[Lups]

I've never gotten along with my mother. We see the world very differently. I could go on and on while listing our differences, we have met usually on my kids birthdays and on Christmas to see the Santa at my house. There has been an accidental grocery store meeting or two but that's how little contact we keep.

In the spring she decided to move. She demanded the family home I also inherited a piece of was to be sold to my brother. To be clear, I thought it was better for my mental health to sever all ties to my family and since the hubby and I agreed we sold it.

In late September my mother got the keys to her new flat. She lived at the family summer house for months (not a hardship) but basically I saw her for the first time in months on her moving day. She was scared, which for a woman nearing seventy could be normal, but I could not leave her at that state.

So for the last three weeks, anywhere from 8-17 hours, I've been stuck with a person I loath. She is so pale you can't see her with a white background. Not even joking. She gets dizzy while looking up, down, she has zero abilities to handle a car while moving in the same streets she's been driving on for all her life. There are huge personality changes such as she relying on me for everything. She is trying to pay for things on my behalf which has never happened before, and is certainly not needed. Huge memory issues too, which concern me also.

In a way I am absolutely loving this new relationship I have with my mom, her needing my help is a balm to the sores of my youth. The thing is, my brother has completely checked out and left her on her own after he got the house on a very good deal for him. I get that he has a lot on his plate, a demanding job, a wife who's pregnant and a very expensive renovation on the house he got so cheap my real estate contacts cried .

I don't think my mother is okay. She called me three times today to tell the great news of her finding a box with photos she's been looking for I've pointed out to her for two times previously. The photos were in the last box in the flat all last week. She got lost while driving to her summer home last week. Her dog is so fat since she now gets extra meals cuz she forgets she just fed her.

About 10 days ago I pissed her off by telling her I booked her a doctor and that I'd take her there and that I'm worried with her health and with her personality changes. I told her that im her next of kin and that I demand that my observations will be taken seriously. I told her that if she felt fine, she should tell me so and I can fuck off back to my normal life which certainly doesn't include her.

Now I'm taking her a warm lunch daily. I'm trying to boost her iron intake so the meals are pretty damn full of protein and vitamins and as mentioned iron. The pale skin, the overall crumbled and wrinkled look shes sporting is terrifying. I have no control of her finances but I make sure no money is given to my family, as in my hubby or my kids or me. I'm that worried.

I'm not looking for medical advice, that I'll leave to the doctor I'm hauling her to later in the week. I'm just wondering if any of this sounds familiar to any of you? What did you guys do?

[fiveohwblow]

My parents were quite young when they started their family. The first child was born when my mother was 17, father 19.

Fast forward to today, the three of us are a triangle of sorts. In February of this year, 2020, my mother visited my home. She played the same caring and compassionate mother she had always been. Times have been tough over the last 10 years with my children and her medical issues. She has suffered two strokes that have left her, well, different.

She left from her visit, went back home and proceeded to send A TEXT to my father and I that she loathed us, we dont support her and she wanted me to inform my children she had died.

She divorced "us" and legally divorced my father, her husband of 40 years, and moved to Las Vegas. She is more than ailed, cant see due to strokes, cant think clearly and has become a woman I cannot recognize in and out. At this point, she does not communicate with me as she has changed her number. I cant offer help.

The one thing I realized, the closer someone is, the more eligible the opportunity for pain. Family helps, family hurts and family goes. My definition of family is forever altered and I cannot consider anyone willing to hurt another with mal intent to be family of mine. I have friends that care more for my well being than my own family. Parents or not, sometimes it isnt healthy for the "me" in the equation to cling to a blood connection.

[TXSTYLE]

First and foremost... I commend you swee friend for sharing this and taking on such a tremendous challenge.
I can certainly relate to an extent as I am a current Caregiver for my beloved Grandmother (106yrs old). I love her dearly and she has been a blessing to my family as we have been to her.
It requires a certain high level of emotional stability and fortitude to do this. I don't know how your faith is. But I am a proud child of God and I have come to realize that without his grace, peace and strength, I am helpless. Or at the least, blind and helpless with what truly matters in the world and life. I encourage you to seek out a relationship with God or at the least, consult one on one with a seasoned Minister, Pastor to share this with. And also seek out or even create a 'Support Group' of folks doing what you do.
Try to imagine yourself in her situation. How would you want to be treated?
Understand that you are helping someone who would otherwise might get taken advantage of or mistreated. Find strength and courage and peace in knowing that you are a blessing to her. And in some form or way, you will be rewarded for your sacrifice and care...

