[Repoman]

So I was wondering; Who here got a prenup and then actually had to use it? What were your lessons learned?

I heard of prenups getting contested then subsequently nullified.

[ddk632]

Best prenup = don't get married.

Do not share finances or joint accounts with a significant other, and better yet don't cohabitate especially in states where common law marriage exists.

There is no good reason to get married and if you're already thinking prenup, you know it's not "forever and ever" so why put yourself into a situation where you might have to lose half of everything you work for (or more!) and if the marriage lasts long enough and you're in the wrong state, you could be paying alimony for a long time if you're the higher income earner.

Just not worth it.

On topic, I've heard of prenups being thrown out, wife claiming she signed under duress, etc. My understanding is that it should be signed prior to engagement, with attorney review by both parties so she cannot claim later that she didn't know what she was doing, signed under duress, or whatever.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by ddk632

Best prenup = don't get married.

Do not share finances or joint accounts with a significant other, and better yet don't cohabitate especially in states where common law marriage exists.

There is no good reason to get married and if you're already thinking prenup, you know it's not "forever and ever" so why put yourself into a situation where you might have to lose half of everything you work for (or more!) and if the marriage lasts long enough and you're in the wrong state, you could be paying alimony for a long time if you're the higher income earner.

Just not worth it.

On topic, I've heard of prenups being thrown out, wife claiming she signed under duress, etc. My understanding is that it should be signed prior to engagement, with attorney review by both parties so she cannot claim later that she didn't know what she was doing, signed under duress, or whatever.

Wow...bitter aren't we? Ok, so if there's no reason that you can see that you should commit to a woman and you want the ability to leave at any time, can you see any reason a woman would want to put up with you and your demands?

I think you are going to be single for a very long time.

[Billup]

Why can't you commit to a woman without signing your life away? What does that validate? It's not like you love the person you are with any more after getting married.

Marriage is for suckers, if you think you need a Prenup, well, there's an even different word for those folks.

[ddk632]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Wow...bitter aren't we? Ok, so if there's no reason that you can see that you should commit to a woman and you want the ability to leave at any time, can you see any reason a woman would want to put up with you and your demands?

I think you are going to be single for a very long time.

Bitter? Sure. Realistic, though.

And yes, as soon as my divorce is over, I most certainly do plan to be single for a very long time. That is a good thing in my book.

Not sure what demands you are referring to - not cohabitating? Not sharing finances? That is too much to ask for? Seriously? Wow. Set the bar a little higher man.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by ddk632

Bitter? Sure. Realistic, though.

And yes, as soon as my divorce is over, I most certainly do plan to be single for a very long time. That is a good thing in my book.

Not sure what demands you are referring to - not cohabitating? Not sharing finances? That is too much to ask for? Seriously? Wow. Set the bar a little higher man.

No, not co-habituating / sharing finances, I think you've made it clear that you're not interested in that.

Rather, what I was referring to is the day to day (and sometimes not day to day) demands. Day to day demands could be as trivial as you come home and she's the one making dinner the majority of the time (I presume this hypothetical woman that wants to be with you will also want to work so that she can support herself once you get tired of her), or always cleaning the house, paying the bills / mail - in general, looking after some of your day to day needs.

The non-day to day things could be having children - would that be your expectation? If you already have children from your current marriage, it could be looking after them - why bother if you are wanting to make sure you can cut and run anytime?

That's what I mean by demands...

[ddk632]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

No, not co-habituating / sharing finances, I think you've made it clear that you're not interested in that.

Ok cool. Glad we're on the same page on that one.

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Rather, what I was referring to is the day to day (and sometimes not day to day) demands. Day to day demands could be as trivial as you come home and she's the one making dinner the majority of the time (I presume this hypothetical woman that wants to be with you will also want to work so that she can support herself once you get tired of her), or always cleaning the house, paying the bills / mail - in general, looking after some of your day to day needs.

Well those might be your day-to-day demands but certainly not mine. I can cook for myself and my kids and I do this every day. Don't need a woman to cook. Or to clean. In fact, I don't *need* one at all. Companionship and helping each other and all those things, sure those are great benefits of a good, healthy relationship. And all can be had without marriage, and yet still with commitment from both sides.

And the notion of supporting a housewife/woman who doesn't work and takes care of the house is from the 1950's. It's 2014 and things are a bit different.

I think a woman should work and have a career for the same reasons a man should. For fulfillment, achievement, and personal growth, and self-respect. People go crazy staying at home for years not working. Men or women. I do not subscribe to these antiquated ideas you are pushing here.

Originally Posted by Joekerr

The non-day to day things could be having children - would that be your expectation? If you already have children from your current marriage, it could be looking after them - why bother if you are wanting to make sure you can cut and run anytime?

