[3.0L]

Our department had a cheapskate manager for 12 years. During staff meetings she would drop vailed messages that our staff was an out-proportion-cost to ITS, along with other vailed messages that if she perceived that we weren't busy enough, she would load us with more work.

In addition, she cut out our annual BBQ. She turned down our requests for much needed new equipment to help us get our job done.

Later, this tight-wad was promoted to upper management and things got even worse. She and her boss had their offices refurbished to the tune of a 6 digit number (Other than perhaps a fresh coat of paint, those offices didn't need any improvements).

In the end, both of these ego-maniacs were relieved of duty for financial malfeasance. By that time I had retired, as well as several other staff members. Never mind that these two bozos retired with 3 times the pension I have.

I'm SO glad I'm retired!

[Tommy-G]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

Funny that you mention this, but yes. I am "The Fixer." When I worked for the big blue death star (at&t) each of the members of my team had nicknames. I was "Winston" or "The Wolf" based off Harvey Keitel's character on Pulp Fiction.

I keep trying to get the current employer to change my job title from Project Coordinator to Resident Genius. I'm kidding on the genius part, I'm not that bold, it's just funny that I'm the guy who gets contacted if it can't be fixed with duct tape, a hammer or self-tapping screws.

Keep meaning to order this

[vreihen16]

Back in the early 1990's, my employer had a VP who was complete luddite. For a few years in a row, my VP and the VP in charge of security submitted a joint access control system project to install card swipers on all doors. When it came up for a vote in the administrative counsel (president and all of the VP's), the luddite would get vocal about the extravagance of the project and see that it got shot down.

One day, my VP came into my office shaking his head. He had just come from an administrative counsel meeting, where the luddite VP was telling everyone how he went to his bank after-hours and used his ATM card to unlock the door. In all seriousness, he asked everyone why we couldn't set up something just like that for all of the doors at work!!! My VP came directly to my office from the meeting for a copy of the last rejected proposal, to have it approved that day.....

[King Rudi]

Within the past hour.

Forklift Operator: Can I go talk to Charlie?
Me: You can but why do you need to speak with QA?
FO: Because we have too many pedestrians walking around and if I hit one on a forklift, it won't be my fault.
Me: Well, the QA manager isn't going to help with this unless it's a quality assurance related issue. Also, I happen to be the guy that signs your forklift certification before you can operate one. So if you hit a pedestrian, it isn't your fault you say? Perhaps we should discuss this further.
FO: Well it's not my fault that we have people that don't work here walking through my area.
Me: Do you understand how simple it is to correct this issue, by removing a temporary employee from a forklift, versus asking the contractors and engineers that we are paying to be here, to not be in your way?

This guy is 20, it's his first job that isn't fast food and he barks orders at management and supervisors. I can hear the countdown clock ticking.

The take away from this conversation, make sure you know who you are talking to before you make an ass of yourself.

[Tommy-G]

Yesterday:

Little elf: Boss, you're going to be mad
Me: Why, what did you do? And I don't get mad
Little elf: Well you know that Corvette?
Me: Yes, what happened? Did you hit something in it or with it?
Little elf: No, the battery was dead and I got stuck in the car.
Me: OK, Anddddddddddddd
Little elf: Well, maybe its better if you just come look
-Walking out to the parking lot-
Me: What in the hell did you do child?
Little elf: Well, the doors have electric releases and the battery was dead and I paniced. I couldnt get out and it was getting hot and well, I paniced....so I donkey kicked the window out.
Me: Did you notice the big emergency release next to the seat with the emergency release sign on it?
Little elf: But I paniced and it was getting hot and I didnt have my phone and no one else was in the parking lot to help me
Me:Oy vay....where are you going? Get a broom and garbage and pick up all the broken glass. Now you know how dogs feel when A-holes leave them inside a car. Go back to work....have a nice day Little elf

$574.20 plus retint

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Tommy-G

Keep meaning to order this

Nice!

