[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Sara504

Yes we can. Perfect example. Yodaime and I. Been friends going on 4 years now. We go to car meets together. Starbucks together all the time. Watch animal planet. Play video games. Go shopping. He has a gf I have a bf. We are best buddies. No attraction towards each other at all.

No, see, this is a perfect example of OP's scenario where his girl doesn't understand why he's a little jealous and mistrusting of her guy friends. Because she takes the view that she's not attracted to them, so why should he care - just like you apparently feel about this other guy.

But I'm willing to bet that there is at least a slight doubt in this guy's gf's mind about you and him, especially if you happen to be good looking. Just like there is a doubt in OP's mind about his girl.

I won't speak for this guy you are friends with, but I wouldn't be surprised at all if deep down he wouldn't mind at all if something were to happen between you two, and if he thought you were open to it, I think there's a great chance it would happen.

I'm not saying you're attracted to this guy, but that you are not understanding the guy's perspective here and how we think. And that is exactly OP's problem.

I don't really think that guys who are married and committed to their wives (or those who are in a committed dating relationship) should have close friends of the opposite sex - friends yes where its occasional and usually in a group, but not best friends where you are going out along together, I don't see it being healthy.

[keepittrill]

Translation; Your guy best friend would bang the shit out of you, if given the opportunity.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by keepittrill

Translation; Your guy best friend would bang the shit out of you, if given the opportunity.

Put succincently, yes. Precisely.

[954Stealth]

Originally Posted by jacobe92

Maybe if she was a childhood friend. I don't think I could just be best friends w/ someone of the opposite sex w/ out being slightly attracted to her. Given the chance, I'll pounce her even if it meant ruining the friendship. I'm joking and I don't know.

That's called "Going out with a bang"

[SAM135iAM]

Classic "Women are from Venus men are from Mars." This is a great thread topic OP. This argument has happened with all of us, both male or female. I've experienced it in several different relationships. I stopped reading at page three. It got a bit redundant and I knew where it's going. My view is simple, there will never be an understanding on common grounds between the two sex's on this matter. A man by nature is protective of his mate. No matter the situation, if another male is stepping on his ground there will be issues.

I told a girlfriend once who I was having this issue with that, "You being friends with a guy is not the problem. It's the guy being friends with you. Because sweet heart, no guy just want's to be your friend."

Of course, since she is a woman she argued that statement with, "But, I'm not attracted to him." and so began the marry go round that has been the past 6 pages of this thread and millions of peoples relationships around the world.

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by Sara504

Yes we can. Perfect example. Yodaime and I. Been friends going on 4 years now. We go to car meets together. Starbucks together all the time. Watch animal planet. Play video games. Go shopping. He has a gf I have a bf. We are best buddies. No attraction towards each other at all.

We're not saying it doesn't happen from time to time, but you will rarely find a boy and a girl being BFF for several years.

If your boy buddy and you spend so much time together, click so well, love each other's company and what not. Why do you think he wouldn't get with you if the opportunity was there? I mean all you have to be is hotter than his girlfriend or just be as hot but less of a bitch. With this, if you give him the green; he's in there, even if your with a guy. This holds true for 99.9% of men on the planet.

My wife has a few guy friends. She gets along better with guys because girls are catty. I don't bitch about it but i'm not pleased about this either. I just know that bitching about it only comes off as insecure and no woman likes that. However, about 8 years ago we did have this conversation about guys and girls being just friends. I told her that she's in total control and that if she gave any of her guy friends the opportunity to get with her they would. She didn't buy that logic, so i told her to ask them. She asked 6 of them. Two of them fibbed, one of them lied and the rest came clean. The fibbers said that they would have to believe she was genuinely into them and that they wouldn't do it for just sex. The liar said they respected her relationship with me too much to do that. The other 3, which ironically were the ones she was SURE would be honorable, flat out said yes. After she told me the results of this experiment, she just looked at me and called all of us pigs.

She still has guy friends but just doesn't share as much with them anymore.

Friendship can be on different levels though. One might say that my BFF is a girl. But i only see her once a week at work and outside of that i don't see her unless her and her husband do something with my wife and i. So we don't do all the hang out stuff, but when i need someone to talk to, someone that i can trust that isn't my wife, she's who i go to. And she does the same.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by Mr Tonka

We're not saying it doesn't happen from time to time, but you will rarely find a boy and a girl being BFF for several years.

If your boy buddy and you spend so much time together, click so well, love each other's company and what not. Why do you think he wouldn't get with you if the opportunity was there? I mean all you have to be is hotter than his girlfriend or just be as hot but less of a bitch. With this, if you give him the green; he's in there, even if your with a guy. This holds true for 99.9% of men on the planet.

