or take for granted are suddenly more apparent again and we maintain an very healthy relationship.

[///Mandy]

He's working mostly for the $$.
Once you and your gf will have your own place, fully furnished, etc. Do you think you will stick to this job resulting you to having to travel or will you find another type of a job?

Absence does make the heart go fonder, it just suxxxxx. lol

Good luck on your house purchase! I really like the idea of you saving as much as you can for the place and for a rainy day fund. Good job!

[Cozy]

I plan to keep the job in all honesty, I don't detest it and it/business travel doesn't interfere so much with our lives at all, I want to stay as it's stable and the money will provide a steady future for us. My girlfriend works as hard as I do except where I tend not to work overtime as often as she, she will put in the hours needed so I guess she's understanding of my position. Bottom line, we want the money and as much as I hate to admit it it's what makes the world tick and what the luxuries in life are made of. I try to make sure I'm home for the weekends always so that we get some quality full days together but honestly, maybe one week in four i'm away for a day or two tops, then perhaps a handful of 1week+ trips per year which sucks but phone, text, skype help.

I actually took her with me on my last trip in December, she shopped while I went out and worked, we had a couple of really nice nights away and a great hotel so that's another option to soften the blow.

Thanks for the kind words . I'm just hitting my mid-20's so rather than drinking away my income I decided to take a grown-up approach to 2012 .

[///Mandy]

Originally Posted by JamJay

I plan to keep the job in all honesty, I don't detest it and it/business travel doesn't interfere so much with our lives at all, I want to stay as it's stable and the money will provide a steady future for us. My girlfriend works as hard as I do except where I tend not to work overtime as often as she, she will put in the hours needed so I guess she's understanding of my position. Bottom line, we want the money and as much as I hate to admit it it's what makes the world tick and what the luxuries in life are made of. I try to make sure I'm home for the weekends always so that we get some quality full days together but honestly, maybe one week in four i'm away for a day or two tops, then perhaps a handful of 1week+ trips per year which sucks but phone, text, skype help.

I actually took her with me on my last trip in December, she shopped while I went out and worked, we had a couple of really nice nights away and a great hotel so that's another option to soften the blow.

Thanks for the kind words . I'm just hitting my mid-20's so rather than drinking away my income I decided to take a grown-up approach to 2012 .

Understandable. If it helps both you and your gf live a comfortable life, why leave it, right?
I'm just starting to think that there are girls out there that will accept it and there are girls out there that don't. I'm hoping I don't fall into the latter (sp) so I want to make sure I'm approaching this with a sound mind and any advice or guidance that will help me I'd greatly appreciate.

Wow for someone in their mid-20's you are doing a great job! Keep it up!

[Cozy]

Well I can't speak for you personally but you've been together 8yrs which must say something good about your relationship. My honest advice would be to talk to him about it, us guys are total cr@p at mind reading despite what you ladies think .

Thanks

[///Mandy]

Thank you. We have talked about it before and right now it seems that this is the way it is for now. I guess we'll see how the future holds. I just need to work on myself to accept it more I guess...

No prob!

[lucas.kent]

Originally Posted by ///Mandy

lkw15, how often do you travel? Has you and your gf discussed if you will continue to be doing this or not?

I travel about 3-5 times, per month, for various durations. Usually, it's one or two days to random states. But its veriable. Some months I travel a bit more (last year I was gone for 22 days straight) and other times I travel once a month, for one night.

We haven't really discussed it, but we also don't have kids yet. I also have a little bit of control over where I go, and when I go. So that might be a big difference.

But in the end, she also knows that I love my job and there is very little chance that I would rethink my career choice to travel a bit less.

[///Mandy]

Originally Posted by lkw15

I travel about 3-5 times, per month, for various durations. Usually, it's one or two days to random states. But its veriable. Some months I travel a bit more (last year I was gone for 22 days straight) and other times I travel once a month, for one night.

We haven't really discussed it, but we also don't have kids yet. I also have a little bit of control over where I go, and when I go. So that might be a big difference.

But in the end, she also knows that I love my job and there is very little chance that I would rethink my career choice to travel a bit less.

Thank you
Guess I have a lot of thinking to do boys...

[Draven]

I think it's healthy to miss someone of course, but you should be able to go without seeing someone 5x a year without rethinking your relationship with that person. Just IMO.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by ///Mandy

Thanks for the replies gents.

Truthfully, it isn't because of the whole trust issue. I do trust him 110%. I guess because we were together for so long, I am thinking long term and truthfully do not like the idea of him travelling when there's a family you know.

He doesn't travel as much, I'm being generous with about 5x/year. And the span is for a few days. The most he's travelled so far was two weeks I think.

Greenkirby21, we live together, so I see him everyday lol (if that was what your question meant).

lkw15, how often do you travel? Has you and your gf discussed if you will continue to be doing this or not?

Girl that should be perfect for you! I would think you would want "your time"

I had to stop dating someone because we lived really close to each other and I had to tell him "just because you see my car in my driveway doesnt mean Im available for you to just come over. I need my time too." I even straight up told him, "give me a chance to miss you" and he never called me again lol.. So I dunno I guess though for you, you get used to seeing someone so much. Im so independent that it wouldnt bother me one bit to not see my bf for a few days-2 weeks. I'd find something to do to keep myself entertained..

Ever thought of a painting class? Just a cute little hobby, keeps you busy but productive while he's away.

[Cozy]

Originally Posted by Sara504

Girl that should be perfect for you! I would think you would want "your time"

I had to stop dating someone because we lived really close to each other and I had to tell him "just because you see my car in my driveway doesnt mean Im available for you to just come over. I need my time too." I even straight up told him, "give me a chance to miss you" and he never called me again lol.. So I dunno I guess though for you, you get used to seeing someone so much. Im so independent that it wouldnt bother me one bit to not see my bf for a few days-2 weeks. I'd find something to do to keep myself entertained..