Just bought one! I went with black though.

https://www.amazon.com/Fixer-Everyth...9162701&sr=8-2

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Tommy-G

Yesterday:

Little elf: Boss, you're going to be mad
Me: Why, what did you do? And I don't get mad
Little elf: Well you know that Corvette?
Me: Yes, what happened? Did you hit something in it or with it?
Little elf: No, the battery was dead and I got stuck in the car.
Me: OK, Anddddddddddddd
Little elf: Well, maybe its better if you just come look
-Walking out to the parking lot-
Me: What in the hell did you do child?
Little elf: Well, the doors have electric releases and the battery was dead and I paniced. I couldnt get out and it was getting hot and well, I paniced....so I donkey kicked the window out.
Me: Did you notice the big emergency release next to the seat with the emergency release sign on it?
Little elf: But I paniced and it was getting hot and I didnt have my phone and no one else was in the parking lot to help me
Me:Oy vay....where are you going? Get a broom and garbage and pick up all the broken glass. Now you know how dogs feel when A-holes leave them inside a car. Go back to work....have a nice day Little elf

$574.20 plus retint

At least he came to you about it.

[DETRoadster]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

At least he came to you about it.

No kidding. Most kids these days would lay it like this:

Employee - Boss, you gotta come see the Corvette Something happened.
Tommy - What the hell happened here?
Employee - I dunno, someone must have tried to break in!
Tommy - Why's all the broken glass on the outside like it was busted from the inside out?
Employee - Ummmmmmmmmmm

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by DETRoadster

No kidding. Most kids these days would lay it like this:

Employee - Boss, you gotta come see the Corvette Something happened.
Tommy - What the hell happened here?
Employee - I dunno, someone must have tried to break in!
Tommy - Why's all the broken glass on the outside like it was busted from the inside out?
Employee - Ummmmmmmmmmm

Exactly! Making a mistake or doing something stupid is human. Attempting to cover it up is where it all goes wrong.

[Tommy-G]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

At least he came to you about it.

He's a good kid....he gets "abused" by todays terms from all the older guys and he keeps coming back like a beaten dog. He doesnt have much of a home life so this is like a fraternity for him

Originally Posted by DETRoadster

No kidding. Most kids these days would lay it like this:

Employee - Boss, you gotta come see the Corvette Something happened.
Tommy - What the hell happened here?
Employee - I dunno, someone must have tried to break in!
Tommy - Why's all the broken glass on the outside like it was busted from the inside out?
Employee - Ummmmmmmmmmm

You aint lying

[Tommy-G]

Management 101

[lsturbointeg]

me: Boss, it's starting to snow outside (pointing)
boss: and?
me: when can we order winter gear?
boss: what does snow have to do with winter gear.
me: (looking at my coworkers)

[vreihen16]

We don't have any money left in the budget for that $1,500 network load balancer that you need for a big project. While you're on the phone, we're ordering custom logo jackets for everyone in the department. What size do you want?????

[bosstones]

@DETRoadster Ha! Extortion? How about this:
Back in DEC2020, I ordered a part from a large, well known part Mfg so I could build HW for a program of mine. Super long lead time (SEP2021 dock date) but my PoP wasn't up until late 2023. I just wanted to get it done early for CY2022 sales.

Anyways, I get an e-mail this past June saying my part was delayed until late Q1 CY2023. Fook.... However, they could deliver my part in AUG2022 if I paid a $16k expedite fee. Apparently, they were going down their order list to see who would bite. Not sure how that was legal.

[DETRoadster]

Originally Posted by bosstones

@DETRoadster Ha! Extortion? How about this:
Back in DEC2020, I ordered a part from a large, well known part Mfg so I could build HW for a program of mine. Super long lead time (SEP2021 dock date) but my PoP wasn't up until late 2023. I just wanted to get it done early for CY2022 sales.

Anyways, I get an e-mail this past June saying my part was delayed until late Q1 CY2023. Fook.... However, they could deliver my part in AUG2022 if I paid a $16k expedite fee. Apparently, they were going down their order list to see who would bite. Not sure how that was legal.

Well that truly IS extortion.

[Darth One]

Recently:

IT (to mass distribution list of 1000 employees): announcement ! Wah wah wah
Dumbass (replying to all): I think I received this message in error. Please take me off this distribution list.
100 other dumbasses (replying to all): please take me off this list as well
Angry dumbass (replying to all): to all, please stop replying to all!
Angry dumbass 2 (replying to all): you're not helping either, if we all stop replying to all, this will stop
New dumbass (replying to all): please take me off this distribution list.

[sygazelle]

I'm retired now so no current stories. But, I've got very good documentation of the crazy situations I experienced while working at a major California bank many years ago. Why? The creator of Dilbert, Scott Adams, was an employee of the bank at the same time. Our bank was literally the foundation for the Dilbert cartoon series. Each Dilbert cartoon I read reminds me of exact situations we experience while working there. I know his material is generic and could apply to any work environment, but for me, it really has special significance because I can name the actual people he was writing about.

