Stories from my youth

NewSong · 04-14-2009, 05:20 PM

I've only had 4 serious girlfriends in my entire life (all Korean for some odd reason...). By serious, I mean I was with them for more than a year, and at various points we lived with each other and shared everything. I'm happily married now, but when I was young, I made some mistakes.

In between those periods where I was ending a relationship, and not quite beginning a new one, I used to go on random dates. Chatrooms, cragislist, and a few other internet perv hangouts used to be my hunting ground because it seemed easy at the time. I've decided to post a few of the gems from those experiences for those who may enjoy them.

The Hair Stylist

"She" messaged me. I had put up an ad for a "22 year old College student" on Craigslist. At first, I thought she was a she. She said she was Filipino, and most of the Filipino women who hit on me have never been very attractive women, so I figured she was a chick. Plus, she did seem kind of attractive with long blonde hair and a seemingly womanly body. She told me she was a hair stylist and would like to cut my hair for free and then we could go see a movie. What the f*ck, I decided to go.

I arrived at this high priced salon. She told me to go sit in the chair. I immediately noticed there was something odd about her voice. She was also very, very catty...making weird comments that were insulting and very f@ggoty. As I looked closer at "her", I noticed the mouth and jawline looked strange....then I noticed the thickness of the forearms. While I was realizing that I was in a real life episode of the Crying Game, the tranny informed me that her best friend,a young homo who worked in the salon father had just died.

As it dawned on me this was indeed a pre or post op tranny in front of me, rubbing against me and massaging my scalp, the kid arrived almost on queue and began WAILING at the top of his lungs in pure anguish over the death of his father. The tranny ran to him, held him as he cried, and I sat there with my smock on, hair partially cut, the sound of German techno music in my ears.

I think the tranny did not like my looks or something, because he/she gave me the cold shoulder throughout our meeting. I didn't take any chances though, and hid in the elevator so he/she couldn't see me. I did get a nice haircut though.

---
Old Dragon

I met this one in between my high school girlfriend and first college girlfriend. She was a an older Japanese woman. Extremely lonely. She tried introducing me to her friends after we f*cked twice. Although she was in sub par to decent shape, she looked VERY old and not good looking. She was awful in bed, barely moving. I went out with her twice in public and then felt embarrassed and made the relationship strictly sex in my house.

Her apartment was a lonely dump, and it depressed me whenever I was there. Basement apartment in the outskirts of Oakland, California. No windows. A cat. Two rooms. Smelled. Horrible bed.

Although I primarily kept this going because of the easy sex, part of me felt really, really bad for her. She was just so lonely. But, she was also a vampire and sucked the life out of me. I had fights with her on the phone, which were more comical then anything else because her English was so bad she couldn't understand what the f*ck I was saying.The cultures were so different, she couldn't tell when I was angry or joking either. We had no chemistry or rapport, but she still told me she "had love" for me and would constantly call/send texts.

When I tried to "break up" with her, she cried and I had sex with her. So, I stopped responding to call and texts and would get broken English texts like this:

"If you miss my touch, not anybody else's, that all matters, Its sure a lot healthier 2 have my touch 4 ur life, work and 2 give u more confident as man."

What really stopped me talking to her though was a terrible incident involving the morning after pill. She had gotten back from Japan and presented me with "special Japanese condoms". Ultra thin. I was suspicious of her giving me condoms, but used them anyway. As I pounded her from behind and pulled out to ejaculate (extra insurnace despite the condom), I came on her legs and noticed the condom had come off.

At first this didn't bother me. But, I had time alone and my mind began to play tricks on me. Could I say for sure I had been covered and not come inside of her? 99% sure, but not 100%. I told her my concerns, and after much, exhausting back and forth she agreed to take the morning after pill. I went out and bought it, which felt fairly degrading for some reason.

