[Cyberdemon]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

My advice is at 4 to 6 months sleep train, it's a tough week or so but changes everything. Especially if the kid is the needy type because he/she will want to be held all night and the second you put them down start wailing. This is a recipe for disaster, it means literally zero sleep and within days your life degenerates into a mess.

I am a tight arse but was so desperate i agreed to the training, it was $1,000 for the lady to come over, guide us through it (she stays 2 nights) and then offer support for weeks afterwards. After 3 weeks of CRIPPLING lack of sleep, the kid went down within 2 nights and was soothing himself when he stirred at night. Fucking best $1K i ever spent.

Save the money, buy this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Twelve-Hours-.../dp/0525949593

We had our son starting sleep training at 8 weeks, and he slept through the night completely by week 10-11. The first time we fell asleep through the night was the worst feeling, we both woke up not realizing we had slept through the night. This book is like a 60 minute read and it worked for us and we've given it to all of our friends, those who used it swear by it, and those who never read it still complain about their kids never sleeping.

It's all heavily based on the functional issues of "do they have enough food, is their stomach big enough, and will they self soothe", I cringe when I hear about families who still have their kid sleeping in their bed from birth through 3-4 years.

[KenB925]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

My advice is at 4 to 6 months sleep train, it's a tough week or so but changes everything. Especially if the kid is the needy type because he/she will want to be held all night and the second you put them down start wailing. This is a recipe for disaster, it means literally zero sleep and within days your life degenerates into a mess.

This is absolutely true.

[amzbimmer]

Originally Posted by KenB925

This is absolutely true.

After reading through this thread, agree 100%. Learn to sleep train your kid at the appropriate age. You will be a much better parents if you can set the boundaries early.

Our kid sleeps from 8:45pm-8:45am every day and even lies in his crib when he wakes up early until we get him.

[Alfisti]

I will never, ever understand kids sleeping with their parents, it's just a terrible idea on so many fronts and sets the stage for needy and scared kids.

[TboneS54]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

I will never, ever understand kids sleeping with their parents, it's just a terrible idea on so many fronts and sets the stage for needy and scared kids.

I thought that way too, before hand, but now having a kid, I think I understand. Sometimes the love is too powerful. We slept trained, mind. He's not needy anyway; we wish he was a little more sometimes haha.

Almost done with year 2 here, I feel like a soldier headed back to the Ardennes forest.

Actually, I've learned and matured a lot in the last 22 months, so I'm pretty excited for the future. He's talking and doing so much now, it's a lot more fun.

He just started saying recently, "I'm funny" when we laugh at something he does I often tell him he's a funny guy so he must have picked up on it.

[Alfisti]

YMMV but it's around age 4 they really come to life for me. Really start to get a personality, they are sleeping well, learning fast, can run, jump, play and be cheeky. I am WFH right now and my 4 (nearly 5) year old is with me, it's been a good bonding experience.

[Cyberdemon]

My son at 2 1/2 could correctly identify and say "Porsh-uh" and knows almost every common marque of car at this point based on the badge. So my work is done here. 😂

[danniexi]

just discovered this thread, though i have nothing to rant about.

my first is three years old turning four. already started pre-k, and although had a hard time adjusting since she missed her previous “teacher” (daycare), she’s now going to school with a smile on her face. she loves it.

my second was born during the pandemic (June). healthy and beautiful as can be, and probably the happiest little girl around. first month, started off waking up twice a night for a feeding and diaper change. second month, only wakes up once for a feeding. third month in, she’s sleeping through the night. never complains/cries unless she shat herself or is overly tired (due to our own poor planning), is always smiling, and takes bottles or the boob like a champ.

parenthood is easy since our children make it easy, plus my wife is a bloody rockstar. fuckin blessed.

[spazzyfry123]

Our due date was two days ago, 10/6. Where's this baby at??

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by Cyberdemon

Save the money, buy this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Twelve-Hours-.../dp/0525949593

We had our son starting sleep training at 8 weeks, and he slept through the night completely by week 10-11. The first time we fell asleep through the night was the worst feeling, we both woke up not realizing we had slept through the night. This book is like a 60 minute read and it worked for us and we've given it to all of our friends, those who used it swear by it, and those who never read it still complain about their kids never sleeping.

It's all heavily based on the functional issues of "do they have enough food, is their stomach big enough, and will they self soothe", I cringe when I hear about families who still have their kid sleeping in their bed from birth through 3-4 years.

Youngest was 12 when he left Hence why he's the youngest

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by KenB925

I used to think that too, and in some cases it may be. Our first had colic, I think she too a bottle twice in her life, and it was when she was basically asleep. To make it worse, my wife is a nurse, and at the time she was working nights. (all the memories are beginning to flood back in) I don't have time for it now, but I could write the longest post in history about the first year or two.

My message to first time parents, if you are struggling with the first kid, it doesn't mean you are messing up, you may just be dealing with your 'difficult' child. (by the way, the difficult ones stay difficult...you have been warned)

This is so true! Our first was extremely difficult, he was being followed by doctors as potential failure to thrive because he flat out refused to eat most of the time and his eating was like one or two bites, falling off the growth chart and losing weight. Slept like a champ though - probably because his body was trying to conserve energy.

