03-26-2014, 02:33 PM | #45 | ||||
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You have the right mindset. I've always thought the same way too. That's why i don't want to invest a lot of time and money on a pet. Instead i'll invest on a child. The animal will just die in a few years, whereas a child (HOPEFULLY) will grow to become a successful human and take care of you when you get older.
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03-26-2014, 02:34 PM | #46 |
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I was just reminded of something. About five years ago, a college friend (well educated, professional, responsible couple) visited me with his wife and two year old. This is when I was still with my ex and we were discussing timing and kids. This kid...holy crap...he was effective birth control for both of us. He was like a blender with the lid off in both noise and mess, and downright mean. You'd smile at him and he'd scream and throw things at you...he did his damndest to destroy our furniture. He always had tendrils of snot running down his face. His parents looked miserable, but I could tell the wife at least thought much of this behavior was...almost endearing. We were both aghast. Hosting them for a few days was awkward as hell and we grew distant from them after that.
I talked to my friend a couple of years ago. I was single then, happy and talking about my new lifestyle. He had another kid and an unhappy marriage. His life had become the living embodiment of my worst fears and, in a moment of candor, although he loves his kids, he confided in me that my life was his fantasy. I think it's rare to get that kind of honesty. |
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03-26-2014, 02:35 PM | #47 | |
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she is a stay at home mom and her husband makes $33K a year.........he's also 24...... fuck me, right !?!? |
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03-26-2014, 02:36 PM | #48 |
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03-26-2014, 02:38 PM | #49 |
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No disrespect but is that 4 kids by 4 diff baby daddys?
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03-26-2014, 02:39 PM | #50 | |
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03-26-2014, 02:40 PM | #51 |
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Im 27 this year and never really cared about having kids. A lot of my friends are engaged/married/pregnant/and or have kid(s) already. I see peoples kids and think they are nice but its not something I really thought I wanted.......UNTIL I got pregnant 6 months ago. It was a shock/surprise to my boyfriend and myself. I was 110 when I got pregnant and now 6 months later I am 121. I am "all baby" Not swollen anywhere, still can wear all my stilettos (which I do wear) still the same band size 32 just a larger cup size now. I'm not going to "blow up." and let myself go and gain 40lbs like a lot of women do. I have no stretch marks. I grease myself up with cocoa butter, eat healthy and I take extremely good care of myself. At the end of this pregnancy (if I can manage to gain a pound a week) I will have only put on 26 pounds. So it doesnt destroy your body as you assume. Infact my boyfriend says I look even sexier, pregnant. I still have my same figure. From behind you cant even tell Im 6 months pregnant.
Now that this has happened to me, my views have completely changed. I cannot wait to be a Mommy. Having someone depend on you and having someone to love unconditionally is going to be the greatest feeling in the world. I cant wait to hold her in my arms, to buy her a pony, to teach her how to walk, how to spell, do math, take her to dance class, and just do all the things a parent does. Its truly a different feeling once it happens and knowing that person is on this earth because of you just makes your heart smile. Hearing a heartbeat on the fetal doppler knowing that YOU created that is just amazing. It has also brought my bf and I closer together as well. That's my 2 cents. |
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03-26-2014, 02:43 PM | #52 | |
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03-26-2014, 02:47 PM | #53 |
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In for pics!!
Just kidding, good luck with the pregnancy Sara. Sounds like you are taking care of yourself. My wife was the same way with both our kids and today she is 48 and still weighs the same 115 pounds that was back in our college days...
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03-26-2014, 02:49 PM | #54 |
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Ha, but going to have to disagree. Neither of my boys were like this. Very active, yes, but screaming at other grown-ups, downright mean, nope. Don't get me wrong, my kids at that age threw the occasional temper tantrum but not what is described by carve...
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03-26-2014, 02:54 PM | #56 |
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I miss my kids at that age. thats why we're having more.