- Marcus

[Lups]

Originally Posted by fiveohwblow

My parents were quite young when they started their family. The first child was born when my mother was 17, father 19.

Fast forward to today, the three of us are a triangle of sorts. In February of this year, 2020, my mother visited my home. She played the same caring and compassionate mother she had always been. Times have been tough over the last 10 years with my children and her medical issues. She has suffered two strokes that have left her, well, different.

She left from her visit, went back home and proceeded to send A TEXT to my father and I that she loathed us, we dont support her and she wanted me to inform my children she had died.

She divorced "us" and legally divorced my father, her husband of 40 years, and moved to Las Vegas. She is more than ailed, cant see due to strokes, cant think clearly and has become a woman I cannot recognize in and out. At this point, she does not communicate with me as she has changed her number. I cant offer help.

The one thing I realized, the closer someone is, the more eligible the opportunity for pain. Family helps, family hurts and family goes. My definition of family is forever altered and I cannot consider anyone willing to hurt another with mal intent to be family of mine. I have friends that care more for my well being than my own family. Parents or not, sometimes it isnt healthy for the "me" in the equation to cling to a blood connection.

Thank you for sharing this. To write this must have been hard or even worse, truthful and a relief.

I need to reread this tomorrow, and I'm wishing you well. Gained family is the way to go, since that can include everyone.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by TXSTYLE

First and foremost... I commend you swee friend for sharing this and taking on such a tremendous challenge.
I can certainly relate to an extent as I am a current Caregiver for my beloved Grandmother (106yrs old). I love her dearly and she has been a blessing to my family as we have been to her.
It requires a certain high level of emotional stability and fortitude to do this. I don't know how your faith is. But I am a proud child of God and I have come to realize that without his grace, peace and strength, I am helpless. Or at the least, blind and helpless with what truly matters in the world and life. I encourage you to seek out a relationship with God or at the least, consult one on one with a seasoned Minister, Pastor to share this with. And also seek out or even create a 'Support Group' of folks doing what you do.
Try to imagine yourself in her situation. How would you want to be treated?
Understand that you are helping someone who would otherwise might get taken advantage of or mistreated. Find strength and courage and peace in knowing that you are a blessing to her. And in some form or way, you will be rewarded for your sacrifice and care...

- Marcus

Hi, old friend, always glad to see you around.

I'm an atheist, but she's religious so every three days I take her to the cemetery and church. We are very different, as you can find out if you open the link to the hospice link in the op.

The scariest thing is the personality changes. I'm the last person she has ever wanted in her life. Even my family has never been good enough for her. Now she's here all the time and I have to remind the kids not to be themselves while she's around and the hubby who's working from home is again stuck handling his job and some of mine.

My mom calls me at seven am so we can walk our dogs together in the morning. My dog has been with my best friend for 5 days now, she is surprised every morning by this and yet she just needs me for everything. Everything. Yesterday we went shopping for toilet brushes. Seriously.

We found the right kind, after 3 hours. They were 3 bucks costlier than the usual model so she ended up buying the usual 4 dollar models.

I swear to god, I didnt spent that much time when i was shopping for a husband.

[overcoil]

No matter what you always take care of your mother !

[nyalpine90]

Originally Posted by fiveohwblow

My parents were quite young when they started their family. The first child was born when my mother was 17, father 19.

Fast forward to today, the three of us are a triangle of sorts. In February of this year, 2020, my mother visited my home. She played the same caring and compassionate mother she had always been. Times have been tough over the last 10 years with my children and her medical issues. She has suffered two strokes that have left her, well, different.

She left from her visit, went back home and proceeded to send A TEXT to my father and I that she loathed us, we dont support her and she wanted me to inform my children she had died.

She divorced "us" and legally divorced my father, her husband of 40 years, and moved to Las Vegas. She is more than ailed, cant see due to strokes, cant think clearly and has become a woman I cannot recognize in and out. At this point, she does not communicate with me as she has changed her number. I cant offer help.