My wife has a few guy friends. She gets along better with guys because girls are catty. I don't bitch about it but i'm not pleased about this either. I just know that bitching about it only comes off as insecure and no woman likes that. However, about 8 years ago we did have this conversation about guys and girls being just friends. I told her that she's in total control and that if she gave any of her guy friends the opportunity to get with her they would. She didn't buy that logic, so i told her to ask them. She asked 6 of them. Two of them fibbed, one of them lied and the rest came clean. The fibbers said that they would have to believe she was genuinely into them and that they wouldn't do it for just sex. The liar said they respected her relationship with me too much to do that. The other 3, which ironically were the ones she was SURE would be honorable, flat out said yes. After she told me the results of this experiment, she just looked at me and called all of us pigs.

She still has guy friends but just doesn't share as much with them anymore.

Friendship can be on different levels though. One might say that my BFF is a girl. But i only see her once a week at work and outside of that i don't see her unless her and her husband do something with my wife and i. So we don't do all the hang out stuff, but when i need someone to talk to, someone that i can trust that isn't my wife, she's who i go to. And she does the same.

Phuoc was my best buddy when I lived next door to him in Louisiana. We had such a great friendship. Why change it to a relationship? If it's not broken don't fix it.

Every single one of my ex's I no longer speak to. I would never want that to happen between Yodaime and myself. He means more to me than that.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by keepittrill

Translation; Your guy best friend would bang the shit out of you, if given the opportunity.

Mine wouldnt. We have gone out several times to shoot pool and I've come back home wasted more than once. He's carried me up the stairs to my room, took off my shoes, and put me in my bed and left. He's had the opportunity but respects our friendship.

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

No, see, this is a perfect example of OP's scenario where his girl doesn't understand why he's a little jealous and mistrusting of her guy friends. Because she takes the view that she's not attracted to them, so why should he care - just like you apparently feel about this other guy.

But I'm willing to bet that there is at least a slight doubt in this guy's gf's mind about you and him, especially if you happen to be good looking. Just like there is a doubt in OP's mind about his girl.

I won't speak for this guy you are friends with, but I wouldn't be surprised at all if deep down he wouldn't mind at all if something were to happen between you two, and if he thought you were open to it, I think there's a great chance it would happen.

I'm not saying you're attracted to this guy, but that you are not understanding the guy's perspective here and how we think. And that is exactly OP's problem.

I don't really think that guys who are married and committed to their wives (or those who are in a committed dating relationship) should have close friends of the opposite sex - friends yes where its occasional and usually in a group, but not best friends where you are going out along together, I don't see it being healthy.

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by SAM135iAM

Classic "Women are from Venus men are from Mars." This is a great thread topic OP. This argument has happened with all of us, both male or female. I've experienced it in several different relationships. I stopped reading at page three. It got a bit redundant and I knew where it's going. My view is simple, there will never be an understanding on common grounds between the two sex's on this matter. A man by nature is protective of his mate. No matter the situation, if another male is stepping on his ground there will be issues.

I told a girlfriend once who I was having this issue with that, "You being friends with a guy is not the problem. It's the guy being friends with you. Because sweet heart, no guy just want's to be your friend."

Of course, since she is a woman she argued that statement with, "But, I'm not attracted to him." and so began the marry go round that has been the past 6 pages of this thread and millions of peoples relationships around the world.

Thank you.

I love how so many people are willing to chip in on this

Thanks

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by Mr Tonka

We're not saying it doesn't happen from time to time, but you will rarely find a boy and a girl being BFF for several years.

If your boy buddy and you spend so much time together, click so well, love each other's company and what not. Why do you think he wouldn't get with you if the opportunity was there? I mean all you have to be is hotter than his girlfriend or just be as hot but less of a bitch. With this, if you give him the green; he's in there, even if your with a guy. This holds true for 99.9% of men on the planet.

My wife has a few guy friends. She gets along better with guys because girls are catty. I don't bitch about it but i'm not pleased about this either. I just know that bitching about it only comes off as insecure and no woman likes that. However, about 8 years ago we did have this conversation about guys and girls being just friends. I told her that she's in total control and that if she gave any of her guy friends the opportunity to get with her they would. She didn't buy that logic, so i told her to ask them. She asked 6 of them. Two of them fibbed, one of them lied and the rest came clean. The fibbers said that they would have to believe she was genuinely into them and that they wouldn't do it for just sex. The liar said they respected her relationship with me too much to do that. The other 3, which ironically were the ones she was SURE would be honorable, flat out said yes. After she told me the results of this experiment, she just looked at me and called all of us pigs.

She still has guy friends but just doesn't share as much with them anymore.