On a dark and rainy night I made my way up to her office and met her after work. She now told me she didn't' want tot take it, and wanted me to come talk to her girlfriend about the pill and whether it was safe. Feeling bad for her started to fade away and I became incredibly pissed off. She began to cry and shake, and I still didn't care, and she finally took the pill. I had to have coffee with her and this whole event was a horrible, disgusting event. She later chastised me for not being there at her apartment when she had to take the second pill.

She still sends me texts. I rarely answer. Rarely being the key word in the sentence that would explain why I am a such a moron.

---

Big PETA Girl

She would have been pretty if not for the extra 100 lbs. I had met her online in a chatroom before and she claimed that she was vegan for her health. She always used to say I was being "unhealthy" when I ate animals, unlike her who always ate veggies. In my mind I always thought, "Then why are you 100 pounds overweight?"

What kept me coming back were extremely satisfying blowjobs, the weapon of the fat chick.

She liked to be smacked, talked down to, and choked. All things I willingly obliged in.

So, she called me up during a break in exams, and I didn't really have anything else to do, and I ended up banging her in my stairwell while I choked her with my belt. She went crazy when I did this. It took forever to find her vag, and when I did it was repulsive getting in there. I felt bad for my little guy and the sights he had to see.

I distinctly remember banging her via doggy and thinking her butt was literally twice as big as a normal girls @ss. She was so fat I couldn't even thrust it in really. Each butt cheek was the size of a normal girl's entire @ss.

She sucked me, and choked on it twice. Neither time brought any real satisfaction.

After, I felt pretty horrible. I wandered into my apartment at 4 AM and hosed off. Part of what bothered me was I had a really wholesome week with good friends. I did dumb things like go to St. Paddy's day parade in S.F, an arcade in chinatown, ate pizza and bought dumb t-shirts. Kids stuff, but fun and good. I kind of recognized all this in a passing thought as I shuffled inside and found a flimsy blanket and fell unconscious.

My dreams were filled with weird nightmares of a crazed high school wrestling coach telling me I what a loser I was and how I would wind up with all the rest of the losers.

I immediately woke up and had another bath.

TwinTurboXI · 04-14-2009, 05:50 PM

So you only meet women online?

And you go after trannys, old divorced women and fat chicks?

But your happily married now...whats your wife like?

NewSong · 04-14-2009, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TwinTurboXI

So you only meet women online?

And you go after trannys, old divorced women and fat chicks?

But your happily married now...whats your wife like?

Korean.

Spec 1 · 04-14-2009, 06:31 PM

Lol. funny stories

DougLikesBMW · 04-15-2009, 05:30 AM

Heh...I enjoyed the stories.

Dang, some bad luck in your time NewSong...

NewSong · 04-15-2009, 01:03 PM

Yeah, I was pretty young and stupid in my college years. I'm glad God found a way to move me back in a better direction.

DougLikesBMW · 04-15-2009, 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NewSong

Yeah, I was pretty young and stupid in my college years. I'm glad God found a way to move me back in a better direction.

(sigh)

jaiman · 04-15-2009, 02:43 PM

reads like Tucker Max but, amazingly, less funny.

NewSong · 04-15-2009, 02:53 PM

Jerry Springer

One day I was in a college chatroom on AOL, and found another girl who went to the same school I did (UC Berkeley at the time).

This chick sent me an e-mail and we started chatting with each other. It was one liners back and forth via email and it got very flirtatious quick. She was basically offering sex. Great. The picture she sent me was highly distorted though, and from a far away view. I knew it wouldn't be good. I worked myself up though, and found myself going over to her North Side campus apartment in the middle of the night.

Even though I had spoken to her over the phone and heard a definite "Fat chick lisp", I was trying to convince myself she would be decent. In text she had promised me to "wear her tight running clothes". I reasoned with myself that no fat chick has running clothes, and a fat woman would certainly not try to wear something tight, so maybe, just maybe I was dealing with a in shape girl here.