1st year was honestly like a version of hell for us. We were at each others throats and I wasn't a very good father to him either and I'm still bothered by that. Took me probably 8 months before I could honestly say I loved him. Somewhere around 1.5 years he turned it around though and started eating more or less normal amounts, which we were ecstatic about.

Now, he eats awesome, pretty much anything and everything and a decent amount of it, but he's difficult for other reasons. Namely he seems to be very intelligent and he's exploring that in ways that make him difficult, because there will be a few times where he'll trap us in our speech...and getting played by a 5 year old is pretty humiliating, I'll be honest. We love him and love his personality, but he inherited a double dose of stubbornness from each of us and that combined with his intelligence, I suspect he's always going to be a difficult one. In a good way too though.

[Cyberdemon]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

This is so true! Our first was extremely difficult, he was being followed by doctors as potential failure to thrive because he flat out refused to eat most of the time and his eating was like one or two bites, falling off the growth chart and losing weight. Slept like a champ though - probably because his body was trying to conserve energy.

1st year was honestly like a version of hell for us. We were at each others throats and I wasn't a very good father to him either and I'm still bothered by that. Took me probably 8 months before I could honestly say I loved him. Somewhere around 1.5 years he turned it around though and started eating more or less normal amounts, which we were ecstatic about.

Now, he eats awesome, pretty much anything and everything and a decent amount of it, but he's difficult for other reasons. Namely he seems to be very intelligent and he's exploring that in ways that make him difficult, because there will be a few times where he'll trap us in our speech...and getting played by a 5 year old is pretty humiliating, I'll be honest. We love him and love his personality, but he inherited a double dose of stubbornness from each of us and that combined with his intelligence, I suspect he's always going to be a difficult one. In a good way too though.

My sister has a lot of similar problems, my nephew had to have a surgery right after birth, and it wound up being super disruptive for him being able to nurse or sleep on a regular schedule. He wound up with a bunch of respiratory issues after (where they had to try everything from special cleaners, getting rid of their cat, different medications) and the steroids that worked for his respiratory issues further suppressed his appetite which meant he had similar growth issues (my 2.5 y/o is in the 95th percentile for height, their 4 y/o is in the 3rd) so even when they play they're right around the same size. But that's been super hard for them and I think you have to appreciate everything around it.

My son was born with a moderate hearing loss in both ears, which was devastating for us at the time, but he rallied through it so well we're really incredibly lucky. We were lucky to get services early enough to keep him completely on track that the biggest problem we face is just making sure he tells us when his hearing aid batteries die.

[Alfisti]

I will add that there is a lot of help out there for women and basically nothing for men who are dealing with work and often a wife that is on the ragged edge of surviving. You get all the blame and zero credit, no one cares about you except maybe your own mother.

Picking a partner is vital, you can kinda tell but maybe do not wan to admit if your girlfriend is the "tuck it under her arm and get it done" type or likely to crumble under the pressure. Follow your gut young men, it WILL be right.

[KenB925]

Well said Bill.

[BlackF82]

Our twins were born late 2019, almost 10 months later and......

Still crying like day one, still waking up at night, still hate car rides and car seats, still cry in the stroller, still needy and want 100% attention, still..........you get the point!

My wife and I never even argued once before the babies. Now, barking at each other on a daily basis is the norm.

Everyone keeps saying it will get easier, when the fuck will this happen?

[fiveohwblow]

Originally Posted by BlackF82

Our twins were born late 2019, almost 10 months later and......

Still crying like day one, still waking up at night, still hate car rides and car seats, still cry in the stroller, still needy and want 100% attention, still..........you get the point!

My wife and I never even argued once before the babies. Now, barking at each other on a daily basis is the norm.

Everyone keeps saying it will get easier, when the fuck will this happen?

Riiiiiight around the time of never.


But no seriously the second they become a bit more self sufficient. It begins to ease around 2 years old and just at a gradual pace gets better and better.

[Atiqofsweden]

(28YO) Father of a boy at 8m now, he's slept whole nights since he was born, except for feeding 2 times per night. suddenly about a month ago he started getting teeth, and ever since the nights are no longer calm and quiet. Altough no screaming... he's just waking up and being extremely excited and happy a coulpe of times every night and not coming down easily to sleep again, can take a couple of hrs. Guess i should not complain

[BlackF82]

Originally Posted by fiveohwblow

Riiiiiight around the time of never.


But no seriously the second they become a bit more self sufficient. It begins to ease around 2 years old and just at a gradual pace gets better and better.

Oh man we got a while to go, the times they do laugh and play is irreplaceable

[Cyberdemon]

Originally Posted by BlackF82

Our twins were born late 2019, almost 10 months later and......

Still crying like day one, still waking up at night, still hate car rides and car seats, still cry in the stroller, still needy and want 100% attention, still..........you get the point!

My wife and I never even argued once before the babies. Now, barking at each other on a daily basis is the norm.

