[carve]

Originally Posted by bimmette

Carve, I like that you're asking these questions and I agree with many of your beliefs about people giving in to societal norms. I do hope, however, that your girlfriend is truly on the same page as you.

We're on more or less the same page with kids and have discussed it for a long time (read the first post of the "Why do people WANT to have kids" thread), but haven't really discussed this as I've only been thinking about this for about a week. I'll have to mentally chew on it for a while, but if she brings it up before hand I'll say my thoughts. She is the one who told ME that she doesn't think I'm that interested in marriage though. Very observant.

We take things slow and enjoy things the way they are. We even still have our own houses we own, about 15 minutes apart even though we spend every night together.

She is pushing HARD for a dog though!

[JasonCSU]

Originally Posted by carve

She is pushing HARD for a dog though!

That is the first step. All of my currently married friends got a dog with their significant other before they were married.

[grimlock]

Originally Posted by JasonCSU

That is the first step. All of my currently married friends got a dog with their significant other before they were married.

and usually that's enough to do the relationship in..

[UncleWede]

If you get a dog, you have to have a kid for the dog to play with

SUCKER!!!!!

[Sephiroth]

Originally Posted by carve

I had to do more of most of that crap than ever when I was married. Marriage reduces incentive to do those things. Except looking for strange. I actually enjoy that, but don't do it anymore because I prefer being with my girlfriend. Marriage means women have LESS incentive to do any of that stuff than before, because you're legally locked in. It's not like if she doesn't do that, you can get divorced and sue her for maid, chef and prostitute service. If you could, then they'd be highly incentivized. What'cha gonna do? Conversely, if SHE want's the divorce, she can still sue you to perform your husbandly provider duties with nothing in return, and usually WINS. This is why marriage is a raw deal for men. There is zero punishment for women not doing their part, and zero protection for men if they get bored, but huge punishment for men and protection for women.

Nope, this is NOT true. For some people, sounds like not in your case, with time you and your spouse will do even MORE because you want to. Its a bond that gets stronger and fuels or 'incentivizes' as you like to put it.

I think your state of mind is just stuck on 'legal contract' and 'whats in it for me' where you may not be able to conceive such a possibility for yourself.

[black335i]

Cuz they're suckas lol

[carve]

Holy crap- this is the best video I've seen on this subject (don't mind the title- porn is about 20 seconds of the conversation). The first five minutes get the idea across sufficiently.

[carve]

Originally Posted by 1love

Nope, this is NOT true. For some people, sounds like not in your case, with time you and your spouse will do even MORE because you want to. Its a bond that gets stronger and fuels or 'incentivizes' as you like to put it.

I think your state of mind is just stuck on 'legal contract' and 'whats in it for me' where you may not be able to conceive such a possibility for yourself.

How does signing a legal contract with the state that says if she ever wants to leave for any reason, she gets half the stuff, the kids, and probably your future income, incentivize her to try harder in the relationship? You say "no- not true". Why? What about signing the papers makes that so? If you don't have to ask "what's in it for me", I can draw up a similar contract between you, 1love, and me, Carve, tomorrow (not marriage- just a different contract with identical terms). What's the difference, other than something in it for you? Not a hypothetical: if you don't reply, I'll take it as you don't have an answer because you haven't thought about it, if you do reply, you'll have to say the difference, and it has to be something to your advantage, otherwise you'd sign a similar contract with ANYONE if you don't care about the benefits and consequences, including me- what's the difference? I appreciate your traditional view of marriage, but that's not what you actually signed up for, legally.

The "Legal contract" is what marriage IS now. You can have an amazing bond with or without it, but how does handing all the power over increase it? It's contrary to all of human nature, unless she also hasn't thought about what she has done in the modern context. I'd have no problem with having the ceremony with no contract...or even a different contract that was mutually beneficial.

[Dosturbos]

Originally Posted by carve

I've no doubt you love her and you don't have to explain it to me. I'm not bitching or saying your life is miserable; you're reading that in yourself. I'm just wondering what the advantage of signing a contract was. What's in it for you to get the state involved. That's the question for anyone who cares to chime in. If you don't feel like answering there's no need to insult me for asking

This topic is about two hours old. Questioning things that are typically taken for granted always makes for an interesting thread because people don't realize how much they take for granted. This thread is on fire!

Not to beat a dead horse, but I have pretty much the opposite scenario of most folks on here.
I am married.
My wife does not want kids.
I don't want kids.
She makes more money than I do.
She would gain nothing financially by getting a divorce.
In fact we have separate finances entirely.
We share our mortgage equally as well as other bills.
Relationships are work.
A marriage is a legally binding relationship.
If you don't put the work in, the relationship/marriage fails.
Case and point the OP, sounds like his ex gave up and he got fucked for it.
If you don't want to get married again, then don't.
You shouldn't.
Society puts a ton of pressure on men and especially women to get married.
There is a whole bullshit industry built on weddings. It's expensive and disgusting.
If you enjoyed your 50K wedding or whatever you spent on it, I am not trying to offend thee, I am just saying that's a lot of money to spend on one giant party.
I got married in a donut shop in portland, OR for $300.
I spent my money on other useless, superficial shit, like a house and numerous tuner cars.
Anyway, you need to live your life by your intuition and experience.
You know deep down when something is right and when it's not.
I hope the OP finds happiness in his new lady, or whatever lady he's with. He shouldn't need validation from others on this forum.
Do you man, and don't take any guff from strangers.

