[Sara]

Originally Posted by 1LRM3

^ did offer another word

much better ..hmph.

[IM2C]

Originally Posted by Torxist

If one or both are sexually attracted to the other, then NO.

If one or both are NOT sexually attracted to the other and drunk, then NO.

[954Stealth]

Cranky

[1LRM3]

Originally Posted by Sara504

much better ..hmph.

you are a tough one

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

I think we can agree that it certainly sounds like he's never made a move in the past, not arguing about that - purely platonic.

But we are sort of coming at it from different angles I think. While I am saying this guy has never had the opportunity (and therefore has never made a move), I think what you are saying is "He's just a friend - I would never invite him to make a move because we're just friends - I'm not sexually attracted to him". And because he hasn't made a move, you are implying or assuming he wouldn't (because he hasn't yet). And your viewpoint is much like the view expressed by OP's gf - don't you think? Since she has assumed none of the guys are interested in her because they haven't made a move, and therefore, its purely platonic, and she should be free to hang around them as much as she wants since there is no danger.

But to re-iterate - what I'm saying is that he will not make a move until given the opportunity. If you want to try a little social experiment, next time you come back after drinking, feign or pretend interest and see if he reacts. You can't do it just out of the blue (ie. not having had some drinks) as that would be too out of character. And if he rejects you, blame it on the drinks and all is good. And if he initiates, then cool it down / stop it and just forgive and forget the next morning and let bygones be bygones. But you have to be honest and post the results one way or another - for interests sake!

Of course, if you point him to this thread, then he will of course remember and not react, but my bet is that he'll forget in due time, so you could just wait.

So - what do you think - will you proceed with a little social experiment, or shall we just agree that you don't *conclusively* know that he wouldn't make a move if given the opportunity?

And I'm not trying to be a jerk about this, but I am trying to make you understand the way a guy would likely see things here. All the best to you either way!

Haha reading your responses to Sara reminds me of all the talks my gf and i had. I tried describing the situation from various angles and examples, but we always ended up in a circular endless convos.
I'm a guy and i know how we work, but apparently to my gf i'm just an exception.

It was interesting to read the convo back n forth between you guys and sara tho hahaha

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by Sara504

Im not trying to thread jack OP.. Im just trying my best to prove my point of view and make you guys see.

yess go on please
i really want to know how other guys respond to you
Your responses and explanations are very similar to my gfs so it's been interesting.

Thanks for keeping the thread alive by chipping in !

[Greenkirby21]

sorry to bump thread
just wanted to say you guys were right.

My relationship is pretty much over, after ~4 years.

I don't really feel that sad. I loved her like crazy, but felt I knew she was starting to act weird since like 6 months ago, it was more or less expected.

I finally got pissed of her never showing any emotion towards me since those 6 months ago. I asked her what the hell was wrong and she said she was stressed in life and doesn't know what she wants anymore. She was so sure of her future and now its crumbling beneath her. And here I was thinking about a future marriage..

Funny thing is, after confessing all this to me, she still hasn't broken up with me?


I asked her why if she doesn't love me she why the hell is she still with me. She said she still cares about me and doesn't know why the spark is gone on her end and she wishes she could make it come back and she just feels sad. I wonder if she has depression or something. She was like "you give me everything i could ever ask for and have always supported me in my studies and helped me when I struggle", and I just can't do the same for you (aka she's fucking lazy)

She is too obsessed with studying and getting into medical school it makes me sick (and this is coming from someone who got a 3.85 in engineering). She acts very selfish, and there is nothing I can do to change that. She made her decision clear that school is before me, and I can comprehend that, but its not like I ever did anything except give her encouragement to study. I would stay late to study with her, and bring her food, etc.

I'm just more or less pissed I lost 4 years of my life.. I really thought she was the one :\

I was her first boyfriend, and she admitted to me she never believed our relationship would last so long. She never noticed me to begin with, which I guess is the main point of the problem. I chased her after class everyday because I fell in love and made excuses like lets study together and we built our relationship over time.

[Vanmarsenille]

Sorry to hear that, but not at all surprising given the information you had posted on here about the way she was treating you. It might be an idea for you to break it off and move on.