That's what I mean by demands...

I already have children; and if I did not, I would certainly not "expect" a woman to have children. That's a decision two people make together and plan out (well, most of the time); both people should be on same page, ideally.

Dude whatever you're smoking, I'd love to try some of it.

You are stuck in 1950's mentality and if your idea of marriage is finding a lonely housewife to cook, clean, and take care of your kids while you are out working.... I have a bridge to sell you. She will cook and clean alright. She will cook your balls and clean out your bank account after she files divorce on your ass, and you will support her for a long time. And she'll get the kids because by your suggestions you'd be out working instead of being an involved dad.

I have my kids nearly 50% of the time, have been involved with them from day 1 or even before then (going to ultrasounds, etc.), and spend more quality time with my kids than most married people do with theirs. I don't need a woman to help me with anything. I might be bitter from my divorce but I am not a sexist chauvinist who thinks women belong in the kitchen or taking care of the house or the kids.

Women deserve to have a life and a career and in a two income household with flex schedules there is no reason two working spouses (or, if unmarried, then partners) can spend lots of quality time with the kiddos, share in the home duties or hire a cleaner, and generally be equals.

I still stand by my statement, that for someone considering a prenup, it is a good idea to review their motivations for marriage, the realities of divorce, and consider that perhaps not getting married in the first place might be a better idea.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by ddk632

Ok cool. Glad we're on the same page on that one.



Well those might be your day-to-day demands but certainly not mine. I can cook for myself and my kids and I do this every day. Don't need a woman to cook. Or to clean. In fact, I don't *need* one at all. Companionship and helping each other and all those things, sure those are great benefits of a good, healthy relationship. And all can be had without marriage, and yet still with commitment from both sides.

And the notion of supporting a housewife/woman who doesn't work and takes care of the house is from the 1950's. It's 2014 and things are a bit different.

I think a woman should work and have a career for the same reasons a man should. For fulfillment, achievement, and personal growth, and self-respect. People go crazy staying at home for years not working. Men or women. I do not subscribe to these antiquated ideas you are pushing here.



I already have children; and if I did not, I would certainly not "expect" a woman to have children. That's a decision two people make together and plan out (well, most of the time); both people should be on same page, ideally.

Dude whatever you're smoking, I'd love to try some of it.

You are stuck in 1950's mentality and if your idea of marriage is finding a lonely housewife to cook, clean, and take care of your kids while you are out working.... I have a bridge to sell you. She will cook and clean alright. She will cook your balls and clean out your bank account after she files divorce on your ass, and you will support her for a long time. And she'll get the kids because by your suggestions you'd be out working instead of being an involved dad.

I have my kids nearly 50% of the time, have been involved with them from day 1 or even before then (going to ultrasounds, etc.), and spend more quality time with my kids than most married people do with theirs. I don't need a woman to help me with anything. I might be bitter from my divorce but I am not a sexist chauvinist who thinks women belong in the kitchen or taking care of the house or the kids.

Women deserve to have a life and a career and in a two income household with flex schedules there is no reason two working spouses (or, if unmarried, then partners) can spend lots of quality time with the kiddos, share in the home duties or hire a cleaner, and generally be equals.

I still stand by my statement, that for someone considering a prenup, it is a good idea to review their motivations for marriage, the realities of divorce, and consider that perhaps not getting married in the first place might be a better idea.

First - I'm not trying to push the 1950's ideas back into the mainstream - for reference, my wife works and I'm happy she does. I also know women who choose to be a housewife and they also are happy. To each their own, but I'm not pushing the idea that all women should only work in the kitchen.

Rather, I'm saying that (and perhaps I'm simply very lucky - I actually know I am), my wife does a lot of little tasks around the house to make it a home, in spite of sometimes working 24+ hour shifts and otherwise working normal hours. And I don't. Or maybe that makes me a chauvinistic pig because I'm happy I don't have to deal with the bills / mail, cooking, etc. I'll of course help with chores - whatever she asks, I'll do - its not my expectation that she does everything.

But there are a lot of things that she takes on, probably without my knowledge. My guess is she'd ask herself why she is doing this if there isn't that commitment and the other's main concern in life is how can I best protect myself?

Also, I don't necessarily disagree with your statement that if you are considering a pre-nup then maybe you should reconsider whether you should get married. But that's not how I read your sentence - rather, you said "There is no good reason to get married..." and then went in to explain also that if you are getting a prenup, why get married in this case.

I'm arguing that getting married is (or at least can be - to the right woman) a wonderful thing.

