[Greenkirby21]

Originally Posted by faou4rm

My sister just graduated from UCLA with a biochem degree. Studied on her own and took the MCAT twice..
She always found the time to text me goodnight and hangout with me during the weekends tho..

Let me know how your relationship goes.
4 years is a long time, and maybe things are just too calm and repetitive?
Perhaps try adding some spark in your relationship?

Well maybe I am overreacting, but I just feel like I'm putting more effort then she is. I do so much to try to spark it but she just kills the mood all the time recently.

Maybe she is afraid of marriage? Now that we have just graduated, everyone keeps asking us when we will get married and stuff (some of my friends are getting married as well). I spoke about it once with my GF, and she says we are way too young to get married and she doesn't want to get married until after medical school. Fine by me, I'm not in a rush.

She said she cares about me but its a very difficult time for her because she has so much pressure from her parents to get into medical school. Right now school is her highest priority and she can't mess up her life just to hang out and have fun. She claims things will go back to normal next month once she's taken the exam.

So, I guess I will see if what she says is true or not. I don't want to leave her in the time she needs me the most, and the last 3.5 years have been awesome and a lot of fun. But the last 6 months have been driving me crazy

Maybe she is afraid of her not going to her school of choice? UTSW is very close to both our houses, so that is her school of choice. But if she got accepted
anywhere else in Texas, or the nation, she told me she would not hesitate to leave. What would happen then to our relationship?

I don't like how she is single minded. To her its school or boyfriend. Why not both? I certainly did. My GPA was higher than hers and I never got into this sort of BS. Women


Anywhere, here is our convo for the last few days. She is starting to bore me like hell x_X. All she says is Hi, or sup, or whats new.

[Vanmarsenille]

Originally Posted by faou4rm

The truth is, the friendship issue is prevalent in every relationship and in every girl that i will meet. I just happened to land the one with majority of guy friends.....

This is total bullshit that you are trying to convince yourself is actual truth.

[sasha1015]

Originally Posted by Greenkirby21

Well maybe I am overreacting, but I just feel like I'm putting more effort then she is. I do so much to try to spark it but she just kills the mood all the time recently.

Maybe she is afraid of marriage? Now that we have just graduated, everyone keeps asking us when we will get married and stuff (some of my friends are getting married as well). I spoke about it once with my GF, and she says we are way too young to get married and she doesn't want to get married until after medical school. Fine by me, I'm not in a rush.

She said she cares about me but its a very difficult time for her because she has so much pressure from her parents to get into medical school. Right now school is her highest priority and she can't mess up her life just to hang out and have fun. She claims things will go back to normal next month once she's taken the exam.

So, I guess I will see if what she says is true or not. I don't want to leave her in the time she needs me the most, and the last 3.5 years have been awesome and a lot of fun. But the last 6 months have been driving me crazy

Maybe she is afraid of her not going to her school of choice? UTSW is very close to both our houses, so that is her school of choice. But if she got accepted
anywhere else in Texas, or the nation, she told me she would not hesitate to leave. What would happen then to our relationship?

I don't like how she is single minded. To her its school or boyfriend. Why not both? I certainly did. My GPA was higher than hers and I never got into this sort of BS. Women


Anywhere, here is our convo for the last few days. She is starting to bore me like hell x_X. All she says is Hi, or sup, or whats new.

Its over... Either she has someone else or shes just really not interested in you
Shes out!

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by Vanmarsenille

This is total bullshit that you are trying to convince yourself is actual truth.

i know i know...
You caught me. ahh

[E39lolz]

OP, forgive me if this was already mentioned/maybe I missed it? Do her male friends have own gf's? Also you mentioned that one of them told you that your gf is hot and all, yet you fully trust her. I am a jelly (jealous) type and this wouldn't float the boat with me. Thankfully I'm married and my wife and I are best friends and not have to worry about these situations. She's the jelly type as well -_-

Hanging out with other females just to get even/make her jelly would be immature on your part and may spark even more fuel to the fire to her friend who told you she is hot.