The one thing I realized, the closer someone is, the more eligible the opportunity for pain. Family helps, family hurts and family goes. My definition of family is forever altered and I cannot consider anyone willing to hurt another with mal intent to be family of mine. I have friends that care more for my well being than my own family. Parents or not, sometimes it isnt healthy for the "me" in the equation to cling to a blood connection.

similar situation where family has been more harmful then good, sometimes its best to keep your distances for your own well being. it may sound coldhearted or harsh but sometimes its only way out if they are not willing to change their ways.

[Alfisti]

My father passed in January, "luckily" whilst I was in Australia for a visit, we were never close. I am very close to my mother, she has a million ailments, has had it tough, including cancer 3 times. I live 13,000KM and lose sleep over it every night. My own fault but it worries me endlessly.

[UncleWede]

You may remember how my mom went. The mind was mostly there the whole time, it was the poor ravaged body that she sacrificed for us, working graveyard at teh post office but still being our mom during the day.

My dad turns 81 in December. He is losing some of his thought process, and doesn't remember well, but not to the level you describe. He keeps telling me things because "it's the last one I'll buy in my lifetime" He has left the family trust account to me, so keeps calling me in to his office (he still works as a lawyer, and his declining mental situation bothers him very much) to make sure I know where important documents are, and how to pay bills. Since my youngest son worked about 2 years as his secretary, I'm sure we can make it work when dad passes.

I still go on trips to the cabin with him when I can, although last weekend since the washer at home isn't working, he drove 3 hours to the cabin to wash his clothes. He really wishes his new wife would join him at the cabin, but I think there is too much of mom there, so she just won't go.

I know you were the mother hen to us, if you need a shoulder at least one of us is still here

[Lups]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

You may remember how my mom went. The mind was mostly there the whole time, it was the poor ravaged body that she sacrificed for us, working graveyard at teh post office but still being our mom during the day.

My dad turns 81 in December. He is losing some of his thought process, and doesn't remember well, but not to the level you describe. He keeps telling me things because "it's the last one I'll buy in my lifetime" He has left the family trust account to me, so keeps calling me in to his office (he still works as a lawyer, and his declining mental situation bothers him very much) to make sure I know where important documents are, and how to pay bills. Since my youngest son worked about 2 years as his secretary, I'm sure we can make it work when dad passes.

I still go on trips to the cabin with him when I can, although last weekend since the washer at home isn't working, he drove 3 hours to the cabin to wash his clothes. He really wishes his new wife would join him at the cabin, but I think there is too much of mom there, so she just won't go.

I know you were the mother hen to us, if you need a shoulder at least one of us is still here

Your thread was quoted in the op originally but I chickened when I reread the thread of yours . Mind you, I have it printed, I have it on my archives yet when I feel bad I go and look for that thread here. I still remember how terrible it was to read about your mom, but also when you shared your pain, you gave me the biggest gift mentally I've ever had when it comes to my family. I salute you, Uncle Wade (see how well I remember my typos!)

Honest to coffee (atheist god), before covid my days went like this: 4 am wakeup, coffee& papers, 7.30 am, feed the kids, send them to school. Go and run with the dog, do reno for 4 hours, lunch for everyone, laundry, paint a bit and charity projects, hardware shops, grocery store, find new stocks to finance my lazy lifestyle with, bed at 2 am. Now, for a month I've had a mom to babysit and help on top of that all.

I'm not thinking she has an actual condition such as your dad has, she's just given up completely. It isnt even depression alone, it's like she has broken her own heart. I have a vast experience with dementia and palls by now since I do the shopping for the elderly neighbors of mine. Their kids live a far away so to mindful of their conditions (various) we've agreed with their kids that I'll deliver the shit, and they pay me back instead of their parents.

I swear to coffee... I fucking need to work on my attitude. The bitch has had zero issues in favouring my sibling. She has has zero problems in stiffing me when it comes to my inheritance. Now my brother has disappeared and she leans on me, and the second thing after booking her to see a doctor was to contact my lawyer friend to list the changes to her so there is a record with a timestamp. Not to gain, just to make sure it is recorded. I just can't let even the bitch I hate to be left alone to endure bad times on her own, or to be abused when she's frail.