[Boben5]

First off guys you've missed something, every state before you even get married has laws about division of property and alimony blah blah, so basically every marriage should have a pre-nup. Why?? Because you already have a prenup even if you don't have one. The state has it already in place for you so a custom write-up or prenup will alter those specifics. So you best get one or potentially you could have to pay alimony for life to an ex thats doing someone else on your dime and the judge can say any amount. Even Dr. Laura says to get one. lol

[M5Rlz]

mOve money overseas or convert to cash prior to her understanding the finances lol.


Girl I'm getting engaged to is VERY RELIGIOUS and I got roped into having one as being noncommittal, even with accountants and attorneys of mine advising to NOT do it... Honestly I'll empty accounts before a judge can freeze it, and burn it in the front lawn before I give it away should that ever happen.

I think I just need to pick my spot to talk about it, offer up you'll be taken care of but you don't need half of say an IRA I set up when I was 20 lmao.

[2011CrazE89]

What if she had a healthy net worth and you're worth nothing. Would you still be ok with a prenup?

[Lups]

I wouldn't marry anyone I'd need one with, I don't need paperwork in my life, so if I were to get divorced and had to start all over again with a new spouse, if it wasn't for life in both of our views, I think the best way for him to save his money would be just leaving that bit undone.

Now, if I would get divorced, I'd be the one bleeding financially. I still consider my decision not to have one the right one. We got married to set up the mortgages and to give the kids a family name without paperwork (in my country there are officers that actually at this day and age have to ask the parents "are you sure the kid is yours, and they can actually put the parents that are not married through DNA testing if they want to) since my husband, then boyfriend started to get nightmares of me shredding anyone who would have the balls for suggesting any other option to me.

[M5Rlz]

Originally Posted by 2011CrazE89

What if she had a healthy net worth and you're worth nothing. Would you still be ok with a prenup?

Personally yea... Each individual is different.

Typically at least in my state no matter who it is, man or women, if you've got more or especially significantly more you're getting fcked.

[Nkc]

OT going OT again.

[Billup]

Originally Posted by Nkc

OT going OT again.

Good thing this section isn't called the "On Topic" section.

[Joekerr]

I think Off topic is such a popular subforum because we all have baseline ADD. And this is our outlet.

[Devant]

Just hide your assets before you get married

Pre-nup you're going to spend legal fees drafting it and then if you contest it or try to enforce it, more time and legal fees.
Prevention is always better

[954Stealth]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

I think Off topic is such a popular subforum because we all have baseline ADD. And this is our outlet.

you just reminded me that I need to stop by Home Depot and get an outlet cover

[Maestro]

Originally Posted by ddk632

Best prenup = don't get married.

Do not share finances or joint accounts with a significant other, and better yet don't cohabitate especially in states where common law marriage exists.

There is no good reason to get married and if you're already thinking prenup, you know it's not "forever and ever" so why put yourself into a situation where you might have to lose half of everything you work for (or more!) and if the marriage lasts long enough and you're in the wrong state, you could be paying alimony for a long time if you're the higher income earner.

Just not worth it.

On topic, I've heard of prenups being thrown out, wife claiming she signed under duress, etc. My understanding is that it should be signed prior to engagement, with attorney review by both parties so she cannot claim later that she didn't know what she was doing, signed under duress, or whatever.

That is the issue, if the wife does not have her own lawyer when it is done and the courts see it as one sided it will get tossed and state laws take over and depending on the state you could be far worse off.

Most good Prenup usually have a payout to have the wife go away, not she get what she came with and you get what you came with. Usually you have to pay something to make it go away.

[Maestro]

Originally Posted by benbo5

First off guys you've missed something, every state before you even get married has laws about division of property and alimony blah blah, so basically every marriage should have a pre-nup. Why?? Because you already have a prenup even if you don't have one. The state has it already in place for you so a custom write-up or prenup will alter those specifics. So you best get one or potentially you could have to pay alimony for life to an ex thats doing someone else on your dime and the judge can say any amount. Even Dr. Laura says to get one. lol

Yes this is true, you do not want to married in a state with very little laws on divorce only to move to a state like CA with nasty in the women favor laws. In Calif even if you own the house prior to marriage and the wife tossed you out and changes the lock you can never remove her from the house and never force her to sell after the divorce. Calif will never toss a woman out of a house, especially if kids are involved.

This happen to a guy I knew when I live in Calif owned the house, live with the woman for a long will (Common Law Wife) she tossed him from house and change the locks, he lost the house in the deal. Did it a second time, but this time when the live in got upset with him he tossed her out and change the locks and he got to keep the house.

[kevinbahnz]

Originally Posted by 954Stealth

you just reminded me that I need to stop by Home Depot and get an outlet cover

LOLZ

[dj_dub]

If you feel like you need a prenup with the person you're about to marry, then maybe she's not the right person for you after all. I understand both parties need to protect their assets etc, but like I always say: Whenever there is any doubt, there is no doubt.