How wrong I was. She was the fattest f*cking thing I've ever seen. Morbidly obese. She was one step away from having her apartment's wall cut off and being lifted by crane to a Jerry Springer episode.

Her house, like most of these chicks was a complete sh*thole. We sat and watched scrambled TV while I tried to have an inner monologue that would make me come to my senses. I didn't, and found myself kissing her. She had hideous teeth.

We made our way to her bedroom. She wheezed as she spoke, and I closed my eyes as she gave me a handjob. I pathetically asked her to blow me several times, and she refused on the basis that "she didn't know me". She did suck my fingers though. After I came I got the f*ck out of there and didn't kiss her goodbye.

Walking home that night I kind of laughed it off, but I was pretty ashamed.

Heinzftw · 04-15-2009, 03:40 PM

LoL^

samwoo2go · 04-15-2009, 04:58 PM

so uh how bout a pic of your wife

Inspired · 04-15-2009, 05:25 PM

pics of the girls?

btw, what race are you?

NewSong · 04-15-2009, 06:12 PM

I'm white.

So my baby is half white boy, half kim-chi.

I think I may have a few pics of old dragon, and big peta girl. I'll look around when I get home from work.

Crimson92 · 04-15-2009, 07:02 PM

wow newsong....wow....wtf dude?

NewSong · 04-15-2009, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crimson92

wow newsong....wow....wtf dude?

Yeah, I know. I get that a lot.

Crimson92 · 04-15-2009, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NewSong

Yeah, I know. I get that a lot.