Ever thought of a painting class? Just a cute little hobby, keeps you busy but productive while he's away.

Best way to be! When she's off out I got my guys, I got my car, I got my Xbox...whatever, it's good to just do what I want once in a while, keeps our relationship going.

[///Mandy]

Originally Posted by Sara504

Girl that should be perfect for you! I would think you would want "your time"

I had to stop dating someone because we lived really close to each other and I had to tell him "just because you see my car in my driveway doesnt mean Im available for you to just come over. I need my time too." I even straight up told him, "give me a chance to miss you" and he never called me again lol.. So I dunno I guess though for you, you get used to seeing someone so much. Im so independent that it wouldnt bother me one bit to not see my bf for a few days-2 weeks. I'd find something to do to keep myself entertained..

Ever thought of a painting class? Just a cute little hobby, keeps you busy but productive while he's away.

You're absolutely right that the time away should be perfect for me. And you did make a valid point, I need to take up a hobby to keep myself busy and productive. I've never thought of doing this and perhaps this is what causes me to go all haywire everytime he has to go somewhere. Thanks girly.
Painting class sounds like a good idea, would be relieving after a long day at work I bet. Or maybe a kickboxing course after a long day at work lol.

That's too bad your ex couldn't understand and give you what you wanted. His loss.

I'm working to get to the point where you are, Sara. I do want to be independant and find something that can keep me occupied whenever he goes away.

Thank you Sara, JamJay and all that has responded in this thread, love you guys!

[Sara]

Originally Posted by ///Mandy

You're absolutely right that the time away should be perfect for me. And you did make a valid point, I need to take up a hobby to keep myself busy and productive. I've never thought of doing this and perhaps this is what causes me to go all haywire everytime he has to go somewhere. Thanks girly.
Painting class sounds like a good idea, would be relieving after a long day at work I bet. Or maybe a kickboxing course after a long day at work lol.

That's too bad your ex couldn't understand and give you what you wanted. His loss.

I'm working to get to the point where you are, Sara. I do want to be independant and find something that can keep me occupied whenever he goes away.

Thank you Sara, JamJay and all that has responded in this thread, love you guys!

Girl, you would love it. Look in your area and see if they offer any classes called "Painting With A Twist" Its not expensive at all. $40.00 a lesson. They usually last about 3 hours once a week. Best part is you drink while you learn! lol You follow tips from the instructor but you add you own personality into your paintings and feel good while doing it! haha. Its fun if you get a bunch of your girlfriends to do it too

Not meaning to thread jack but you can really have fun doing this new hobby of mine.

Here's some examples. Of course they're all New Orleans themed

[///Mandy]

Originally Posted by Sara504

Girl, you would love it. Look in your area and see if they offer any classes called "Painting With A Twist" Its not expensive at all. $40.00 a lesson. They usually last about 3 hours once a week. Best part is you drink while you learn! lol You follow tips from the instructor but you add you own personality into your paintings and feel good while doing it! haha. Its fun if you get a bunch of your girlfriends to do it too

Not meaning to thread jack but you can really have fun doing this new hobby of mine.

Here's some examples. Of course they're all New Orleans themed

WOW! WOW! WOW! Are those yours???
No worries on the thread jacking! Those are so nice!

Heck, I'll consider any hobby that I can drink to.

Are you still taking these courses Sara?

[cmk227]

Originally Posted by lkw15

I travel about 3-5 times, per month, for various durations. Usually, it's one or two days to random states. But its veriable. Some months I travel a bit more (last year I was gone for 22 days straight) and other times I travel once a month, for one night.

We haven't really discussed it, but we also don't have kids yet. I also have a little bit of control over where I go, and when I go. So that might be a big difference.

But in the end, she also knows that I love my job and there is very little chance that I would rethink my career choice to travel a bit less.

I do the same. Married 10 yrs, dated 2 prior. I travel every month for 3-5 days to different states.

Never had a problem. She has nothing to worry about.

She did ask me last month if I had ever cheated on her which I thought was odd. :

I answer honestly and that was the end. Don't know what caused the question but I guess Vegas is one of those places I go monthly for work.

[///Mandy]

Originally Posted by cmk227

I do the same. Married 10 yrs, dated 2 prior. I travel every month for 3-5 days to different states.

Never had a problem. She has nothing to worry about.

She did ask me last month if I had ever cheated on her which I thought was odd. :

I answer honestly and that was the end. Don't know what caused the question but I guess Vegas is one of those places I go monthly for work.

I don't think it's anything to really worry about, could be a crazy friend of hers put a thought in her head. If it comes up again, you should question why she's asking you.

[JP720]

United States Army... been married for a year... in that year I have gone:
1. to the field 5x for 10-15 days each.
2. to Texas for 30 days straight.
3. to Louisiana for 30 days straight.

And here's the kicker... in March I go to the sandbox for 9 months straight... no leave on short deployments...

People are complaining about a few days once a month would never survive the military lifestyle. Military spouses are the strongest people on the face of the planet because they can go an entire year and then when their soldier comes home, he probably isn't the same person who left.

Sorry, but this is my personal opinion on people complaining about a few days. Man up and deal with it. At least he comes back. There's always a chance I won't and she knows that.

[X6M-adness]

Originally Posted by JamJay

Well I can't speak for you personally but you've been together 8yrs which must say something good about your relationship. My honest advice would be to talk to him about it, us guys are total cr@p at mind reading despite what you ladies think .

Thanks

True sh!t. Both my boyfriend and I never know when something is up with one another - we've just gotten really good about being direct. Guys need direct. I'd say just let him know how you feel and why and if you are honest thats all he can ask for