[DETRoadster]

Originally Posted by Darth One

Recently:

IT (to mass distribution list of 1000 employees): announcement ! Wah wah wah
Dumbass (replying to all): I think I received this message in error. Please take me off this distribution list.
100 other dumbasses (replying to all): please take me off this list as well
Angry dumbass (replying to all): to all, please stop replying to all!
Angry dumbass 2 (replying to all): you're not helping either, if we all stop replying to all, this will stop
New dumbass (replying to all): please take me off this distribution list.

Thats fantastic! Reminds me of when I worked for a 26,000 employee global company and an intern sent an all-company e-mail demanding that whomever had stollen his Hot Pocket from the 3 floor E-Wing break room, replace it with a new one.

[vreihen16]

Originally Posted by DETRoadster

Thats fantastic! Reminds me of when I worked for a 26,000 employee global company and an intern sent an all-company e-mail demanding that whomever had stollen his Hot Pocket from the 3 floor E-Wing break room, replace it with a new one.

One of the most bone-headed accidental emails that I've ever seen was someone who emailed a major donor's personal credit card information to 3,600 people. Talk about PCI violation!

You just reminded me of another one that our elderly CFO did back in the day. He sent an inter-office memo to all (before email), telling everyone not to use blah, blah, blah rag-content bond letterhead paper for inter-office memos. Only cheap copier paper should be used for memos. I don't know if his secretary did it intentionally as a joke or by mistake, but said memo was distributed to everyone on rag-content bond letterhead paper.....

[spazzyfry123]

Originally Posted by Darth One

Recently:

IT (to mass distribution list of 1000 employees): announcement ! Wah wah wah
Dumbass (replying to all): I think I received this message in error. Please take me off this distribution list.
100 other dumbasses (replying to all): please take me off this list as well
Angry dumbass (replying to all): to all, please stop replying to all!
Angry dumbass 2 (replying to all): you're not helping either, if we all stop replying to all, this will stop
New dumbass (replying to all): please take me off this distribution list.

Oof. We’ve got about 90k employees and one of these happened this year. You could watch the quantity of responses like a wave machine at the water park when new time zones were coming on. I had to have received 300+ e-mails before IT shut it down.

Afterwards there was an IT communication to discuss proper E-mail etiquette and a training all had to sign off on. Embarrassing.

I wish I could remember exactly what this one guy said, but it was gold. Something to the effect of anyone that replies all is an absolute idiot. Of course, he sent that by replying all.

[AntF32]

Back in the early 2000's i worked at a large UK Telecoms and TV infrastructure provider. The company was an eclectic mix of old boys (think tweed and smoking jackets) nerds (unfortunately the bracket i fall into) and those who carried just enough to get the job done. Telecoms attracts a certain type of person..

One guy who worked in the CAD team was the resident idiot out of a group of 400 and somehow managed to keep his job despite his antiestablishment agenda. One occasion he fell asleep at his desk watching porn. He was the resident special needs employee, walked with crouches due to a disability and he know he was there not because of his capability but more to fill a quota.

Long story short, he decided at the age of 45 and thanks to a large bonus was going on his first foreign holiday and booked a 3 week stay in Pattaya - Thailand.

His out of office was pure genius, crafted by somebody who knew he was untouchable and was something like;

YO! Bitch!

Thanks for your email, i'm out of the office in Thailand on a mission to bag as much Asian pussy as possible returning XXXXXX

I'll be licking ping pong balls, sniffing quim and playing "guess their age" whilst you sad freaks are working. Sucks to be you.

I walk with crouches now but when i return no doubt i'll need a wheelchair.

This was his internal AND external out of office....

Despite numerous complaints raised with HR and customer escalations made to CEO level Special D played the Timmy card and again managed not to get fired. He was bullet proof.

What got him sacked was him sniffing the LARGEST line of coke off a table during lunch one day. He tried to play the "medicine card" but ultimately had pushed his luck wayyyyyyyy too far and was sacked as a result.

[No one]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

Nice!

Just bought one! I went with black though.

https://www.amazon.com/Fixer-Everyth...9162701&sr=8-2

"You cannot get a vanity plate by buying. You must earn it!"