you crazy man...you crazy

04-14-2009, 05:20 PM	#1
NewSong Just another jerk in a hat... 121 Rep 1,462 Posts Drives: 2005 Ford Focus Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Irvine iTrader: (0)	Stories from my youth I've only had 4 serious girlfriends in my entire life (all Korean for some odd reason...). By serious, I mean I was with them for more than a year, and at various points we lived with each other and shared everything. I'm happily married now, but when I was young, I made some mistakes. In between those periods where I was ending a relationship, and not quite beginning a new one, I used to go on random dates. Chatrooms, cragislist, and a few other internet perv hangouts used to be my hunting ground because it seemed easy at the time. I've decided to post a few of the gems from those experiences for those who may enjoy them. The Hair Stylist "She" messaged me. I had put up an ad for a "22 year old College student" on Craigslist. At first, I thought she was a she. She said she was Filipino, and most of the Filipino women who hit on me have never been very attractive women, so I figured she was a chick. Plus, she did seem kind of attractive with long blonde hair and a seemingly womanly body. She told me she was a hair stylist and would like to cut my hair for free and then we could go see a movie. What the fck, I decided to go. I arrived at this high priced salon. She told me to go sit in the chair. I immediately noticed there was something odd about her voice. She was also very, very catty...making weird comments that were insulting and very f@ggoty. As I looked closer at "her", I noticed the mouth and jawline looked strange....then I noticed the thickness of the forearms. While I was realizing that I was in a real life episode of the Crying Game, the tranny informed me that her best friend,a young homo who worked in the salon father had just died. As it dawned on me this was indeed a pre or post op tranny in front of me, rubbing against me and massaging my scalp, the kid arrived almost on queue and began WAILING at the top of his lungs in pure anguish over the death of his father. The tranny ran to him, held him as he cried, and I sat there with my smock on, hair partially cut, the sound of German techno music in my ears. I think the tranny did not like my looks or something, because he/she gave me the cold shoulder throughout our meeting. I didn't take any chances though, and hid in the elevator so he/she couldn't see me. I did get a nice haircut though. --- Old Dragon* I met this one in between my high school girlfriend and first college girlfriend. She was a an older Japanese woman. Extremely lonely. She tried introducing me to her friends after we fcked twice. Although she was in sub par to decent shape, she looked VERY old and not good looking. She was awful in bed, barely moving. I went out with her twice in public and then felt embarrassed and made the relationship strictly sex in my house. Her apartment was a lonely dump, and it depressed me whenever I was there. Basement apartment in the outskirts of Oakland, California. No windows. A cat. Two rooms. Smelled. Horrible bed. Although I primarily kept this going because of the easy sex, part of me felt really, really bad for her. She was just so lonely. But, she was also a vampire and sucked the life out of me. I had fights with her on the phone, which were more comical then anything else because her English was so bad she couldn't understand what the fck I was saying.The cultures were so different, she couldn't tell when I was angry or joking either. We had no chemistry or rapport, but she still told me she "had love" for me and would constantly call/send texts. When I tried to "break up" with her, she cried and I had sex with her. So, I stopped responding to call and texts and would get broken English texts like this: "If you miss my touch, not anybody else's, that all matters, Its sure a lot healthier 2 have my touch 4 ur life, work and 2 give u more confident as man." What really stopped me talking to her though was a terrible incident involving the morning after pill. She had gotten back from Japan and presented me with "special Japanese condoms". Ultra thin. I was suspicious of her giving me condoms, but used them anyway. As I pounded her from behind and pulled out to ejaculate (extra insurnace despite the condom), I came on her legs and noticed the condom had come off. At first this didn't bother me. But, I had time alone and my mind began to play tricks on me. Could I say for sure I had been covered and not come inside of her? 99% sure, but not 100%. I told her my concerns, and after much, exhausting back and forth she agreed to take the morning after pill. I went out and bought it, which felt fairly degrading for some reason. On a dark and rainy night I made my way up to her office and met her after work. She now told me she didn't' want tot take it, and wanted me to come talk to her girlfriend about the pill and whether it was safe. Feeling bad for her started to fade away and I became incredibly pissed off. She began to cry and shake, and I still didn't care, and she finally took the pill. I had to have coffee with her and this whole event was a horrible, disgusting event. She later chastised me for not being there at her apartment when she had to take the second pill. She still sends me texts. I rarely answer. Rarely being the key word in the sentence that would explain why I am a such a moron. --- Big PETA Girl She would have been pretty if not for the extra 100 lbs. I had met her online in a chatroom before and she claimed that she was vegan for her health. She always used to say I was being "unhealthy" when I ate animals, unlike her who always ate veggies. In my mind I always thought, "Then why are you 100 pounds overweight?" What kept me coming back were extremely satisfying blowjobs, the weapon of the fat chick. She liked to be smacked, talked down to, and choked. All things I willingly obliged in. So, she called me up during a break in exams, and I didn't really have anything else to do, and I ended up banging her in my stairwell while I choked her with my belt. She went crazy when I did this. It took forever to find her vag, and when I did it was repulsive getting in there. I felt bad for my little guy and the sights he had to see. I distinctly remember banging her via doggy and thinking her butt was literally twice as big as a normal girls @ss. She was so fat I couldn't even thrust it in really. Each butt cheek was the size of a normal girl's entire @ss. She sucked me, and choked on it twice. Neither time brought any real satisfaction. After, I felt pretty horrible. I wandered into my apartment at 4 AM and hosed off. Part of what bothered me was I had a really wholesome week with good friends. I did dumb things like go to St. Paddy's day parade in S.F, an arcade in chinatown, ate pizza and bought dumb t-shirts. Kids stuff, but fun and good. I kind of recognized all this in a passing thought as I shuffled inside and found a flimsy blanket and fell unconscious. My dreams were filled with weird nightmares of a crazed high school wrestling coach telling me I what a loser I was and how I would wind up with all the rest of the losers. I immediately woke up and had another bath. __________________ He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth.
	Appreciate 0 Tweet Quote

04-14-2009, 05:50 PM	#2
TwinTurboXI Lieutenant Colonel 163 Rep 1,523 Posts Drives: 2011 135i Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: . iTrader: (12)	So you only meet women online? And you go after trannys, old divorced women and fat chicks? But your happily married now...whats your wife like?
	Appreciate 0 Quote

