Anyone Willing to Review My Personal Statement for UCs?

username604 · 11-24-2012, 04:53 PM

Anyone want to review my college essay? Proof-reading, suggestions, and questions that come up after reading the personal statement are all welcome.

It will not take long to read (1000 words) and I can use any input I can get. I figure there are many college students/graduates on this board.
Thanks! I'll PM my essay to anyone willing to do me a favor.

N55 · 11-24-2012, 05:39 PM

NSFW Payment? May entice some people?... lol

upstatedoc · 11-24-2012, 06:18 PM

just as long as the word BMW is not in your PS you should be fine.

sure, send it over.

username604 · 11-24-2012, 07:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

just as long as the word BMW is not in your PS you should be fine.

sure, send it over.

I'm touching it up. I'll send it in an hour or two.
Thank you so much

Inspired · 11-24-2012, 09:29 PM

pay me to do it. I'm a UC graduate

Bimmer Nerd · 11-25-2012, 01:20 PM

Can I send everyone some nice NSFW payment and you guys could review my UC essays as well ?

amanda hor$t · 11-25-2012, 04:44 PM

just post it here

username604 · 11-25-2012, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by veloziROTHTOR

just post it here

I would hate to have someone copy/paste my essay into their application just because a simple google search brought up my essay on e90post

eVitO · 11-25-2012, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bimmer Nerd

Can I send everyone some nice NSFW payment and you guys could review my UC essays as well ?

Come over tomorrow. Trust me, no NSFW payment required from your ass.

Bring food though.

ibarry92 · 11-25-2012, 07:31 PM

What a coincidence OP. My brother is also applying for the University of California schools. I'm also helping him with his personal statement. He's applying for the Berkeley, Irvine, Los Angeles, and the Davis campus. Are you applying to all campuses?

amanda hor$t · 11-25-2012, 07:59 PM

my personal statement was kinda weak, but i made the index cutoff so i could have done nothing

KwlAznKid · 11-25-2012, 08:27 PM

i'd be willing to take a look, but first what UCs are you applying to? and what's your hs gpa? and what major?

Bimmer Nerd · 11-25-2012, 09:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KwlAznKid

i'd be willing to take a look, but first what UCs are you applying to? and what's your hs gpa? and what major?

Can i send you mine tomorrow ?

I am applying to UCSD, UCSB, UCSC, Irvine, Davis and Berkeley.

3.4 Transfer GPA, Major: Economics.

username604 · 11-25-2012, 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KwlAznKid

i'd be willing to take a look, but first what UCs are you applying to? and what's your hs gpa? and what major?

All the UCs (except Merced and Santa Cruz), Physiology/Biology, and 4.5 GPA
Heck, I already submitted.
Thanks to upstatedoc for checking out my draft last night.

KwlAznKid · 11-25-2012, 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bimmer Nerd

Can i send you mine tomorrow ?

I am applying to UCSD, UCSB, UCSC, Irvine, Davis and Berkeley.

3.4 Transfer GPA, Major: Economics.

sure, send it over, my e-mail is my username @gmail.com, i am a cum laude graduate from ucsd in econ so u should be right up my alley

Quote:

Originally Posted by Verbatim

All the UCs (except Merced and Santa Cruz), Physiology/Biology, and 4.5 GPA
Heck, I already submitted.
Thanks to upstatedoc for checking out my draft last night.

sweet, congrats, good luck

eVitO · 11-26-2012, 01:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Verbatim

All the UCs (except Merced and Santa Cruz), Physiology/Biology, and 4.5 GPA
Heck, I already submitted.
Thanks to upstatedoc for checking out my draft last night.

The waiting is the worst part of the whole application process.

amanda hor$t · 11-26-2012, 02:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Verbatim

All the UCs (except Merced and Santa Cruz), Physiology/Biology, and 4.5 GPA
Heck, I already submitted.
Thanks to upstatedoc for checking out my draft last night.

i'm guessing you got pretty good test scores, you'll probably get in on your uc index score. the essay might get you a scholarship.

i got into uc all. though i was deemed unworthy of a free ride. it's cool, just take it out of my alumni contributions. cornell actually gave me the best deal (i didn't take it, but thanks cornell). and then there's stanfurd and mit which rejected me: live it down. can you believe it? when i went in for my mit interview, the bitch actually answered the door in her pajamas? yeah.

Bimmer Nerd · 11-29-2012, 03:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KwlAznKid

sure, send it over, my e-mail is my username @gmail.com, i am a cum laude graduate from ucsd in econ so u should be right up my alley

sweet, congrats, good luck

Sent you an email right now with both of my statements.

Thanks

JMX328 · 11-29-2012, 05:00 AM

I'd be happy to review it. I review personal statements for hiring banking officers, and while it isn't the same as a university entrance statement, it still has a lot of similarities.

upstatedoc · 11-29-2012, 09:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by veloziROTHTOR

cornell actually gave me the best deal (i didn't take it, but thanks cornell).

