I hate my car.

Broncho · 09-09-2018, 06:51 AM

Audi piece of wank.

What a fetid stinking heap of horse dung this piece of shit really is.

First of all the gearbox is cack, it is the slowest responding pile of excretion I have ever driven, pull up to a busy roundabout, see a gap put your foot down and nothing so abandon the manoeuvre. It feels like the throttle and engine are connected by a rubber band.

Stuff works sometimes, the button on the steering wheel works say 7 times out of 10, I have it configured to drive select so I don't have to reach to the passenger side to change drive modes mainly because it's in a fucking stupid place anyway, I mean why would it work properly when fuck all else does?

Plug my phone in and depending on the mood of the heap of shat sometimes Apple car play will work and sometimes it won't, when it works sometimes it just decides it will switch itself off, just depends how it feels.

Sat nav, google earth, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't, just fucking makes its own mind up. The voice in the car was set to some sexy woman, this week it's decided it's going to speak to me in a male voice not unlike Julian Clary.

Put the car in dynamic and the gearbox goes to its default setting of sport, as it should, however leave it in dynamic turn the shit heap off and on and it stays in dynamic but the gearbox reverts to drive, just why?

Piano black trim, it 8 months old and looks a squirrel had sharpened its teeth on it.

Many other gripes but I'd be here all day.

Plus points it's a bit quicker than I was expecting, it's economical, it looks ok and the interior is nice but overall it's dog poo.

I'm going to buy something else and give this to the Mrs as she couldn't care less.

Never again.

Andy440 · 09-09-2018, 07:10 AM

Sorry to hear it hasn’t worked out.

Clearly another Audi sent on the shopping list .... what is ?

MashinBenzin · 09-09-2018, 07:11 AM

Honestly, I think we could have all told you that before you bought it

google maps behind the steering wheel and 'knocks F30 into the 19th century' dashboard for the win though.

In all seriousness, sorry to hear that you hate it. Very frustrating to be caught with a crap car. I narrowly dodged the A4 bullet in 2009, but a test drive fortunately showed up the concrete boots drive.

It's why it takes me an age to prevaricate over the next car - but I enjoy the chase as much as the taking ownership!

Hooded · 09-09-2018, 07:23 AM

To be fair quite a few BMW owners seem to have a similar complaint with the auto box and the throttle and engine being connected by a rubber band feeling sometimes.

isleaiw1 · 09-09-2018, 08:19 AM

Interestingly my Audi hasn’t had any real faults in 12 months and 13.5k miles. Occasionally it tells me there is a fault with the electronic parking brake - which might be because I never use it...

8 speed ZF does its stuff, perhaps not as quick as in BMW programme but good enough. DSG never really lived up to its initial hype I am afraid.

Alice Coupe · 09-09-2018, 08:34 AM

What the f*** is that number plate all about.
May be performance of the car is karma for that atrocity.

XK140 · 09-09-2018, 08:57 AM

Had a Q3 loan car last week,only the 1.4 petrol with 6 speed auto but it had a quite sharp take off and went fairly well for what it was.

Would make a nice family car for the non sporty type,but boot too small and overpriced at beyond £30k.

Anyway,have you conveyed your dissatisfaction to the appropriate Audi forum?

Watsey · 09-09-2018, 08:59 AM

I've driven a few VAG DSG 'boxes and they've all been dreadful. Give me a traditional torque converter 'box any day.

Broncho · 09-09-2018, 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by XK140

Had a Q3 loan car last week,only the 1.4 petrol with 6 speed auto but it had a quite sharp take off and went fairly well for what it was.

Would make a nice family car for the non sporty type,but boot too small and overpriced at beyond £30k.

Anyway,have you conveyed your dissatisfaction to the appropriate Audi forum?

Many times, causes a right ruck

Roo12 · 09-09-2018, 09:36 AM

What model A4 is it

Ss66 · 09-09-2018, 09:39 AM

Looking at that pic, looks like you've come to the end of the road lol.

Broncho · 09-09-2018, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Roo12

What model A4 is it

2.0 TFSI Black Edition.

JustChris · 09-09-2018, 10:00 AM

I'm both sorry and delighted to see this.

Sorry as in it's not worked out...but always glad to see folks coming back to the beemer.

It's really that bad?

Can I go shopping with you for the new car at BMW

MashinBenzin · 09-09-2018, 10:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustChris

I'm both sorry and delighted to see this.

Sorry as in it's not worked out...but always glad to see folks coming back to the beemer.

It's really that bad?

Can I go shopping with you for the new car at BMW

You'll end up buying another one, Chris

Broncho · 09-09-2018, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustChris

I'm both sorry and delighted to see this.