[tcphoto]

My aging Stepmother fell and broke her C1 vertebrae in August and it's been a challenge to say the least. I have learned that I do not have the patience to be a healthcare professional and it's been quite a humbling experience. She has been in a hard collar for eleven weeks and should be out of it next week. I think that it was a merciless that she avoided surgery. It's funny how a couple days into this, I felt like a teenager with all the critical comments and stress. I look forward to others stepping up and doing their part but I don't hold out hope.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by tcphoto

My aging Stepmother fell and broke her C1 vertebrae in August and it's been a challenge to say the least. I have learned that I do not have the patience to be a healthcare professional and it's been quite a humbling experience. She has been in a hard collar for eleven weeks and should be out of it next week. I think that it was a merciless that she avoided surgery. It's funny how a couple days into this, I felt like a teenager with all the critical comments and stress. I look forward to others stepping up and doing their part but I don't hold out hope.

My mother-in-law is a nurse, though somewhat retired. Yeah. I know what you mean. I have a ton of doctors in the family,the mil is the one listening to me falling to pieces when I deal with my mom.

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by Lups

Your thread was quoted in the op originally but I chickened when I reread the thread of yours . Mind you, I have it printed, I have it on my archives yet when I feel bad I go and look for that thread here. I still remember how terrible it was to read about your mom, but also when you shared your pain, you gave me the biggest gift mentally I've ever had when it comes to my family. I salute you, Uncle Wade (see how well I remember my typos!)

Honest to coffee (atheist god), before covid my days went like this: 4 am wakeup, coffee& papers, 7.30 am, feed the kids, send them to school. Go and run with the dog, do reno for 4 hours, lunch for everyone, laundry, paint a bit and charity projects, hardware shops, grocery store, find new stocks to finance my lazy lifestyle with, bed at 2 am. Now, for a month I've had a mom to babysit and help on top of that all.

I'm not thinking she has an actual condition such as your dad has, she's just given up completely. It isnt even depression alone, it's like she has broken her own heart. I have a vast experience with dementia and palls by now since I do the shopping for the elderly neighbors of mine. Their kids live a far away so to mindful of their conditions (various) we've agreed with their kids that I'll deliver the shit, and they pay me back instead of their parents.

I swear to coffee... I fucking need to work on my attitude. The bitch has had zero issues in favouring my sibling. She has has zero problems in stiffing me when it comes to my inheritance. Now my brother has disappeared and she leans on me, and the second thing after booking her to see a doctor was to contact my lawyer friend to list the changes to her so there is a record with a timestamp. Not to gain, just to make sure it is recorded. I just can't let even the bitch I hate to be left alone to endure bad times on her own, or to be abused when she's frail.

You paint me in a much brighter light than I do myself

I can do the "work", but I struggle so much with appearance at the hospital

From an early age, the family fortune was always mine. That's the easy part. I had some challenges when mom passed, but nothing like my little brothers

2 are still so confrontational with dad, but I worry in my own way so much for them when dad passes too. I still think I have until at least 2030 before Superman hangs up the cape

[fiveohwblow]

Originally Posted by Lups

Thank you for sharing this. To write this must have been hard or even worse, truthful and a relief.

I need to reread this tomorrow, and I'm wishing you well. Gained family is the way to go, since that can include everyone.

Thank you Lups, and honestly, it isn’t difficult to share as I’ve relieved myself of the emotions tied to the situation. I didn’t mean to only come in and verbally vomit all over your thread and I hope it wasn’t received that way, guess my intention was to share you aren’t alone. Sorry your situation puts you in the thick of it, I believe I’ll be there taking care of my father when he is in similar condition. His 36 years of retirement went up in smoke with his company being purchased by Enron and subsequently losing it all because of their scandal right after. My life is a rolling tragedy now that I write it out

Anyway, thanks for sharing and I hope you find more than two hours to rest. I caught the original post and read your comments on your father. You’re quiet the open book and it’s refreshing in this Facebook highlight reel world.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by fiveohwblow

Thank you Lups, and honestly, it isn’t difficult to share as I’ve relieved myself of the emotions tied to the situation. I didn’t mean to only come in and verbally vomit all over your thread and I hope it wasn’t received that way, guess my intention was to share you aren’t alone. Sorry your situation puts you in the thick of it, I believe I’ll be there taking care of my father when he is in similar condition. His 36 years of retirement went up in smoke with his company being purchased by Enron and subsequently losing it all because of their scandal right after. My life is a rolling tragedy now that I write it out

Anyway, thanks for sharing and I hope you find more than two hours to rest. I caught the original post and read your comments on your father. You’re quiet the open book and it’s refreshing in this Facebook highlight reel world.