[i dunno]

Originally Posted by faou4rm

Thanks for asking!

I don't think i've mentioned about the relationship status of her 3 best friends yet
#1 best friend. Currently dating. I like him the most.

#2. He's the douche. He's been with this really oversized chick for about 7 years? Honestly he's with his gf for financial and emotional security than anything. As with my gf, i think he's just trying to stay content with the "best friend" title because he knows he doesn't have a chance with my gf even if she was single :x

#3. He's the biggest threat. He's actually the closet to my Gf and it was through him that my gf met the other two friends. They talk, text, and hangout the most out of the 3 (it's not as often as i make it sound though). He HAD a gf for about 4-5 years but just broke up less than a year ago.
mmmm....You know what..
Talking about this just made me realize that this guy actually makes me feel insecure. Honestly deep inside, i know that he's a much better and compatible fit with my gf than i am.
My gf and i are just so DIFFERENT
If i were to imagine a guy that would be almost a perfect fit for my gf, it'd definitely be him.
They both speak chinese (i can't), he's 6'1" (i'm 5'10" gf 5'8"), he's 28 (i'm 21, gf 26), he loves drinking/partying, loves traveling, etc..

I do trust my gf that she won't 'cheat' on me and don't really care about #1 or #2.. but maybe deep inside i'm js afraid that one day she'd realize how much of a better fit #3 is than i am.. AH !

sorry bout the necro but i wanted to add something
in my most recent relationship, my then gf had a lot of guy friends and was still close friends with her ex, who definitely is still interested in her. they'd hang out together sometimes and like in your situation, she's a lot more similar to him than me. she's 3 years older than me, her ex is 8 years older than me, and on paper he was a better fit too. she and i didn't have much in common, but her ex is richer, better looking, and more mature (i can't help that i eat like a savage) than me. but you know what, none of this bothered me. i would always wish her to have fun when she left, and it was great. it was obvious that her ex still adds value in her life, and i would feel wrong to take that away from her. people tend to say that you should be everything to your significant other, but how can two completely different people offer the same thing? her ex provides her with something i can't, but what i offered was what she was looking for in a bf. she knew the boundaries and i was 100% confident that i was the one she wanted to be with. i think its counter productive to try to control who your gf spends time with. its her life and if she chooses to screw up the relationship, then that'll be on her. trying to limit what she can do could suffocate her.

your gf is with you and not guy #3 for a reason. it doesn't seem logical but human emotions aren't. you just fall in love with whoever, and that's what happens. as humans we like to analyze and assign purpose to certain events and decisions, but you kind of just have to accept this for what it is. you can't get caught up in what you think is the best compatibility for her. she's maintaining these friendships for whatever reason, but she chose you, not the other guys, and thats that. be happy and enjoy your relationship. if it makes you feel better, you're with this girl thats getting hollered at by these douches, and she picked you over all those other dicks. she thinks youre the best and thats all that matters. congrats on being awesome!

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by i dunno

sorry bout the necro but i wanted to add something
in my most recent relationship, my then gf had a lot of guy friends and was still close friends with her ex, who definitely is still interested in her. they'd hang out together sometimes and like in your situation, she's a lot more similar to him than me. she's 3 years older than me, her ex is 8 years older than me, and on paper he was a better fit too. she and i didn't have much in common, but her ex is richer, better looking, and more mature (i can't help that i eat like a savage) than me. but you know what, none of this bothered me. i would always wish her to have fun when she left, and it was great. it was obvious that her ex still adds value in her life, and i would feel wrong to take that away from her. people tend to say that you should be everything to your significant other, but how can two completely different people offer the same thing? her ex provides her with something i can't, but what i offered was what she was looking for in a bf. she knew the boundaries and i was 100% confident that i was the one she wanted to be with. i think its counter productive to try to control who your gf spends time with. its her life and if she chooses to screw up the relationship, then that'll be on her. trying to limit what she can do could suffocate her.

your gf is with you and not guy #3 for a reason. it doesn't seem logical but human emotions aren't. you just fall in love with whoever, and that's what happens. as humans we like to analyze and assign purpose to certain events and decisions, but you kind of just have to accept this for what it is. you can't get caught up in what you think is the best compatibility for her. she's maintaining these friendships for whatever reason, but she chose you, not the other guys, and thats that. be happy and enjoy your relationship. if it makes you feel better, you're with this girl thats getting hollered at by these douches, and she picked you over all those other dicks. she thinks youre the best and thats all that matters. congrats on being awesome!