Sorry as in it's not worked out...but always glad to see folks coming back to the beemer.

It's really that bad?

Can I go shopping with you for the new car at BMW

It just frustrates me, I do prefer the BMW but fancied a change, I’m waiting to see what the new 3 is like but actually might need to go a bit bigger.

JustChris · 09-09-2018, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Broncho

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustChris

I'm both sorry and delighted to see this.

Sorry as in it's not worked out...but always glad to see folks coming back to the beemer.

It's really that bad?

Can I go shopping with you for the new car at BMW

It just frustrates me, I do prefer the BMW but fancied a change, I’m waiting to see what the new 3 is like but actually might need to go a bit bigger.

540i xdrive is a corker. Get it onboard the go to town with ACS exhaust and power kit

vadimo · 09-09-2018, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Broncho

Audi piece of wank.
Put the car in dynamic and the gearbox goes to its default setting of sport, as it should, however leave it in dynamic turn the shit heap off and on and it stays in dynamic but the gearbox reverts to drive, just why?

I think its a VAG thing, because our Skoda Karoq SUV does similar evil tricks, configured profile to sport including gearbox, start car next day, profile says sport but gearbox gone to standard mode, have to select another drive profile and then re-select sport profile to get all my programmed settings 100%. F@cking annoying

davyk31 · 09-09-2018, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alice Coupe

What the f*** is that number plate all about.
May be performance of the car is karma for that atrocity.

It's a homage to his favourite band - Steps

5 6 7 8

R0B · 09-09-2018, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Broncho

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustChris

I'm both sorry and delighted to see this.

Sorry as in it's not worked out...but always glad to see folks coming back to the beemer.

It's really that bad?

Can I go shopping with you for the new car at BMW

It just frustrates me, I do prefer the BMW but fancied a change, I’m waiting to see what the new 3 is like but actually might need to go a bit bigger.

Get an X5.

teaston · 09-09-2018, 11:20 AM

I bet it's not scared of spiders though!

Broncho · 09-09-2018, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by R0bb0

Quote:

Originally Posted by Broncho

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustChris

I'm both sorry and delighted to see this.

Sorry as in it's not worked out...but always glad to see folks coming back to the beemer.

It's really that bad?

Can I go shopping with you for the new car at BMW

It just frustrates me, I do prefer the BMW but fancied a change, I'm waiting to see what the new 3 is like but actually might need to go a bit bigger.

Get an X5.

Our kid's got one, he might think I'm copying!

R0B · 09-09-2018, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Broncho

Quote:

Originally Posted by R0bb0

Quote:

Originally Posted by Broncho

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustChris

I'm both sorry and delighted to see this.

Sorry as in it's not worked out...but always glad to see folks coming back to the beemer.

It's really that bad?

Can I go shopping with you for the new car at BMW

It just frustrates me, I do prefer the BMW but fancied a change, I'm waiting to see what the new 3 is like but actually might need to go a bit bigger.

Get an X5.

Our kid's got one, he might think I'm copying!

Just get one with one tiny additional option. Job done.