Verbal vomit is basically all of my output so I welcome giving others the same opportunity!

I took the link away from the op, remembering that shit just makes this even harder. My eldest is now 13 and the kid stated and did today in a very casual manner something very wise.

"Mom, have a day off. I'll babysit grandma today. I'll pretend to be one of those kids who has not been traumatized by her fucked up ways and you go and have a beer, I went and bought you some".
I was too worn out to wonder how exactly a 13 year old buys beer, and I was too worn out to realize for hours that I was drinking the non alcoholic kind.
My new rule in life is that if you've been drinking beer like it's going to be banned for 3 hours and just then you check the label, you're too tired for anything.

(The best kid ever tho)

Originally Posted by Soul_Glo

My pops is getting on a bit but it's a tough one. We never really had a proper relationship with him when I was a kid. He was working overtime. Hardly saw him. My grandpa raised me and was more of a dad to me. So now my pa is old and I don't know how to connect with him or ask him how he is doing. When I do go see him I get one word answers at times but we mostly sit there in silence. I take a few things over every other month like dish soap, linen... keep him stocked up. He even said sorry for failing as a father but we just can't seem to build that bridge and I don't think I want to anymore. I have my own life and he doesn't ever make an effort to talk to my wife. I don't even know what he thinks of her or if he approves but he came to the wedding though. My kids don't really want to see him so I don't force it. It's weird. When he is with his friends he comes to life (think pixar) but with his own family he doesn't want to know. So now he is getting on a bit. My wife says. What has he ever done for me bar criticize me and tell me that failure is not an option? To the point I ran away from home and joined the army when 17. I even became a doctor but he's never told me he's proud. Only pointed out my lack. When I think about that then sometimes I just drop things off when he is not in and leave. So my wife said as he hasn't been so nice... out goes the annex to our house... we'll be choosing his nursing home next year. When we put grandpa in a home as he required 24 hr care and I just couldn't balance it with work... he admit when he had a drinking problem he kicked my dad out of the house when he was 12... my dad slept rough, got a job... moved in with some strangers... bought his own home and got married. Whenever his dad (my grandpa) would visit him he'd ignore him... that may explain a few things.

This all sounds very familiar. I'm so sorry for you, the role models gotten are not easy to get over but you have obviously done so.

A few weeks before my dad died, a car had stalled in the motorway. I stopped and picked up the three guys in it and took them to warmth (february in Finland gets cold. Seriously fucking cold). My dad shouted at me when I told him because what I did wasn't safe. I told him he would've done the same. "Yeah but Anna now I can't and save you. When I'm gone, who's going to save you when something goes wrong?"

"You do realise that when you die, everything you've taught me lives on and that in a few years your grandkids will be giving me a hand when I fuck up?"

So while I had my dad, you had less but obviously you've developed an understanding of how this works. We adults are not supposed to bring the shit that has happened to us to the next generation. You're basically looking after your shitty dad to show your kids humans matter, no matter who they are.

He is never going to give you the words, so let me: I'm very proud of you for working so hard to make yourself the man you're now. Even if he comprehends the work you've done to make you you of today, it's probably in his mind all thanks to him for making you so tough.

It isnt, it was all you. Now just make sure the next gen takes after you. I'd offer you a non alcoholic beer if this forum was equipped to that sort of thing, I got plenty.

[F32Fleet]

Life is a bitch. The 70's seem to be an inflection point for people with regards to mental faculties. We all experience different rates of decline.

My stepfather (80) developed Parkinson's and has been in a nursing home for 3 years because his condition and size require 24/7 care. He started exhibiting mental decline in his early 60's. By 72 or so he what I call "lost your filter", professionals probably call it losing empathy. He would occasionally lash out verbally at people for no reason and say truly horrible things. He would also get lost while driving, would hit cars in parking lots (left the scene once afterwhich my mother pulled his license). Moving into a home broke him because he really expected to die of a heart attack. He's unable to understand why he's there.

My view is that this is just life and just try to roll with issues as they arise. It's sad and can be very hard to watch the decline of our parents but we will all be there eventually. Just cherish the time you have and retain your sense of humor.

[Desmond79]

This year has got to turn eventually into next year.