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by Greenkirby21

Well maybe I am overreacting, but I just feel like I'm putting more effort then she is. I do so much to try to spark it but she just kills the mood all the time recently.

Maybe she is afraid of marriage? Now that we have just graduated, everyone keeps asking us when we will get married and stuff (some of my friends are getting married as well). I spoke about it once with my GF, and she says we are way too young to get married and she doesn't want to get married until after medical school. Fine by me, I'm not in a rush.

She said she cares about me but its a very difficult time for her because she has so much pressure from her parents to get into medical school. Right now school is her highest priority and she can't mess up her life just to hang out and have fun. She claims things will go back to normal next month once she's taken the exam.

So, I guess I will see if what she says is true or not. I don't want to leave her in the time she needs me the most, and the last 3.5 years have been awesome and a lot of fun. But the last 6 months have been driving me crazy

Maybe she is afraid of her not going to her school of choice? UTSW is very close to both our houses, so that is her school of choice. But if she got accepted
anywhere else in Texas, or the nation, she told me she would not hesitate to leave. What would happen then to our relationship?

I don't like how she is single minded. To her its school or boyfriend. Why not both? I certainly did. My GPA was higher than hers and I never got into this sort of BS. Women


Anywhere, here is our convo for the last few days. She is starting to bore me like hell x_X. All she says is Hi, or sup, or whats new.

sorry to hear what you've been going through.
If i were you i would just sit her down and have a "talk"
4 years is a long time so it shouldn't be too unusual to have these conversations with her
I personally like to give people benefit of the doubt and believe in them until they prove me otherwise

Having said that, maybe she's just trying to distance herself? Considering the fact that her future studies and career could potentially put you guys in a long distance relationship?
One of my friends is going to transfer to a university that is about 8 hours from where we live. From what i hear his girlfriend of 4 years has been distancing herself so that it wouldn't be too harsh once he leaves...

Let me know how everything goes. I honestly think you should get her to talk to you about what's REALLY going on (in person of course).
Goodluck man, and don't forget to keep me updated !

[E39lolz]

Originally Posted by Greenkirby21

My gf has been pissing me off recently. We've been dating almost 4 years now, both 22.

She basically needs to study for her mcat and so since Jan I haven't been able to see her really. If it is it's just me passing by her house or something. While I understand she is busy studying, it pisses me off she can't even take 5-10 mins each day to call me or something. Most times I call she doesn't answer or says she's studying

I'm working full time and doing masters, and barely get any rest as well, but at I at least make time for us :/. Even if it is just sending a good morning text

Just give her the space she needs as she isn't looking for your attention. It sucks, I've been there with a gf from the past and eventually she left me with someone from her class at college. When is her mcat? If she is still acting shady after the mcat, then sasha is correct, its done.

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by E39lolz

OP, forgive me if this was already mentioned/maybe I missed it? Do her male friends have own gf's? Also you mentioned that one of them told you that your gf is hot and all, yet you fully trust her. I am a jelly (jealous) type and this wouldn't float the boat with me. Thankfully I'm married and my wife and I are best friends and not have to worry about these situations. She's the jelly type as well -_-

Hanging out with other females just to get even/make her jelly would be immature on your part and may spark even more fuel to the fire to her friend who told you she is hot.

Thanks for asking!

I don't think i've mentioned about the relationship status of her 3 best friends yet
#1 best friend. Currently dating. I like him the most.