Thank you for the response and encouragement!
To be honest, i've actually been feeling a lot more relaxed and easy lately !
She graduated about a month ago and had to move back to her house because her parents flew over as well (we pretty much don't live together anymore)
Without being on each other's busy for 24/7 365 days a year, i feel a lot less paranoid over everything she does/says !
She will be moving to her hometown in a different country in less than a month but i feel like i'm more than ready for the challenge !!


Now, if you don't mind me wondering....
My gf is my first but i am her fifth person to have sex with.
She's moving back to a different country soon and her recent ex boyfriend before me is part of her main group.
Having never met the guy, and knowing that he's been INSIDE of her before (seen her naked etc), i find it a bit uncomfortable knowing that they'd bump into each other every now and then...
My gf says that she doesn't PLAN on being friends with him (out of respect for his current gf and me) and that she only plans to js say hi if they happen to see each other.
Any take on this matter?
I've never had to deal with Ex's before so i really don't know what to expect. And no, i'm not stressing out or arguing with my gf over this. I've just been thinking and wondering quite a bit lately !! haha

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by Greenkirby21

sorry to bump thread
just wanted to say you guys were right.

My relationship is pretty much over, after ~4 years.

I don't really feel that sad. I loved her like crazy, but felt I knew she was starting to act weird since like 6 months ago, it was more or less expected.

I finally got pissed of her never showing any emotion towards me since those 6 months ago. I asked her what the hell was wrong and she said she was stressed in life and doesn't know what she wants anymore. She was so sure of her future and now its crumbling beneath her. And here I was thinking about a future marriage..

Funny thing is, after confessing all this to me, she still hasn't broken up with me?


I asked her why if she doesn't love me she why the hell is she still with me. She said she still cares about me and doesn't know why the spark is gone on her end and she wishes she could make it come back and she just feels sad. I wonder if she has depression or something. She was like "you give me everything i could ever ask for and have always supported me in my studies and helped me when I struggle", and I just can't do the same for you (aka she's fucking lazy)

She is too obsessed with studying and getting into medical school it makes me sick (and this is coming from someone who got a 3.85 in engineering). She acts very selfish, and there is nothing I can do to change that. She made her decision clear that school is before me, and I can comprehend that, but its not like I ever did anything except give her encouragement to study. I would stay late to study with her, and bring her food, etc.

I'm just more or less pissed I lost 4 years of my life.. I really thought she was the one :\

I was her first boyfriend, and she admitted to me she never believed our relationship would last so long. She never noticed me to begin with, which I guess is the main point of the problem. I chased her after class everyday because I fell in love and made excuses like lets study together and we built our relationship over time.

Thanks for the update !
Sorry to hear how things went, but i hope you are okay bro !
I guess perhaps you don't feel as sad because you kinda saw this coming a while ago?
Or are you just being numb and the breakup hasn't really hit you yet?
Regardless, we are both young and i hope you take advantage of your new freedom !!

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by faou4rm

Thank you for the response and encouragement!
To be honest, i've actually been feeling a lot more relaxed and easy lately !
She graduated about a month ago and had to move back to her house because her parents flew over as well (we pretty much don't live together anymore)
Without being on each other's busy for 24/7 365 days a year, i feel a lot less paranoid over everything she does/says !
She will be moving to her hometown in a different country in less than a month but i feel like i'm more than ready for the challenge !!


Now, if you don't mind me wondering....
My gf is my first but i am her fifth person to have sex with.
She's moving back to a different country soon and her recent ex boyfriend before me is part of her main group.
Having never met the guy, and knowing that he's been INSIDE of her before (seen her naked etc), i find it a bit uncomfortable knowing that they'd bump into each other every now and then...
My gf says that she doesn't PLAN on being friends with him (out of respect for his current gf and me) and that she only plans to js say hi if they happen to see each other.
Any take on this matter?
I've never had to deal with Ex's before so i really don't know what to expect. And no, i'm not stressing out or arguing with my gf over this. I've just been thinking and wondering quite a bit lately !! haha

Who brought it up? (About what she would do if she sees her ex over there)

I dunno - so how long is she over there - are you planning on visiting as well? Is she coming back / you moving out there - what's the story again?