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03-26-2014, 03:00 PM | #57 |
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Great topic and one that I have been thinking about quite a bit myself. I have come to the conclusion that having kids is not for everyone. In fact, I think it is appropriate for a lot fewer people than society would have you believe. Just look at all the broken homes and poor parenting that exists today. Raising kids is a HUGE responsibility and there should be more people like the OP who employ critical thought to deciding whether or not they have the desire and resources to have children, as opposed to just believing it's something that you're supposed to do and just doing it. Personally, I am not inclined to ever have kids, for a lot of the same reasons that the OP identified. This will sound like a paradox, but it is because of the very fact that raising children in a healthy manner is so important, that I will probbaly choose to never have them. It's hard work and unless you are fully committed to it, it's probably best not to do it.
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03-26-2014, 03:00 PM | #58 |
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Before we had kids I questioned my wife's wisdom on why on earth she wanted a kid when she already had the best possible kid at the time which was ME!!!!
I told her She had all the good parts of s kid without the downsides, She never bought it and we have two kids today and there are days she feels she should have listen to me. |
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03-26-2014, 03:04 PM | #59 |
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Why should the question be offensive for a parent? I would argue it's closed-minded to say that just because parenting was the right choice for you that it must be the right choice for everyone. I would think that as a parent who truly understands the challenges of raising a kid, that you would be more inclined to realize that it's not for everyone.
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03-26-2014, 03:05 PM | #60 | |
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03-26-2014, 03:05 PM | #61 |
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This topic is very similar to the "Marriage thread".
When i was 18yrs all i wanted to do was get into a relationship, get married and have kids so i can be "Happy". Thank goodness i didnt do any of that, As i get older, i'm beginning to realize that most people (70%) do stuff just because their parents pressured them, their friends pressured them or society pressured them. People get into and stay in BAD relationships just because they don't want to be lonely or because all their friends are dating. People get married just because their parents pressured them to. (especial foreigners) People have kids just because society pressured them to or just because they think it's the next step after marriage. What i'm trying to say is, don't let other people pressure you into lifelong events. They won't be there to see your pain.
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03-26-2014, 03:05 PM | #62 |
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Behavior depends. Plenty of smart, professional people have the best intentions for their kids but end up spoiling them as a result. My sister has insisted that she will never hit her kid, she doesn't believe in yelling or negative reinforcement of any sort. My nephew is a nightmare as a result. He will scream so loudly if upset that he literally loses breath for a few seconds, constantly messy, she has to reason with him and barter trips to Target to get him to do basic things like bathe and brush his teeth and she's always complaining about him being a handful. This is a seven-year-old by the way. A good friend of mine is more oldschool about it, the type who takes his son out to the parking lot for a "lesson" if he doesn't say thank you to the waitstaff. We kept his kids for 3 days while they were in Tennessee and I hardly noticed that they were there.
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03-26-2014, 03:07 PM | #63 |
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You do realize they only get to be that age for exactly 1 year per kid, right? I hope you don't miss it too much after the next one, you might end up with like 10 kids!
Just busting your chops man I know what you mean. |
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03-26-2014, 03:14 PM | #64 | |
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I've had some of the same thoughts as your first post as well, and have been told by various people that, "if you don't want kids, you are an incredibly selfish person". However, isn't it also selfish to want to prolong your genetic existence on this planet by having kids? The way I see it is that people have different priorities in life. I think the biggest worry is how the relationship can potentially change once a kid is involved. I've seen a couple of extreme examples where one parent sees the kid as priority number 1 and devotes their time completely to the kid, ignoring their significant other for the most part. Similar to your post above, several of my friends with kids have told me they are jealous of my simple, kid-lacking lifestyle. Their kids don't act like little hellions such as the one you describe, though they are still quite a handful.
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03-26-2014, 03:21 PM | #65 |
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lets hope I grow out of it , if not i'll just wait for grandkids??
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03-26-2014, 03:22 PM | #66 |
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Here's something to think about. Do you ever want to be a Grandpa? Do you ever want to see your child graduate high school? College? What about during the Holidays when you're in your 60's and your parents are passed away. Do you want to be alone? or would you like to have your grown children and grand children coming to visit. What about when you're 80 and your spouse passes away. Do you want to be in a nursing home or would you rather have your children be able to take care of you and call you and keep you company? Its not just the "kid" phase to think about. Its the rest of your life.
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