If this is true it would be hard to pass up. Scholarship at an Ivy League school?

amanda hor$t · 11-29-2012, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

If this is true it would be hard to pass up. Scholarship at an Ivy League school?

i shredded all the paperwork, but iirc my total cost (incl living expenses) would have been around $5k/yr. was a just a bit far (and cold), and berkeley's academics lose nothing

username604 · 11-29-2012, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by veloziROTHTOR

i shredded all the paperwork, but iirc my total cost (incl living expenses) would have been around $5k/yr. was a just a bit far (and cold), and berkeley's academics lose nothing

Would you recommend Berkeley over LA? From what I've heard there is unnecessary grade-deflation, and the campus did not seem very sociable when stopped by on a family trip to sf.

11-24-2012, 04:53 PM	#1
username604 Colonel 132 Rep 2,554 Posts Drives: bmw Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: repair shop iTrader: (0) Garage List 2008 BMW 335i [10.00]	Anyone Willing to Review My Personal Statement for UCs? Anyone want to review my college essay? Proof-reading, suggestions, and questions that come up after reading the personal statement are all welcome. It will not take long to read (1000 words) and I can use any input I can get. I figure there are many college students/graduates on this board. Thanks! I'll PM my essay to anyone willing to do me a favor.
	Appreciate 0 Tweet Quote

11-24-2012, 05:39 PM	#2
N55 ⒸⒺⓇⓉⓘⒻⒾⒺⒹ✬ⓃⒾⓃⒿⒶ 141 Rep 1,476 Posts Drives: 🚀 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Pittsburgh iTrader: (3) Garage List 2015 BMW M4 [0.00] 2012 BMW 335IS (SOLD) [6.84] 2011 BMW 335XI (SOLD) [4.66] 2008 BMW 335xi (SOLD) [10.00]	NSFW Payment? May entice some people?... lol __________________ 2008 335xi E90 - Sold - > 2011 335xi E90 - Sold - > 2012 335IS E92 Crimson Red - SOLD > 2015 M4 Yas Marina Blue SOLD> 2019 McLaren 570s SOLD 2015 Lamborghini Huracan
	Appreciate 0 Quote

11-24-2012, 06:18 PM	#3
upstatedoc I'll get back to you 7526 Rep 2,132 Posts Drives: blue streak Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: not downstate iTrader: (2)	just as long as the word BMW is not in your PS you should be fine. sure, send it over. __________________ 2018 Stinger GT 2009 E90 N51 /Active Autowerke Stage 2 tune/BMW Performance Exhaust/ Countermeasure enthusiast.
	Appreciate 0 Quote

11-24-2012, 09:29 PM	#5
Inspired Colonel 156 Rep 2,368 Posts Drives: 335i Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: California iTrader: (2)	pay me to do it. I'm a UC graduate
	Appreciate 0 Quote

11-25-2012, 01:20 PM	#6
Bimmer Nerd Major General 537 Rep 7,783 Posts Drives: 6MT F80 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Santa Monica, CA iTrader: (12)	Can I send everyone some nice NSFW payment and you guys could review my UC essays as well ?
	Appreciate 0 Quote

11-25-2012, 04:44 PM	#7
amanda hor$t Banned 92 Rep 208 Posts Drives: a380 Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: ny ny iTrader: (0)	just post it here
	Appreciate 0 Quote

11-25-2012, 07:31 PM	#10
ibarry92 Second Lieutenant 48 Rep 249 Posts Drives: 2010 BMW 328xi Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: North America iTrader: (0)	What a coincidence OP. My brother is also applying for the University of California schools. I'm also helping him with his personal statement. He's applying for the Berkeley, Irvine, Los Angeles, and the Davis campus. Are you applying to all campuses?
	Appreciate 0 Quote

11-25-2012, 07:59 PM	#11
amanda hor$t Banned 92 Rep 208 Posts Drives: a380 Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: ny ny iTrader: (0)	my personal statement was kinda weak, but i made the index cutoff so i could have done nothing
	Appreciate 0 Quote

11-25-2012, 08:27 PM	#12
KwlAznKid Brigadier General 385 Rep 3,037 Posts Drives: BMW/MERCEDES/PORSCHE Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Los Angeles/Fremont USC/UCSD Alum iTrader: (6)	i'd be willing to take a look, but first what UCs are you applying to? and what's your hs gpa? and what major? __________________ BMW E93 M3 / Mercedes Benz W209 CLK500 BMW E64 650I(sold) / BMW E92 328I(sold) / BMW E46 M3(sold) / BMW E92 335I(sold) Porsche 996 911 C2(sold) / BMW E46 325CI(totaled)
	Appreciate 0 Quote

11-29-2012, 05:00 AM	#19
JMX328 Insert Something Witty. 18 Rep 32 Posts Drives: 2009 328i Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: California iTrader: (0)	I'd be happy to review it. I review personal statements for hiring banking officers, and while it isn't the same as a university entrance statement, it still has a lot of similarities.
	Appreciate 0 Quote