[i dunno]

Originally Posted by faou4rm

Now, if you don't mind me wondering....
My gf is my first but i am her fifth person to have sex with.
She's moving back to a different country soon and her recent ex boyfriend before me is part of her main group.
Having never met the guy, and knowing that he's been INSIDE of her before (seen her naked etc), i find it a bit uncomfortable knowing that they'd bump into each other every now and then...
My gf says that she doesn't PLAN on being friends with him (out of respect for his current gf and me) and that she only plans to js say hi if they happen to see each other.
Any take on this matter?
I've never had to deal with Ex's before so i really don't know what to expect. And no, i'm not stressing out or arguing with my gf over this. I've just been thinking and wondering quite a bit lately !! haha

whoa forget about her ex. that's not your biggest issue. so ur gf is moving to a completely different country? you should be more worried about that. just focus on keeping your relationship alive and try to keep it growing. if your relationship is strong, she'll be less likely to throw it away. your situation now is gonna make that a million times harder. is there a set date when you guys can be together for good? if there's no set time frame, it'll make it even worse. long distance is the wrong distance. good luck

[Joekerr]

Yeah, it just doesn't sound good. Waiting to hear from Faou4rm though, maybe something we are missing.

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Yeah, it just doesn't sound good. Waiting to hear from Faou4rm though, maybe something we are missing.

So basically she grew up in Asia until about 10th grade and moved to California. Now at 26, she's going back to Asia for ~1 year to intern and gain some more work experience (family connection is much better there). She PLANS on moving back to Cali after to study more.

My own thoughts on it is that if she actually gets settled and hired in Asia, i don't see why she would want to leave all that behind and come back to cali mainly for me.
But that's for me to worry about next year if it happens and maybe i'd BUMP this thread in panic haha

I brought up the ex thing with her because she has a group of really close childhood friends that her ex is close to and i wanted to know how she'd handle the situation. I wouldn't want my gf to reject her friends just to avoid her ex because he's always gona be there with them. ahh
(I felt like a paranoid bf at the time because i just shifted from having circular on-going arguments about bestfriends thing then just jumped right into the ex boyfriends).

Anyways, all these things seem pretty irrelevant at the moment for some reason... I'll bring more solid things to the thread next time since she'd be gone in less than a month from now !

As always, Thanks for listening !

[i dunno]

Originally Posted by faou4rm

So basically she grew up in Asia until about 10th grade and moved to California. Now at 26, she's going back to Asia for ~1 year to intern and gain some more work experience (family connection is much better there). She PLANS on moving back to Cali after to study more.

My own thoughts on it is that if she actually gets settled and hired in Asia, i don't see why she would want to leave all that behind and come back to cali mainly for me.
But that's for me to worry about next year if it happens and maybe i'd BUMP this thread in panic haha

I brought up the ex thing with her because she has a group of really close childhood friends that her ex is close to and i wanted to know how she'd handle the situation. I wouldn't want my gf to reject her friends just to avoid her ex because he's always gona be there with them. ahh
(I felt like a paranoid bf at the time because i just shifted from having circular on-going arguments about bestfriends thing then just jumped right into the ex boyfriends).

Anyways, all these things seem pretty irrelevant at the moment for some reason... I'll bring more solid things to the thread next time since she'd be gone in less than a month from now !

As always, Thanks for listening !

i really don't like the sound of this situation. seems like you really want to make this work, but if she gets hired after her internship and stuff, that could effectively end the relationship. i would try to drop conversations about her ex and focus on figuring out how to make your relationship work. a year is still a long time. its obvious youre commited to this, but do you know how emotionally invested she is? it takes effort from both parties to make relationships work. hope for the best, prepare for the worst. sorry man.

not to make light of your situation, but i couldn't help but think of this haha