#2. He's the douche. He's been with this really oversized chick for about 7 years? Honestly he's with his gf for financial and emotional security than anything. As with my gf, i think he's just trying to stay content with the "best friend" title because he knows he doesn't have a chance with my gf even if she was single :x

#3. He's the biggest threat. He's actually the closet to my Gf and it was through him that my gf met the other two friends. They talk, text, and hangout the most out of the 3 (it's not as often as i make it sound though). He HAD a gf for about 4-5 years but just broke up less than a year ago.
mmmm....You know what..
Talking about this just made me realize that this guy actually makes me feel insecure. Honestly deep inside, i know that he's a much better and compatible fit with my gf than i am.
My gf and i are just so DIFFERENT
If i were to imagine a guy that would be almost a perfect fit for my gf, it'd definitely be him.
They both speak chinese (i can't), he's 6'1" (i'm 5'10" gf 5'8"), he's 28 (i'm 21, gf 26), he loves drinking/partying, loves traveling, etc..

I do trust my gf that she won't 'cheat' on me and don't really care about #1 or #2.. but maybe deep inside i'm js afraid that one day she'd realize how much of a better fit #3 is than i am.. AH !

Anyways, i've drifted from my main point. Even if i trusted all 4 of them including my gf, i still would NEVER like the idea that my gf is at some bar with the trio best guy friends, and just hanginout till like 2AM. I would have to stay up and wait for her to come back to my house (she doesn't like going to her house) when she smells like alcohol and cigs, and just knocks out right after..
I just don't know how to deal with these situations and i HATE the fact that i get bothered. I feel so stupid, childish, insecure, and immature and pray that i could give my gf more freedom but i just can't help the way i feel :/


Man i don't know. sorry about venting...
I never intended on going this deep into my relationship but don't know what came over me.. AGAIN ! lol
Anyways i have a midterm in 3 hours so ima go back to studying !!

Thanks for stopping by, and hope your relationships doing well !!

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by sasha1015

Its over... Either she has someone else or shes just really not interested in you
Shes out!

ouch
straight to the point..

Obviously he still cares a lot and wants to work things out..
So hey, you never know till he finally sits down and talks to her !

[E39lolz]

Sounds like #3 needs to take a extended vacation lol. IMHO he is a threat and no doubt he is interested in your gf. Have you spoken to her about #3 on how you feel uncomfortable being around him and the 2am bar escapades w/o you present? Also, has she been hanging out with #3 since day one between you and the gf? If you were hanging out with a girl that made your gf uncomfortable then she would be worried just like you are. Most likely you would stop hanging out with her just so you won't lose your gf. And the saying, 'gf's/bf's come and go but friendships last forever' is utter BS. As you get older, responsibilities grow too. Marriage, mortgage, children, stress, and work make it hard to keep hanging out with friends and going out 4 nights a week. I keep in touch with maybe 3 or 4 friends and hardly go out. My click is my wife, son and step daughter lol.

[JasonCSU]

Originally Posted by E39lolz

And the saying, 'gf's/bf's come and go but friendships last forever' is utter BS. As you get older, responsibilities grow too. Marriage, mortgage, children, stress, and work make it hard to keep hanging out with friends and going out 4 nights a week. I keep in touch with maybe 3 or 4 friends and hardly go out. My click is my wife, son and step daughter lol.

No, it is not BS. While responsibilities do change over time, it does not mean friendships have to go by the wayside. You are right that there will be less time for friends as responsibilities grow, and true friends will understand and respect that. Also when a marriage fails, who are those people going to turn to for support? Their friends.

[Dkhan23]

Originally Posted by Greenkirby21

My gf has been pissing me off recently. We've been dating almost 4 years now, both 22.

She basically needs to study for her mcat and so since Jan I haven't been able to see her really. If it is it's just me passing by her house or something. While I understand she is busy studying, it pisses me off she can't even take 5-10 mins each day to call me or something. Most times I call she doesn't answer or says she's studying

I'm working full time and doing masters, and barely get any rest as well, but at I at least make time for us :/. Even if it is just sending a good morning text

You should go over to her house and talk to her in person!!?

[JasonCSU]

Originally Posted by sasha1015

Its over... Either she has someone else or shes just really not interested in you
Shes out!

With her being 22, it's possible she really is just focused on school as she is probably concerned on how it will set her up on her future career path. At that age, I can certainly understand why this could be someone's priority over a long term relationship because there will still be plenty of time for meeting people and relationships later on.