09-09-2018, 06:51 AM	#1
Broncho Banned 2311 Rep 5,101 Posts Drives: Chav white Mercedes Join Date: Nov 2015 Location: Rainhill iTrader: (0)	I hate my car. Audi piece of wank. What a fetid stinking heap of horse dung this piece of shit really is. First of all the gearbox is cack, it is the slowest responding pile of excretion I have ever driven, pull up to a busy roundabout, see a gap put your foot down and nothing so abandon the manoeuvre. It feels like the throttle and engine are connected by a rubber band. Stuff works sometimes, the button on the steering wheel works say 7 times out of 10, I have it configured to drive select so I don't have to reach to the passenger side to change drive modes mainly because it's in a fucking stupid place anyway, I mean why would it work properly when fuck all else does? Plug my phone in and depending on the mood of the heap of shat sometimes Apple car play will work and sometimes it won't, when it works sometimes it just decides it will switch itself off, just depends how it feels. Sat nav, google earth, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't, just fucking makes its own mind up. The voice in the car was set to some sexy woman, this week it's decided it's going to speak to me in a male voice not unlike Julian Clary. Put the car in dynamic and the gearbox goes to its default setting of sport, as it should, however leave it in dynamic turn the shit heap off and on and it stays in dynamic but the gearbox reverts to drive, just why? Piano black trim, it 8 months old and looks a squirrel had sharpened its teeth on it. Many other gripes but I'd be here all day. Plus points it's a bit quicker than I was expecting, it's economical, it looks ok and the interior is nice but overall it's dog poo. I'm going to buy something else and give this to the Mrs as she couldn't care less. Never again. Attached Images
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09-09-2018, 07:10 AM	#2
Andy440 Private 23 Rep 86 Posts Drives: 440i GC SRB Join Date: Jan 2017 Location: Kent iTrader: (0)	Sorry to hear it hasn’t worked out. Clearly another Audi sent on the shopping list .... what is ?
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09-09-2018, 07:11 AM	#3
MashinBenzin Major General 8502 Rep 8,809 Posts Drives: Eiger D5 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: UK iTrader: (0)	Honestly, I think we could have all told you that before you bought it google maps behind the steering wheel and 'knocks F30 into the 19th century' dashboard for the win though. In all seriousness, sorry to hear that you hate it. Very frustrating to be caught with a crap car. I narrowly dodged the A4 bullet in 2009, but a test drive fortunately showed up the concrete boots drive. It's why it takes me an age to prevaricate over the next car - but I enjoy the chase as much as the taking ownership! __________________ Drives - 2020 LR Discovery HSE-L Previous - 2019 LR Discovery HSE-L // 2016 F36 440i // 2009 E90 320D SE
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09-09-2018, 07:23 AM	#4
Hooded Banned 1669 Rep 3,967 Posts Drives: F30 330d M-Sport Join Date: Apr 2017 Location: England iTrader: (0)	To be fair quite a few BMW owners seem to have a similar complaint with the auto box and the throttle and engine being connected by a rubber band feeling sometimes.
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09-09-2018, 08:19 AM	#5
isleaiw1 Lieutenant General 8852 Rep 12,303 Posts Drives: iPace / Mini Join Date: Jul 2016 Location: UK iTrader: (0)	Interestingly my Audi hasn’t had any real faults in 12 months and 13.5k miles. Occasionally it tells me there is a fault with the electronic parking brake - which might be because I never use it... 8 speed ZF does its stuff, perhaps not as quick as in BMW programme but good enough. DSG never really lived up to its initial hype I am afraid.
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09-09-2018, 08:34 AM	#6
Alice Coupe Lieutenant 157 Rep 429 Posts Drives: F36 430dX M Sport Join Date: Apr 2018 Location: Scotland iTrader: (0)	What the f*** is that number plate all about. May be performance of the car is karma for that atrocity.
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09-09-2018, 08:57 AM	#7
XK140 First Lieutenant 130 Rep 358 Posts Drives: SEAT Leon Cupra Carbon/GT86 Join Date: May 2016 Location: Chesterfield iTrader: (0)	Had a Q3 loan car last week,only the 1.4 petrol with 6 speed auto but it had a quite sharp take off and went fairly well for what it was. Would make a nice family car for the non sporty type,but boot too small and overpriced at beyond £30k. Anyway,have you conveyed your dissatisfaction to the appropriate Audi forum?
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09-09-2018, 08:59 AM	#8
Watsey Major General 6459 Rep 8,522 Posts Drives: F31 330D sDrive M Sport Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: On sabbatical. iTrader: (1)	I've driven a few VAG DSG 'boxes and they've all been dreadful. Give me a traditional torque converter 'box any day. __________________ Current : F31 330sD, remapped, Ohlins Road & Track, Millway camber plates, Quaife LSD, Stoptech brakes + Pagid RSL1 pads all round, Weichers front strut brace, Eibach front & rear anti-roll bars, Michelin MP4S.
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09-09-2018, 09:36 AM	#10
Roo12 Second Lieutenant 83 Rep 202 Posts Drives: 4 Series GC M Sport + Join Date: Aug 2016 Location: North West iTrader: (0)	What model A4 is it
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09-09-2018, 09:39 AM	#11
Ss66 Captain 346 Rep 897 Posts Drives: F32 440i Join Date: May 2014 Location: Warwickshire iTrader: (0)	Looking at that pic, looks like you've come to the end of the road lol. __________________ 2014 f330d 2015 f335d 2016 f32 440i tanzanite/white merino 2008 Toyota Yaris sr 2005 e46 320d. 1996 316i.
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09-09-2018, 10:00 AM	#13
JustChris General 17606 Rep 25,148 Posts Drives: Tesla MYRWD Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: UK iTrader: (0)	I'm both sorry and delighted to see this. Sorry as in it's not worked out...but always glad to see folks coming back to the beemer. It's really that bad? Can I go shopping with you for the new car at BMW __________________ My car made front page of Bimmerpost
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09-09-2018, 11:20 AM	#20
teaston Banned 11002 Rep 32,881 Posts Drives: X3 M40d Join Date: May 2012 Location: The High Seas iTrader: (1)	I bet it's not scared of spiders though!
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