[dinonz]

Originally Posted by pennsiveguy

Here's something I've wrestled with for years. Does a prospective partner's financial status, at least relative to your own, matter to you?

I've drifted all over the road on this one. Does it matter to me? (Yeah, kind of). If it does, when and how do I bring it up? How much of a difference in financial status can a couple withstand, without it becoming an issue at some point?

Would love to know how you folks have grappled with this.

It can depend on your own circumstances. Where I am today if I only dated people with my income/net worth, it would be a very small pool, and they would probably think "I can easily get a guy younger and hotter than you".

One I dated years ago was sort of bothered by it - she couldn't afford the restaurants I wanted to go to. But we did go to her local (and cheap) Korean place she loved (it was good). In the end we agreed that she pay when we went there, and I'd pay elsewhere which was good - she didn't have to feel bad, and *I* got to go to some restaurants I enjoy too.

So while some degree of parity where they can contribute (first class tickets for 2 to Europe don't come cheap!) would be good but I think there's many things that would come before that for me. Things like has a pulse, likes me, can sleep through heavy snoring - minor things like that.

[pennsiveguy]

Originally Posted by dinonz

It can depend on your own circumstances. Where I am today if I only dated people with my income/net worth, it would be a very small pool, and they would probably think "I can easily get a guy younger and hotter than you".

Yeah, same situation with me. I was happy that the most recent GF made almost as much as I do, which made her pretty rare. It took financial strain and disparity out of the picture. But we still found tons of shit to fight about, so the financial piece is just that - a piece.

And I haven't run into the "cougar/boy-toy" effect, but I don't doubt its existence. I can't imagine such an "arrangement" being emotionally satisfying, but if she's really shallow and that's what she wants, she'll find it. Such a woman wouldn't be of interest to me anyway, so not a loss for me.

[Germanauto]

Originally Posted by ragingpanda

Life is so much more peaceful and have a lot more money and time to do things that I want to do when I'm not dating. I seriously can not go back to the plantation for some ass. I find it better to just hire a pro for their services whenever I get the urges.

I feel similarly. Getting to my late 20s and seeing more of my boys getting into relationships. Seems like too much effort and too much of being one another's emotional tampon. I'll take it seriously when I meet a girl who has LTR potential. Otherwise not gonna waste my time and money, would rather spend my time on my own hobbies and with friends.

[pennsiveguy]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

Financial status no, but yes to drive and ambition. I have no issue paying for dates with the person I'm seeing if they hit hard times, or if they are going to school. There are a lot of people my age who are in that in-between stage of working an entry level job, paying off student loans, rent, car payments, etc.

There is a big difference between someone who is hard working and smart with money and someone who is just lazy or a big spender. I have a few friends who have very good jobs, but couldn't budget to save their life. They might appear to be doing well but inside they are drowning in debt.

Agree 100%. I have far more admiration for someone who makes very little but works their ass off and is the best at what they do, than I have for someone who has a lot of resources - talent, money, connections - but squanders them and leads a pointless and selfish and self-destructive life.

[Triple Seven]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

WTF

She'll probably also blame you and your selfishness for not wanting to get involved with her.

Basically did. But also sent me a nude pic to try and sway my no decision lol.

[andrewmr]

Originally Posted by Triple Seven

Basically did. But also sent me a nude pic to try and sway my no decision lol.

Picture isn't loading....

[ragingpanda]

Originally Posted by Triple Seven

Basically did. But also sent me a nude pic to try and sway my no decision lol.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Triple Seven

Basically did. But also sent me a nude pic to try and sway my no decision lol.

...And this is why she likely has STDs.

[Turkish Pickle]

ooo guess who got ghosted again


your favorite turk

[premier3is]

Originally Posted by Triple Seven

Basically did. But also sent me a nude pic to try and sway my no decision lol.

Not sure if I'd take this as a positive sign or negative...

Guess it depends if you asked for one or just got surprised with it lol

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

ooo guess who got ghosted again


your favorite turk

have you considered laser hair removal?

[FuriouslyFast]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

Usually just terrible at conversation. I'm fairly outgoing, so I think part of it is them being nervous or shy. I think many of them just aren't that interesting. You ask them their hobbies, what they do for fun, what inspires them, etc, and they do nothing but sit on Facebook all day and like Instagram posts.

Every damn woman on these apps/sites says she loves travel, the outdoors, hiking, movies & music. I shit you not.

Then when you try to dive deeper, they have not done any of it in 75 years.

[FuriouslyFast]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

ooo guess who got ghosted again


your favorite turk

Happens to all of us. Keep it moving!