Friendship can be on different levels though. One might say that my BFF is a girl. But i only see her once a week at work and outside of that i don't see her unless her and her husband do something with my wife and i. So we don't do all the hang out stuff, but when i need someone to talk to, someone that i can trust that isn't my wife, she's who i go to. And she does the same.

wow that's genius
Why didn't i think of that..
Next time my gf and i get into a debate over this topic, i'll js make her ask her 'best friends' too

Thank you. hopefully her friends would come clean about it and help her understand why i get so uncomfortable at times !

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Sara504

Mine wouldnt. We have gone out several times to shoot pool and I've come back home wasted more than once. He's carried me up the stairs to my room, took off my shoes, and put me in my bed and left. He's had the opportunity but respects our friendship.

By opportunity, did you offer it up and he refused?

Or by opportunity do you just mean you were wasted so you wouldn't even know / remember what was going on...cause that's at best a gray zone, but more likely a zone that begins with R and ends with E and perhaps some jail time. And that's not really an opportunity at all, so there's no way he would / should have done anything.

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by Sara504

Mine wouldnt. We have gone out several times to shoot pool and I've come back home wasted more than once. He's carried me up the stairs to my room, took off my shoes, and put me in my bed and left. He's had the opportunity but respects our friendship.

As far as i'm concerned, i wouldn't consider that an opportunity. it'd be a rape..

I don't want to put doubts in your mind and make things weird with your friend, but i feel like a lot of guys in the 'best friends' situation try to remain content with the closeness in fear of making things awkward or even risk losing the friendship.

However, i still stand by my statement that 'given the REAL opportunity to get into the friends pants , 99.9% of the guys will take it'

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by Sara504

Phuoc was my best buddy when I lived next door to him in Louisiana. We had such a great friendship. Why change it to a relationship? If it's not broken don't fix it.

Every single one of my ex's I no longer speak to. I would never want that to happen between Yodaime and myself. He means more to me than that.

And he'll tell you the same thing...... until you tell him you want more.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by Mr Tonka

And he'll tell you the same thing...... until you tell him you want more.

He wouldnt. Im not his type. He likes quiet tiny asian girls. Im a loud obnoxious hispanic girl.

Yodaime!! Chime in son!

[Joekerr]

^
There is truth in silence.


And I noticed you didn't answer my post above, because I think you agree there wasn't really an opportunity (assuming no offer on your end) because that would be rape. And so there really has not been any opportunity for him - would I be correct?

[Sara]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

^
There is truth in silence.


And I noticed you didn't answer my post above, because I think you agree there wasn't really an opportunity (assuming no offer on your end) because that would be rape. And so there really has not been any opportunity for him - would I be correct?

Ive fallen asleep at his house a couple times. Nothing happened. No snuggling, no cuddling. Slept just like cousins would (thats the best way I can describe it)

[keepittrill]

Originally Posted by Sara504

Ive fallen asleep at his house a couple times. Nothing happened. No snuggling, no cuddling. Slept just like cousins would (thats the best way I can describe it)

Well, he's not gunna rape you...

[Sara]

Originally Posted by keepittrill

Well, he's not gunna rape you...

Cuddling isnt raping.

[Joekerr]

But I think you have to acknowledge that just sleeping at his house is not by itself an opportunity - realistically, wouldn't you agree?

I mean, its not like you expressed any interest in progressing things, initiated any contact right? So if he were to do so, it would be at the peril of the friendship.

But on the other hand, if you had given him indications that you were interested, and he did nothing, then that would admittedly be a different story. But I sort of doubt that happened.

Really what I'm trying to drive at here, is there really hasn't been any opportunity, because you haven't given him any indications that it would be reciprocated.

Would that be a fair point?

Because if so, you can't really suggest you know what is going through his mind or that he would never act if given the opportunity, which is really what OP is trying to articulate I think - its that nagging concern, the what if.

[keepittrill]

Originally Posted by Sara504

Cuddling isnt raping.

Thanks, I was totally unaware of that?

[Sara]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

But I think you have to acknowledge that just sleeping at his house is not by itself an opportunity - realistically, wouldn't you agree?

I mean, its not like you expressed any interest in progressing things, initiated any contact right? So if he were to do so, it would be at the peril of the friendship.

But on the other hand, if you had given him indications that you were interested, and he did nothing, then that would admittedly be a different story. But I sort of doubt that happened.

Really what I'm trying to drive at here, is there really hasn't been any opportunity, because you haven't given him any indications that it would be reciprocated.

Would that be a fair point?

Because if so, you can't really suggest you know what is going through his mind or that he would never act if given the opportunity, which is really what OP is trying to articulate I think - its that nagging concern, the what if.

I used to go on vacation once a month sometimes once every 3weeks for about almost a year straight. Does it count if every time he brought me to the airport I kissed him on the cheek, hugged him and he grabbed my ass while saying goodbye. I still think guys and girls can solely just be friends and keep it at that. And yes I fondle all of my female friends and they grab me right back, no we arent lesbians its just what we do.