Everyone keeps saying it will get easier, when the fuck will this happen?

I'd try to see if you can put a root cause behind some of those things, and try to see if you can start a sleep training schedule.

Before 12 months kids are kind of like tamagachi's - as long as they're fed, clean, and have some kind of soothing mechanism they should be pretty content.

Things we found very helpful:
-Teaching signs for basics like milk, food, water, help. Kids cry because they have no other method of communication at that age. Using signs to recognize when they want something becomes really useful in that early phase between just crying and actually being able to be happy because they get what they want.
-We swear by that sleep training book I posted above.
-Sometimes there are other problems, like reflux that mean the babies are actually uncomfortable or in pain. My wife had to go on a very restrictive diet when she was breastfeeding because she found that dairy, spicy foods and gluten all bothered our son. It sucked for her but once she elimianted foods that were problematic his reflux went way down and we stopped having to do laundry every single day. Checking with their doctor might help if you think something is up - because there might be something beyond just attention.
-Soothing mechanisms are important too, sometimes having something that smells like mom, a white noise machine, or other things to soothe them are important before they develop their own mechanisms.

I'm a very analytical person, so I treat my kid like I treat diagnosing an IT problem or a check engline light - trying to figure out what is actually the specific thing rather than getting too emotionally tied up.

With that said, sometimes (Especially once they start talking) they'll just want to push your buttons to test the limits of their environment and then you want to shake them, you just need to remember they're establishing rules and boundaries this whole time and be patient.

Good scotch also helps.

[BlackF82]

Originally Posted by Cyberdemon

I'd try to see if you can put a root cause behind some of those things, and try to see if you can start a sleep training schedule.

Before 12 months kids are kind of like tamagachi's - as long as they're fed, clean, and have some kind of soothing mechanism they should be pretty content.

Things we found very helpful:
-Teaching signs for basics like milk, food, water, help. Kids cry because they have no other method of communication at that age. Using signs to recognize when they want something becomes really useful in that early phase between just crying and actually being able to be happy because they get what they want.
-We swear by that sleep training book I posted above.
-Sometimes there are other problems, like reflux that mean the babies are actually uncomfortable or in pain. My wife had to go on a very restrictive diet when she was breastfeeding because she found that dairy, spicy foods and gluten all bothered our son. It sucked for her but once she elimianted foods that were problematic his reflux went way down and we stopped having to do laundry every single day. Checking with their doctor might help if you think something is up - because there might be something beyond just attention.
-Soothing mechanisms are important too, sometimes having something that smells like mom, a white noise machine, or other things to soothe them are important before they develop their own mechanisms.

I'm a very analytical person, so I treat my kid like I treat diagnosing an IT problem or a check engline light - trying to figure out what is actually the specific thing rather than getting too emotionally tied up.

With that said, sometimes (Especially once they start talking) they'll just want to push your buttons to test the limits of their environment and then you want to shake them, you just need to remember they're establishing rules and boundaries this whole time and be patient.

Good scotch also helps.

Thank you, I appreciate the tips.

Initially, they did have an upset stomach because they were borderline premature birth babies. However, it was obvious once they passed that period.

As for breast feeding, they are bottle fed. My wife hardly made any milk once they were born.

We established a routine since they were born, like sleeping time, no tv or phone, white noise when sleeping, etc., play time, walks....

They are fed every 2 hours with diaper changes every hour.

They seem to easily get bored, for example start to fuss after 10 minutes of walking (them in the stroller)

I think their sleep is disrupted because of the stupid docband they have to wear to fix their melons 🍉

As for scotch, we don't drink due to religious beliefs but we should get a punching bag lol......

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

I will never, ever understand kids sleeping with their parents, it's just a terrible idea on so many fronts and sets the stage for needy and scared kids.

Same here. When I was a child, I preferred to sleep with other people's parents.

[RMachuca3d]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

I will never, ever understand kids sleeping with their parents, it's just a terrible idea on so many fronts and sets the stage for needy and scared kids.

Every kid is different, parenthood shouldnt be a militant black and white thing, My eldest daughter (now 10) went through periods where she could only sleep well with us, we could force her to stay in her bed, but the morning after you could see she would be tired, anxious and just not herself... why make her suffer just so you can sleep alone with your wife? So we allowed her to do it but we reminded her its not forever, within months eventually she started coming into our bed later and later into the night, now she never does and sleeps full nights on her own no problem. There has to be a little flexibility for their peace of mind. My middle son is different, he is robotically programmed to come to our bed between 1-2am, like clockwork, we can walk him back to bed every night, but within 10-30 minutes he'll sleepwalk right back.... he's not a normal case though as he's an aspie (aspergers). My youngest daughter went through a few months where she walked into our bed, but it was rare, when she did we welcomed her because it was a case of having a bad dream or having an anxious day, again we also had the talk with her that its fine, but not forever type deal, and she sleeps in her bed all night now reliably.

Being militant about it can raise emotional issues in the future CREATING that need for dependance, so in my opinion being reasonable and somewhat flexible can go a long way. As with anything, no two kids are alike, again emphasizing on the flexibility part.