[Savageenterprise]

I went to a bank to cash in change at a change machine. I had all this change in one or two giant zip lock bags and when I went to take them out of my backpack they ripped open. About $150-$200 bucks in change splashed all over the floor and the whole bank was looking at me lol.

There were so many people on line and my face must have been beet Red haha. I considered walking out but I manned up for 15 minutes scraping the floor for my change. If it was under $50 I would have just walked out

[unluky]

Not me, but when I was young and starting my illustrious career - I went to work for a trucking company as a sales rep. They had me travel around the state and train with different reps and this one was a nice guy, but a little goofy and not great at sales.

He takes me to a place he says he can never get in to see the main dude so I take a run at it and he agrees to meet us. This guys was so excited to finally get in that he was almost licking himself all over. The guys assistant shows us in and the other rep almost pushes me over to get in first and approaches the desk with his hand out to shake and starts to semi-yell "hello my name is Daryl...." but between "hello" and "my" this HUGE booger flies out of his nose and onto the head cheese guys desk. It ALMOST hit his hand! The guy jumps back and almost trips over his chair. I was dying and it was not even me.

At an event for clients I was at about 8 months later (other rep no longer with the company) he admitted he let us in because when he looked out (I was dressed much better than the other rep) he thought I was his boss and was going to tell me to get him a new rep or get this guy to back off. He was so embarrassed for him that he didn't have the heart after the booger though. LOL - we drank and laughed about that all night that nite. He'd catch my eye and just hold up his beer and yell "incoming!"

[F30lolz]

For some reason I’ve had some females touch my ears/arms/hands. Drunk AF. Been asked out on dates, phone numbers and been offered to go in with them to bars, clubs and their homes. My wife wants me to get back into corporate haha. TBH I’m getting tired of it, repeating the same crap to passengers who ask the same questions:

A. Do you do this full time? (I get asked this at least 10 times per night)
2. How much to you make doing this? (Avg 3 times a night)
D. Where are you from? (Avg 12 times a night)
7. How old are you? (Avg 10 times a night)
G. Are you straight? (Two men have asked me this haha)

Had a woman who sat up front telling me she just broke up with her bf and immediately asked if I was single. Wanted me to go with her to a bar and to chill. Desperate much?

I consider myself a solid 3.5 so not sure what these bitches see in me.

[BimmerAg]

Back in college I did a study abroad for one summer in Spain. There was a group of about 30 of us, and a couple of the girls were pretty hot. One weekend, the whole group took a trip to Mallorca and spent the whole time sunburned and drunk. One night at the bars/clubs, I started flirting with one of the girls and eventually we start making out. About 3-4AM we decide to head back to the hotel, and she invites me up to her room. We're in the elevator making out again, and it arrives to her floor, the bell sounds, and the doors open. We stop kissing to get out of the elevator, and one of our professors is standing there. That pretty much killed the mood, and she quickly said bye to me and scurried out of the elevator and back to her room. Our professor said he was going up, so I said I was going back down, and closed the elevator door. By breakfast/lunch the next morning, the whole group was talking about our little escapade...

[jaye944]

getting caught by my mom spanking the monkey in my room
.
.
.
.

No really, I bought a stuffed toy shaped like a monkey, and I was frustrated so I was beating crap out of it

[jaye944]

Recently, women out of the blue, will come up and chat to me, couple times with my 7yr dd, once in the car park getting outta the BM.

I'll be standing there minding my own business (usually in a store) and they will just chat me up

I wish I could attribute it to being married, but I dont wear a ring, I had a lot of hot chicks chat me up when I used to take my dd when she was a month old

I'd rate myself a 10+ LOLZ

Originally Posted by F30lolz

For some reason I’ve had some females touch my ears/arms/hands. Drunk AF. Been asked out on dates, phone numbers and been offered to go in with them to bars, clubs and their homes. My wife wants me to get back into corporate haha. TBH I’m getting tired of it, repeating the same crap to passengers who ask the same questions:

A. Do you do this full time? (I get asked this at least 10 times per night)
2. How much to you make doing this? (Avg 3 times a night)
D. Where are you from? (Avg 12 times a night)
7. How old are you? (Avg 10 times a night)
G. Are you straight? (Two men have asked me this haha)

Had a woman who sat up front telling me she just broke up with her bf and immediately asked if I was single. Wanted me to go with her to a bar and to chill. Desperate much?

I consider myself a solid 3.5 so not sure what these bitches see in me.

[MKSixer]

I don't even know where to begin...

First date with the now, ex-wife. Big football day and we wanted to watch it at a local BBQ joint. We go in, sit, have a beer then order the food. Things are going well and the food comes. This place specializes in ribs and that's what we both order. She orders the baby backs and I order the St. Louis beef ribs. They look like something from Fred Flintstone's time period. I pick up the first one, raise it to my mouth and it slips from my hand, lands on my shirt, and proceeds to slide down in slow motion down the shirt, onto my pants and in my effort to catch it, push it down my pants where it finally falls to the floor after doing a cliff-dive over my knee. I'm in a crisp white button-down collar shirt and khakis (from my horrible preppy days ). We lock eyes for a second, and just started laughing like idiots. It broke the ice well and the rest of the date was perfect.

[Matt@EuroJerks]

I was a bar once in college with my buddy, his newly acquired slam toy, and a few of her friends . One of her friends was a guy and we were all chatting it up about random things . In walks this not so attractive girl and my buddy in his infinite wisdom says "Holy Sh!&! Look at that chick, it looks like she was hit by a train!" To which our new buddy says "That's my sister and she WAS hit by a train"

I dropped my beer to decrease the tension and awkwardness of the moment. He had a few words for my buddy. My buddy bought him and his sister drinks all night. She never knew about the exchange.