[sasha1015]

Originally Posted by faou4rm

ouch
straight to the point..

Obviously he still cares a lot and wants to work things out..
So hey, you never know till he finally sits down and talks to her !

No... Its the honest truth..
I saw my girl friends do that all the time
"Ohhh i really need to study ill call u once im done with my exams" never calls once done instead goes out to parties.

I know how things work. Im in the medical field too and i know the MCATs are really hard (never got to that point though lmao... Chose an easier path) but yeah my exams were hard too and i made it work with my boyfriend.... It was hard but i definitely made time for him.
And thinking logically.... Studying 24/7 correct? Dont u take breaks to eat and pee and poop? If you REALLY have no time then i am sureeee u can call while eating dinner or right before or right after at least for couple of minutes.. Shes really not interested
I feel bad but its the honest truth. Once shes done with exams nothing will change. :/

[E39lolz]

Originally Posted by JasonCSU

No, it is not BS. While responsibilities do change over time, it does not mean friendships have to go by the wayside. You are right that there will be less time for friends as responsibilities grow, and true friends will understand and respect that. Also when a marriage fails, who are those people going to turn to for support? Their friends.

I probably should have been more clear on what I actually meant. I for myself have only 3 close friends who I can rely on for anything. Everyone else is just an acquaintance IMHO. True/close friends will understand less time spent as responsibilities change, however, friends/acquainatances who may cause friction in a relationship (#3 in OP's case) should be dropped. #3 is obviously trying to get in OP's gf's pants and I have seen similar situations. Long story short, my best friend is in the USMC, got married, went overseas 5 months later only to find out a fellow Marine was making moves on his wife and she cheated on him. Having to hear all this while he was getting his ass chewed by snipers, landminds, etc...was devastating for him. Thankfully he rebounded with a few scratches and is happily remarried. Back on topic, #3 has been single for about a year, yet he chooses to hang out with op's gf rather than trying to find a single girl for his own? Seems like he is waiting for the right opportunity.

OP, I would draw the line. You have a gf for about 4 years and this is eating you up.

EDIT: just re-read your last post and mentioned that they text alot. Swing for the fence and glance over those texts. Screw invasion of privacy/trust issues. If I had a feeling my wife was talking to some dude at work or whatever, I would be all over that phone like rubber on tires. If you see that she has deleted messages, then the writing is on the wall.

[Vanmarsenille]

Originally Posted by Greenkirby21

Well maybe I am overreacting, but I just feel like I'm putting more effort then she is. I do so much to try to spark it but she just kills the mood all the time recently.

Maybe she is afraid of marriage? Now that we have just graduated, everyone keeps asking us when we will get married and stuff (some of my friends are getting married as well). I spoke about it once with my GF, and she says we are way too young to get married and she doesn't want to get married until after medical school. Fine by me, I'm not in a rush.

She said she cares about me but its a very difficult time for her because she has so much pressure from her parents to get into medical school. Right now school is her highest priority and she can't mess up her life just to hang out and have fun. She claims things will go back to normal next month once she's taken the exam.

So, I guess I will see if what she says is true or not. I don't want to leave her in the time she needs me the most, and the last 3.5 years have been awesome and a lot of fun. But the last 6 months have been driving me crazy

Maybe she is afraid of her not going to her school of choice? UTSW is very close to both our houses, so that is her school of choice. But if she got accepte
anywhere else in Texas, or the nation, she told me she would not hesitate to leave. What would happen then to our relationship?

I don't like how she is single minded. To her its school or boyfriend. Why not both? I certainly did. My GPA was higher than hers and I never got into this sort of BS. Women

Anywhere, here is our convo for the last few days. She is starting to bore me like hell x_X. All she says is Hi, or sup, or whats new.

It's over.