My parents become more difficult in their 80's. Mom fell in her 70's and it led to dementia. It's sad when your mother no longer recognizes you or her grandchildren, whom she helped raise. She died during Covid alone in a senior home - we saw her the day before her death - she had stopped eating and drinking. She had told us when competent to just let her die if she could no longer live her life as she had, so we let her go. She died in her sleep the day after we saw her.

It was difficult the last 3 yrs.

Dad is 91 and stubborn. He wanted to live with Mom at the senior home on the dementia floor. We tried to tell him - no. Well, guess what? With no one with whom to talk, he went downhill. We'd visit and take him out but his stubbornness cost him. He dove into senility, didn't want to wear his hearing aid, and during Covid, he has lost much of his cognitive abilities. He fell this week, hit his head, and has Afib. After I stop my quarantine, just got back from a business trip, I need to visit. But I fear his time is near. Tough to see your parents decline.

Makes you workout, read, stay active. You don't want to be your parents.

[rcracin]

Maybe i’m mean & cold. Your brother got the better financial deal and is now playing deaf. Let your Mom be his problem.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by rcracin

Maybe i’m mean & cold. Your brother got the better financial deal and is now playing deaf. Let your Mom be his problem.

I keep wondering about this too. Our relationship is beyond repair but this is my huge you practice what you preach moment and I've been telling my kids that you always step in when you see someone being bullied, you always stand by the weaker individuals and you never ever leave a person in need of support to deal with it on their own.

So yeah, I'm fucked.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by tcphoto

I look forward to others stepping up and doing their part but I don't hold out hope.

This is the worst part.

We have a ton of medical professionals in the family, I contacted them all and let them know about my observations. It is no secret how well we get along and I also know my brother so i made sure everyone knew i suspected issues and now I'm basically making sure she has a warm meal daily. This will serve as a timestamp to show others she hanging around me is not me taking advantage of her.

Yeah, I don't think my brother will be handling this all for me. And I'm assuming this will be all on me. Nobody is going to help me.

[rcracin]

Originally Posted by Lups

I keep wondering about this too. Our relationship is beyond repair but this is my huge you practice what you preach moment and I've been telling my kids that you always step in when you see someone being bullied, you always stand by the weaker individuals and you never ever leave a person in need of support to deal with it on their own.

So yeah, I'm fucked.

I respectfully disagree. Do you teach your kids to stick up for ppl who shit on them just because those people are now at a disadvantage? What does that say about your self respect and pride? Sure, kids dont get that. As an adult, i’m more upset that my parents were there for my terrible grandparents. The icing on the cake was caring for them in their old age through surgeries and then getting fucked in the inheritance like we always knew we would.

I practice what i preach. Treat me good and i’ll treat you good. Shit on me and i’ll live my life as if you don’t exist.

[Joekerr]

Lups I've not responded to this thread yet, but I have read it several times.

I think what you are doing about documenting everything is wise, and you should continue to do so. Including the wider family in what is happening will only help, as it shows you are being transparent. Don't be afraid to ask for help. If it is refused, then so be it. But how many have you helped? How many have asked you for help? Does it not stand to reason then that if you want others to ask for help (and you do not look down on them for doing so), that you too should not be afraid to ask for help? Frankly, by doing so, it also shows that you are being open to family and not trying to secret your mother away...it shows them what you are dealing with and they will be on your side if anything acrimonious happens later between your brother and you. Though I'm not sure that's what you are worried about...I suspect this goes back to the root of your care for your father and your decision there, which you were roundly criticized for. Unfairly as well, I might add. I don't think this is going to go the same way, but, if you think so, ask and keep asking your family to get involved, so they can't say anything if they don't...if you withdraw care at a later stage.

Family is awesome and they are tough. We have a rift in my extended family on both my Dad and Mom's side...sucks, but it is. I doubt it will heal. Much like you doubt your relationship with your Mom will heal. Do you think in her current state she is open to communicating again about some of the pain you've felt in the past as a kid? It honestly might be good for both of you. I think sometimes in the later stages of life, hard people change and they soften, and they talk more. I saw that with my papa (grandfather), he was a hard man, scrappy, had a miserable childhood in Scotland and it really affected who he was. But in his latter part of life, before he died, the changes were remarkable. And his willingness to talk and share was a good thing. But you'd have never got that out of him until he had his stroke and knew he was pretty much a goner.

Lean on people when you need them. And good for you for doing this!