[NEfan508]

I have a small circle of like minded close friends, contractors/car nuts and guys that live to eat like that'll join me 100+ mile drive for a famous cheeseburger stand. These few guys would help me bury a body if needed, what's mine is theirs

2nd and 3rd tier friends that just call for help

Can I borrow one of your trucks?!?
Can I use your dump trailer?!?
Are you using your fl condo?!? Can I use it with the Fam & my dog too
My favorite is can I use some space in your construction yard, 2k sq ft fenced in has 50% of other peoples junk sitting, I don't have space for for 1 truck and trailer 🤦*♂️

Every couple months someone random that I don't see regularly asks me for favors/borrow stuff

Edit: I never ask for anything

Arrghhgg, I'm the bigger ass for saying ok

[sygazelle]

o

Originally Posted by NEfan508

I have a small circle of like minded close friends, contractors/car nuts and guys that live to eat like that'll join me 100+ mile drive for a famous cheeseburger stand. These few guys would help me bury a body if needed, what's mine is theirs

2nd and 3rd tier friends that just call for help

Can I borrow one of your trucks?!?
Can I use your dump trailer?!?
Are you using your fl condo?!? Can I use it with the Fam & my dog too
My favorite is can I use some space in your construction yard, 2k sq ft fenced in has 50% of other peoples junk sitting, I don't have apace for for 1 truck and trailer 🤦*♂️

Every couple months someone random that I don't see regularly asks me for favors/borrow stuff

Edit: I never ask for anything

Arrghhgg, I'm the bigger ass for saying ok

You are not an ass. You sound like a good person who doesn't mind helping others. Try this: Just politely say no with a really brief explanation when these "friends" ask you for something. If its the condo in FL, just say, "sorry, we are not letting it out anymore" or "we are renting it out through a realtor, do you want their number?" etc. If it's space in your yard, just say "Sorry, I have plans for all my space." No need for more details. Only then will you know if your second and third tier friends are really friends.

[Bingham]

Originally Posted by sygazelle

o


You are not an ass. You sound like a good person who doesn't mind helping others. Try this: Just politely say no with a really brief explanation when these "friends" ask you for something. If its the condo in FL, just say, "sorry, we are not letting it out anymore" or "we are renting it out through a realtor, do you want their number?" etc. If it's space in your yard, just say "Sorry, I have plans for all my space." No need for more details. Only then will you know if your second and third tier friends are really friends.

On point. Wrestle with this a lot. Hard to say NO when you genuinely want to be kind- particularly in light of the last couple years.

Do good and be kind when/where you can with limits…karma is a SOB.

[floridaorange]

As we get older, in particular, life becomes more and more about our boundaries & our intentions. Meaning - know what your boundaries are - don't compromise them, and always be intentional with your time and resources. You seem to have very good intentions but are not very clear on your boundaries.

[540iSUP]

If I was your 2nd or 3rd tier friend, I would never ask for anything. Maybe it's my culture or the way I was raised, but I just couldn't do that. I can't bring myself to use people like that. I've tried, but I feel so guilty that I can't do it.

I have full access to my parents house in Las Vegas, but I never use it unless they are there. I have a hard time calling up friends to ask for favors if I haven't talked to them in a while. I find it rude to just ring someone for something and then not talk to them for a while. Like I said, I don't like feeling like I'm just using people.

Good on you for helping others, but like Floridaorange said, set your boundaries. I'm a people pleaser myself so I know how hard it is to say "No" sometimes.

[WayneM3]

While I do not have large construction equipment or a yard, I do help everyone with everything all the time. I am very good at fixing almost anything and have a very hard time saying no. I also never ask for anything in return.

That does remind me though, can I borrow your condo in FL? I don't have a dog.

[ryan stewart]

I got really good at saying no when tools would never return. Now its more like, "bring pizza and beer and do it here." Ill still do the favors/loans for the really close friends but for those who are more acquaintances nope.

It helps that I rarely want or need anything, but in the few instances those people show up. But I dont like feeling like a mooch so often they are talking me into using their house, borrowing truck, etc. But that is how I am with them too, "Why buy/rent one when I have one anyway, just come and get it."

[Tommy-G]

You sound like my type of dude....don't let it get you down, just sucks that people take advantage.
If your place in Florida is on the Gulf side and you want to go for a foodie roadtrip, I'm all in

[Bruuuce]

it sucks that you can't just say no, well in this case

but need to say no because... can also just not respond, epically if they don't ask in person. Which I bet is one way they ask now, in these days.

Then you need to say, got busy and forgot...

I am tired of being the only one in my peer group that can do anything remotely physical, mechanical, Bla Bla Bla. Thinking I need new friends.

I feel the pain

[///MPhatic]

You're not an ass, just make sure you're getting it back better than it left you and you'll be good. That's my rule; treat it and me with respect and we're good.

[2022M550i]

Be thankful no one is asking to borrow your wife/GF.

I used to keep a clipboard in the garage, and I would log the name/date and tool borrowed. That worked out well. So well that one of my friends still has my tile saw from 1998.

I let the guy across the street use my snow thrower, then it breaks on me when I need it. Since then, NO. I don't lend anything out anymore. I never ask for anything from anyone like yourself.

[Tommy-G]

Originally Posted by 2022M550i

Be thankful no one is asking to borrow your wife/GF.

HAHAHA, some people would love to get rid of theirs I'm sure

[CTinline-six]

Those aren't friends, those are leeches.

[3.0L]

Life us full of givers and takers. Over the years, I've become a little more bold about saying no.

[vreihen16]

I'm on the other side of this right now, after a lifetime of helping people out. Since my hospital stay 6 years ago, I can no longer do a lot of things that were simple before that. I truly feel guilty having to ask a neighbor to give me a hand unloading a water softener salt bag or something, and avoid cashing in favors with friends at all costs.....

[unluky]

This is when it pays to be an asshole. Where saying things like "you know they sell these..........." And "I didn't have one either......until I bought it...." and "sure you can park it here.......for ONE fucking week - then it's mine."

I really have no issue saying things like that. I want to make it clear, I like my shit, I take care of my shit, and I use my shit - so my shit better be here when I need it and my shit better look as good or better than when it left here.

I really only loan things to one great neighbor and my super tight friends - who know I will rip them a new one if I need it some time and it is not back. But I almost never borrow stuff and if I do - I'm the guy that brings it back with a full tank of gas and a trip thru the car wash, etc.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by vreihen16

I'm on the other side of this right now, after a lifetime of helping people out. Since my hospital stay 6 years ago, I can no longer do a lot of things that were simple before that. I truly feel guilty having to ask a neighbor to give me a hand unloading a water softener salt bag or something, and avoid cashing in favors with friends at all costs.....

That's completely different. You helped others, and now you need help due to health issues. I think the OP is talking about "friends" who are never there until they need something.