[FuriouslyFast]

Originally Posted by Triple Seven

Went on a first date to lunch. Ordered guacamole dip. Chic started talking about her STD tests, and heroin addict ex. Said she was waiting for the results. Last thing I want to discuss while eating guacamole dip is your fucking STD tests.

I hope you immediately walked out....

[Dang3r]

Originally Posted by Triple Seven

Basically did. But also sent me a nude pic to try and sway my no decision lol.

I know what you mean; had a similar situation at the beginning of cellphones with cams, which means, this is few years ago: Cancelled a date via SMS and got seconds later an unsharp but undoubtable answer, pictured with a certain part of her body
I stayed at my "no" and she stretched the rubber further to more explicit content.
She stopped sendings after my repost to collect all her part pics and and make then a public jigsaw puzzle from it.

[Tambohamilton]

Originally Posted by andrewmr

Picture isn't loading....

[JP10]

Originally Posted by pennsiveguy

Here's something I've wrestled with for years. Does a prospective partner's financial status, at least relative to your own, matter to you?

I've drifted all over the road on this one. Does it matter to me? (Yeah, kind of). If it does, when and how do I bring it up? How much of a difference in financial status can a couple withstand, without it becoming an issue at some point?

Would love to know how you folks have grappled with this.

I think there are more important things to worry about then the money side of things. The pay gap between my fiance and I is pretty large, but I feel it keeps things civil in a way. She takes really good care of me because she knows I work hard to provide a good life for us. She was with me while we were at our poorest (through college), and things have only gone up from there.

I think others have mentioned it, but I believe the drive to be successful is more important. It's one struggle that I have with my girl. Again, we don't necessarily need the money. I think we are pretty well off for our age, but I want her to want more for herself. She has the opportunity to progress in her field, but she doesn't feel driven to pursue it. Where I thrive on more and more responsibility and progressing she seems to be a little deterred by it. I honestly just don't feel that she knows what she wants to do yet, but she will figure it out. She's quite smart, hence why I know she could be doing more. We rarely fight, but if we do this is the topic lol. I just run my mouth too much

[andrewmr]

Originally Posted by pennsiveguy

Here's something I've wrestled with for years. Does a prospective partner's financial status, at least relative to your own, matter to you?

I've drifted all over the road on this one. Does it matter to me? (Yeah, kind of). If it does, when and how do I bring it up? How much of a difference in financial status can a couple withstand, without it becoming an issue at some point?

Would love to know how you folks have grappled with this.

Here's my 2 cents worth.


I think it's something younger people worry about. When I was young, and first starting out, I never even consider the fact that a girlfriend (or spouse) would earn more than me. As it started to become a reality, I thought about it for a while and said it was ok. And it was because neither of us held it over the other.

If one values the other based upon their income then I think that's when the problem(s) occur. I have a good friend that does this and it used to drive me nuts.

When I was dating, I expected the girl I was dating to take me out (pick up the check) on occasion. It didn't matter where and she could base it on her available funds at the time. As long as she was making an effort, then I was cool with that.

As for how big a difference can a couple tolerate..... well, that goes back to my early statement about how you treat the other person. If she's the right one, you'll be ok earning more and so would she if the roles were reversed.

[Rmtt]

As I stated earlier, my wife has a higher education than I do, but I make 5X her salary. But she works in a "public service" type of job with underprivileged children......and they don't get paid like they should. In fact, we spend more money out of pocket than we can deduct because sometimes there are cases where the kid really needs help.

She will pack bags of non-perishable food for them to take home as they may not have any other food around later.

We are able to do it, so we do.

But I know that most arguments in married people stem from money.

When we got engaged, I told her I knew there would be arguments between us as we went through life.....but money was a subject I would not argue with her about.

It's been 10 years or so, and we've never had that discussion. But it helps that we have the same spending habits. We are pretty cheap....aside from each of us having 1-2 vices. Even then, we only indulge them occasionally.

[FuriouslyFast]

Originally Posted by JP10

I think there are more important things to worry about then the money side of things.

Tell that to someone that is in a rough patch like being laid off, etc...

[Tambohamilton]

Yeah, money is nothing until you don't have any...

Even when I've been penniless (slept on a shelf, in a shed for a year, then on the floor of a canal boat for 1.5 years), there have been far more important things than money. I would spend the majority of my days trying to get money though. I was (am) super fortunate to have very supportive friends and family though, so I always knew I had a safety net.

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by Triple Seven

Basically did. But also sent me a nude pic to try and sway my no decision lol.

run