Of course it's an ongoing joke between my buddy and I...

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Matt@EuroJerks

I was a bar once in college with my buddy, his newly acquired slam toy, and a few of her friends . One of her friends was a guy and we were all chatting it up about random things . In walks this not so attractive girl and my buddy in his infinite wisdom says "Holy Sh!&! Look at that chick, it looks like she was hit by a train!" To which our new buddy says "That's my sister and she WAS hit by a train"

I dropped my beer to decrease the tension and awkwardness of the moment. He had a few words for my buddy. My buddy bought him and his sister drinks all night. She never knew about the exchange.

Of course it's an ongoing joke between my buddy and I...

im cringing at the amount of emojis...

[Savageenterprise]

Soooo The block I live on hosted a block party and I decided, since I was part of this event, to invite all my friends and family over. I start drinking pretty early, by BBQ time I’m annihilated drunk thanks in part to an ice luge my brother-in-law brought to the party. Anyway, apparently I kept dropping hotdogs on the ground and putting them back back on the bbq saying “it’s fine it’s fine” lol. Thankfully my buddy was doing some quality control and throwing them out after I put them back on ha. I honestly Don’t even remember grilling and I never black out from drinking so yeah.

[Yapakanichi]

I don't know, I think lately it's been forgetting how to talk or form sentences when I'm speaking with patients. Try saying medical marijuana over 100 times a day.

However, if I had to think of something, I was like 12..maybe. Growing up, every summer we would take the summer vacation to my grandparents in VA and the condo in SC (other family members owned, we just used it with them). Well I got the great idea one summer to go for walks on the beach at night. Don't ask me why my parents didn't stop me I have no idea. Well one night I got sick, real sick while on walk. I made it back to the condo, but the lobby was locked shut and the stairwell door was shut as well. Well you can assume what happened next....

....It was bad. Little stupid me didn't think, "hey it's the beach go in the water". I stood their as what seemed like forever as nothing I could do would stop the inevitable. The worst part isn't shitting yourself at the family condo in the parking lot. It's having to wait for someone to open the door so you can go in. It's having to say, "no no you go by yourselves I'm covered in shit."

So what did we learn that day?

- Can't stop the inevitable....
- Shit will and is going to happen...
- Shit in the water at the beach if you have no where to go...

[shay2nak]

I have been pretty lucky in my life in this regard, however back in college I was working on my senior design project and there were a few days I was up 24 hours to finish. One day I bring my PS1 to hook up to the analog TV (summer 2001), which is attached to a frame hanging from a wall. I reach up to turn the TV around and all of a sudden it falls down. I try to catch it, but it hits the back of a chair (it was right over the first line of PCs for use) and lands on the floor. I look up and see the nut had fallen off as it was not screwed in all the way to hold the TV. This thing was on there by literally less than a thread. Luckily it was the weekend and no one was in that seat. Anyway, I put the TV on a table and it doesn't turn on. The back cover for the connectors is jacked a bit. There were a couple people to witness this. So, on Monday everyone knows that I did it and what made it worse was this happened during Lakers' playoff run with Shaq & Kobe. They were all mad as hell because now there is no TV to watch. Someone eventually found some ancient TV from 1960s with wood panels and saved my ass.

Then a short time later, the admins deleted all my fucking lab reports from a PC I was using and locked my account during finals week and I could no longer turn them in which got me a F and forced me to take that shitty lab again.

They called me D&D ... DELETE & DESTRUCTION

[Dog Face Pony Soldier]

Years ago I went to a friend's wedding. Ended up having sex with the bride's sister. While we're gone the entire wedding is looking for the brides sister. We both walk back into the room like sweaty, spilled drink messes with the entire room looking at us with it being obvious we just shagged. That was an embarrassing moment.

[RickFLM4]

Originally Posted by Matt@EuroJerks

I was a bar once in college with my buddy, his newly acquired slam toy, and a few of her friends . One of her friends was a guy and we were all chatting it up about random things . In walks this not so attractive girl and my buddy in his infinite wisdom says "Holy Sh!&! Look at that chick, it looks like she was hit by a train!" To which our new buddy says "That's my sister and she WAS hit by a train"

I dropped my beer to decrease the tension and awkwardness of the moment. He had a few words for my buddy. My buddy bought him and his sister drinks all night. She never knew about the exchange.

Of course it's an ongoing joke between my buddy and I...

Your buddy wins this competition.

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by glennQNYC

Years ago I went to a friend's wedding. Ended up having sex with the bride's sister. While we're gone the entire wedding is looking for the brides sister. We both walk back into the room like sweaty, spilled drink messes with the entire room looking at us with it being obvious we just shagged. That was an embarrassing moment.

Was she hot?

[MKSixer]

Round 2...

In college taking the obligatory PE class so I selected tennis. This is like a fish electing to take swimming as a PE class. The coach, who is a family friend, sees me and immediately knows he can pass off most of the teaching duties to me. Day one he calls me up and asks me to demonstrate the proper form for service. Did it mention that it's tennis and full of hot women? It was. I go up, do the demo for about 10 minutes and highly self-satisfied move back to my place with the other students near an extra hot chick. She says, "Good job...you made it look really easy". I say, "Thanks." while trying to be cool and modest. She then looks me directly in the eye and says, "BTW, your fly is open, too."

[Dog Face Pony Soldier]

Originally Posted by MKSixer

Was she hot?

Of course.