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by JasonCSU

No, it is not BS. While responsibilities do change over time, it does not mean friendships have to go by the wayside. You are right that there will be less time for friends as responsibilities grow, and true friends will understand and respect that. Also when a marriage fails, who are those people going to turn to for support? Their friends.

Friends.... another one of life's cruelties. A children we go to schools based on geographic location. We meet other kids from similar geographic locations. We go to school with these kids sometimes for 12 straight years. We develop friendships with these kids not necessarily out of desire, but out of convenience. We spend so much time with them, we gravitate to similar personalities and with the TV drama culture we live in, kids believe that all the "life changing" events they experience together have bonded them for life.

Then we migrate hundreds or thousands of miles away from each other. Desperately looking for the old comfort of friendship, make new friends as soon as possible. Maybe your roommate, class mates, lab partner, etc.... Which means, you've met friends not only from different geographic locations, but with all different personalities which we have never experienced. What happens for many is that they themselves change upon experiencing different things and people from what they are used to.

Classes end and you head back home to meet up with your "friends". At first everyone is just so happy to be back in that comfortable circle of people. Then, as they continue going to school those breaks spent back home are less and less fulfilling as most of your friends and you start to change. By the end of college, you've got a new set of friends, maybe even a new BFF. All your old grade and high school friends have done the same and for most, visits with those old friends have turned into chance meetings at a restaurant or store. But it's cool, you see that they have new friends and realize you have new friends of your own and all is good.

Then you get a job, start a business, start your residency, etc... All of your new friends are doing the same. Again, you're introduced to a new group of people you spend most of your time with. This time you have no choice of who you are spending the bulk of your day with. You start to befriend some of the people at work. Maybe your cube mate, another Dr, a favorite employee, etc... Now on the weekends, if you're in the same city with some of your new college friends you can hang out. Everything seems cool, new stories but essentially the same people. Until you and your friends meet your significant other....who have their own set of friends....with significant others.

I'm sure you see where this is going. My point is that relationships take work, understanding, sacrifice and desire. That's ALL relationships, not just romantic ones. In fact, your friendships will take more work than most romantic relationships as you grow older. We may all have those couple of people from grade or high school who we can call after a few year absence and be thrilled to catch up, but day in and day out friendships require work. You have to give, you have to do what they want sometimes, even though you don't want to. You have to be there for them when it's inconvenient. And you have to balance these friendships between your marriage, work, personal time and for most, children.

It isn't easy. The main reason i'm posting this long winded lesson is because the earlier in life you realize this, the more rewarding friendships you'll be able to keep. Since i'm older than most on this board i'm hopeful that it will be beneficial to some of you. However, seeing that most of you are in your early 20s, I'm also going to assume you feel as you know everything and ignore this message.

Carry on.

[keepittrill]

A straight man and a straight woman CAN be best friends so long as one of the two is unattractive. However, they also cannot both be unattractive.

[pgviper]

Originally Posted by sasha1015

Its over... Either she has someone else or shes just really not interested in you
Shes out!

I would have to agree with you.

My gf is studying for mcat right now but we spend tons of time together. "I'm too busy because i'm studying" is a cop out excuse. I'm sorry man but I think it's time to start thinking about yourself.

[Sara]

Yes we can. Perfect example. Yodaime and I. Been friends going on 4 years now. We go to car meets together. Starbucks together all the time. Watch animal planet. Play video games. Go shopping. He has a gf I have a bf. We are best buddies. No attraction towards each other at all.

[jacobe92]

Maybe if she was a childhood friend. I don't think I could just be best friends w/ someone of the opposite sex w/ out being slightly attracted to her. Given the chance, I'll pounce her even if it meant ruining the friendship. I'm joking and I don't know.

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by jacobe92

Maybe if she was a childhood friend. I don't think I could just be best friends w/ someone of the opposite sex w/ out being slightly attracted to her. Given the chance, I'll pounce her even if it meant ruining the friendship. I'm joking and I don't know.

You joke, but this is true for most guys.