04-14-2009, 06:31 PM	#4
Spec 1 Faster in the Corners 58 Rep 1,062 Posts Drives: '91 E30, '05 ZX6-R, '06 300C Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Portland, OR iTrader: (0)	Lol. funny stories __________________ '91 M42 E30 - All sorts of goodies.
	Appreciate 0 Quote

04-15-2009, 05:30 AM	#5
DougLikesBMW Fapmin 437 Rep 2,660 Posts Drives: '03 E46 330Ci Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Plano, Texas iTrader: (0)	Heh...I enjoyed the stories. Dang, some bad luck in your time NewSong...
	Appreciate 0 Quote

04-15-2009, 01:03 PM	#6
NewSong Just another jerk in a hat... 121 Rep 1,462 Posts Drives: 2005 Ford Focus Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Irvine iTrader: (0)	Yeah, I was pretty young and stupid in my college years. I'm glad God found a way to move me back in a better direction. __________________ He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth.
	Appreciate 0 Quote

04-15-2009, 02:43 PM	#8
jaiman Captain 22 Rep 658 Posts Drives: very fast Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Toronto iTrader: (0)	reads like Tucker Max but, amazingly, less funny.
	Appreciate 0 Quote

04-15-2009, 02:53 PM	#9
NewSong Just another jerk in a hat... 121 Rep 1,462 Posts Drives: 2005 Ford Focus Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Irvine iTrader: (0)	Jerry Springer One day I was in a college chatroom on AOL, and found another girl who went to the same school I did (UC Berkeley at the time). This chick sent me an e-mail and we started chatting with each other. It was one liners back and forth via email and it got very flirtatious quick. She was basically offering sex. Great. The picture she sent me was highly distorted though, and from a far away view. I knew it wouldn't be good. I worked myself up though, and found myself going over to her North Side campus apartment in the middle of the night. Even though I had spoken to her over the phone and heard a definite "Fat chick lisp", I was trying to convince myself she would be decent. In text she had promised me to "wear her tight running clothes". I reasoned with myself that no fat chick has running clothes, and a fat woman would certainly not try to wear something tight, so maybe, just maybe I was dealing with a in shape girl here. How wrong I was. She was the fattest fcking thing I've ever seen. Morbidly obese. She was one step away from having her apartment's wall cut off and being lifted by crane to a Jerry Springer episode. Her house, like most of these chicks was a complete shthole. We sat and watched scrambled TV while I tried to have an inner monologue that would make me come to my senses. I didn't, and found myself kissing her. She had hideous teeth. We made our way to her bedroom. She wheezed as she spoke, and I closed my eyes as she gave me a handjob. I pathetically asked her to blow me several times, and she refused on the basis that "she didn't know me". She did suck my fingers though. After I came I got the f*ck out of there and didn't kiss her goodbye. Walking home that night I kind of laughed it off, but I was pretty ashamed. __________________ He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth.
	Appreciate 0 Quote

04-15-2009, 04:58 PM	#11
samwoo2go Banned 472 Rep 779 Posts Drives: E92 335i Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: SoCal iTrader: (12)	so uh how bout a pic of your wife
	Appreciate 0 Quote

04-15-2009, 05:25 PM	#12
Inspired Colonel 156 Rep 2,368 Posts Drives: 335i Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: California iTrader: (2)	pics of the girls? btw, what race are you?
	Appreciate 0 Quote

04-15-2009, 06:12 PM	#13
NewSong Just another jerk in a hat... 121 Rep 1,462 Posts Drives: 2005 Ford Focus Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Irvine iTrader: (0)	I'm white. So my baby is half white boy, half kim-chi. I think I may have a few pics of old dragon, and big peta girl. I'll look around when I get home from work. __________________ He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth.
	Appreciate 0 Quote