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by Dosturbos

Not to beat a dead horse, but I have pretty much the opposite scenario of most folks on here.
I am married.
My wife does not want kids.
I don't want kids.
She makes more money than I do.
She would gain nothing financially by getting a divorce.
In fact we have separate finances entirely.
We share our mortgage equally as well as other bills.
Relationships are work.
A marriage is a legally binding relationship.
If you don't put the work in, the relationship/marriage fails.
Case and point the OP, sounds like his ex gave up and he got fucked for it.
If you don't want to get married again, then don't.
You shouldn't.
Society puts a ton of pressure on men and especially women to get married.
There is a whole bullshit industry built on weddings. It's expensive and disgusting.
If you enjoyed your 50K wedding or whatever you spent on it, I am not trying to offend thee, I am just saying that's a lot of money to spend on one giant party.
I got married in a donut shop in portland, OR for $300.
I spent my money on other useless, superficial shit, like a house and numerous tuner cars.
Anyway, you need to live your life by your intuition and experience.
You know deep down when something is right and when it's not.
I hope the OP finds happiness in his new lady, or whatever lady he's with. He shouldn't need validation from others on this forum.
Do you man, and don't take any guff from strangers.

Sounds like my life.

[BMW F22]

I work with people that are older than me and most of them are married. The men that are in my group always talk about how crappy their lives are after marriage. That kind of talk is making me think twice about ever getting married. Of course it is what you make of it and put into it but still, it's a bit scary.

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by BMW F22

I work with people that are older than me and most of them are married. The men that are in my group always talk about how crappy their lives are after marriage. That kind of talk is making me think twice about ever getting married. Of course it is what you make of it and put into it but still, it's a bit scary.

After marriage or after kids?

I don't know why this is such a big deal. Talk to the women you date. Find out who they really are and what they really want. Most women are cunt whores, but good ones are still out there to be snatched up.

I one on the other side of the spectrum. I'm really happy i'm married. When my wife goes out of town for a week or so for work, i'm stoked for about 1 evening. Then it just sucks. And i like being alone.

[Dosturbos]

If you have to question why or who you're marriage is with, then don't do it.

Tonka aint life grand?

I fucking love not having kids.

I get to travel and get fucked up when I want to, yes!

I have a bulldog, it's kind of like having a two year old in some ways.

I like being selfish and I'm not afraid to admit it.

My wife shares the same view.

It works.

[BMW F22]

Originally Posted by Mr Tonka

After marriage or after kids?

I don't know why this is such a big deal. Talk to the women you date. Find out who they really are and what they really want. Most women are cunt whores, but good ones are still out there to be snatched up.

I one on the other side of the spectrum. I'm really happy i'm married. When my wife goes out of town for a week or so for work, i'm stoked for about 1 evening. Then it just sucks. And i like being alone.

Well they have kids too so maybe after kids? One guy was saying how sometimes his wife doesn't put out and stuff. It's funny because he tells it like it is but also is a bit sad.

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by Dosturbos

If you have to question why or who you're marriage is with, then don't do it.

Tonka aint life grand?

I fucking love not having kids.

I get to travel and get fucked up when I want to, yes!

I have a bulldog, it's kind of like having a two year old in some ways.

I like being selfish and I'm not afraid to admit it.

My wife shares the same view.

It works.

Funny, we have a bulldog as well. But yea life is grand. However, don't give into the people who label you as selfish. Well, i'm not sure about you guys, but for us it's not a conscious choice. We didn't make a list of pros and cons and then made a decision. It's as simple as neither one of us having a desire to have a child. That insane desire women have to have kids... my wife doesn't have it, and neither do i. Guessing that you're probably the same.

Originally Posted by BMW F22

Well they have kids too so maybe after kids? One guy was saying how sometimes his wife doesn't put out and stuff. It's funny because he tells it like it is but also is a bit sad.

It is sad, so many women get caught up in living for their kids they forget their commitment to their spouse and their spouses needs.

[Dosturbos]

Originally Posted by Mr Tonka

Funny, we have a bulldog as well. But yea life is grand. However, don't give into the people who label you as selfish. Well, i'm not sure about you guys, but for us it's not a conscious choice. We didn't make a list of pros and cons and then made a decision. It's as simple as neither one of us having a desire to have a child. That insane desire women have to have kids... my wife doesn't have it, and neither do i. Guessing that you're probably the same.


It is sad, so many women get caught up in living for their kids they forget their commitment to their spouse and their spouses needs.

Both of us have never had the desire to have kids, we like our life and our freedom. I don't feel bad about being selfish, nor do I give a shit about societal norms in general. At least I know that about myself, I like independence and life on my terms.
I just don't want to have the added burden of a child and I truly believe there are way too many humans on the planet and we don't need any more of them.
Modern living is hard enough just to keep up, I can't imagine how exhausting adding a child into the mix would be.

[V1.47fan]

Blacks and Whites have the highest divorce rates, also more likely to cheat...

[UncleWede]

Who the F is cheating after being married 50 years???

[John 070]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

Who the F is cheating after being married 50 years???

Who was that guy who used to owned the Clippers?

[UncleWede]

Even he wasn't married for 50 years before he cheated.

Not age , years married is in the graph.

[carve]

Originally Posted by BMW F22

One guy was saying how sometimes his wife doesn't put out and stuff. It's funny because he tells it like it is but also is a bit sad.

In legal marriage, women have all the power. They can leave at any time for any reason and take half your stuff, and perhaps make you into an indentured servant. When men realize this, they become placating beta pussies (and most of them already were, so things just get worse). This absolutely kills a woman's attraction for you, so they stop putting out. What's in it for them other than fucking some guy they're not attracted to. There's nothing you can do about it at that point, so tough. He made this happen.

No- this doesn't always happen; just most of the time.

[UncleWede]

Once or twice in my 15 year relationship my wife wanted it and I rolled over and went to sleep. It not just about me "putting out" whenever she wants it.

Once or twice . . .