[Vanity]

**** DISCLAIMER ****
FLAT-OUT RACIST jokes are NOT welcomed in this thread. Neither are flat-out put-downs. Jokes that play on racial humour are allowed though (cause they're funny ). Take things easy if you get offended by a joke, it's just for laughs.


I'll start it off!

Why wouldn't you throw a rock at a Mexican riding a bike?


Because it could be yours.

[BTM]

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and and Irish wake?





One less drunk

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What do you call an Ethiopian with sesame seeds on his head?




A quarter pounder

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What do you call a black priest?






Holy shit

[Vanity]

Why do women have small feet?

So they can stand closer to the sink.

[BTM]

What's the difference between meat and fish?



You can't beat your fish.

[PsychoSlug]

This is going to be a painful thread.

Proceed.

[Bakeme521]

What's the difference between a girl and a washing machine?



You don't have to hug a washing machine after you dump a load in it.

[BTM]

Originally Posted by Bakeme521

What's the difference between a girl and a washing machine?



You don't have to hug a washing machine after you dump a load in it.

[pmeloche]

George W. Bush, the Canadian Prime Minister, Pope John Paul 2 and a schoolgirl are on a plane. Then the pilot announces on the PA system that the airplane is suffering catastrophic failures and they have to jump out of it. The problem is that there is only 3 parachutes for the four passengers.

Dubya exclaims: "I'm the leader of the Free World so I need a chute". So he picks up one and jumps out. The Canadian Prime Minister exclaims: "the Canadians need me". So he takes a chute and jumps out.

It's now only the Pope and the schoolgirl. The Pope looks at the girl and tells her that he's old and already very sick so she should take the last chute and save herself. The schoolgirl looks at him and says: "No, we have two chutes. You see, Bush took my backpack".

[sb335is]

whhy does smokey the bear hate condoms?



he doesn't like people burning rubber

[gun6slinger9]

A young city boy goes out to visit his grandparents on a farm. After many failed attempts with farm chores the boy decided to get some fresh milk. Upon seeing the boy drinking a glass of milk the grandpa asked the boy where he got milk as they had just ran out. The boy proudly says, grandpa I am a farmer now I milked it myself but your cows are getting old it took a while to get any. The grandpa shaking with laughter and smacking his leg exclaims, go back to the city boy! You didnt even notice we don't have any cows they're all bulls!

[BTM]

What are the 2 most commonly told lies?
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I'll pay you back and I won't cum in your mouth

[c0nstant]

Originally Posted by pmeloche

George W. Bush, the Canadian Prime Minister, Pope John Paul 2 and a schoolgirl are on a plane. Then the pilot announces on the PA system that the airplane is suffering catastrophic failures and they have to jump out of it. The problem is that there is only 3 parachutes for the four passengers.

Dubya exclaims: "I'm the leader of the Free World so I need a chute". So he picks up one and jumps out. The Canadian Prime Minister exclaims: "the Canadians need me". So he takes a chute and jumps out.

It's now only the Pope and the schoolgirl. The Pope looks at the girl and tells her that he's old and already very sick so she should take the last chute and save herself. The schoolgirl looks at him and says: "No, we have two chutes. You see, Bush took my backpack".

this is the worst joke i've ever read in my entire life

[CollinsE90]

Originally Posted by jh valley

this is the worst joke i've ever read in my entire life

you hating him doesnt play in your opinion whatsoever does it



for some reason i picture a bunch or rich democrats drinking wine at the local country club telling this joke, and their laugh HAR HAR HAR HAR, that was a good one William

[AllydNYC]

A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.

[CollinsE90]

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’

And then the fight started…

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My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed.. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ”Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

And then the fight started….

******************************************

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”

My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”

And that’s how the fight started…

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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ”I AM NOT HAPPY!!!”

So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you?”

And then the fight started…..

*****************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started…

******************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive…
so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started…

******************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’

And then the fight started….

[c0nstant]

Originally Posted by CollinsE90

you hating him doesnt play in your opinion whatsoever does it

what? no. that was a terrible joke, are you kidding? the only difference is instead of saying, 'that's not really funny' i'm a little more mean. dwi

[MiniMayor]

How can you tell your at a gay picnic??
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All the hotdogs taste like shit!

[AllydNYC]

A priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on a plane.

However, it is a short flight and they do not talk to each other.

[CarForHire]

Collin FTW.

[bmwmthree]

Originally Posted by AllydNYC

A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.

Originally Posted by AllydNYC

A priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on a plane.

However, it is a short flight and they do not talk to each other.

[CarForHire]

Originally Posted by bmwmthree

The jokes on us?

[bmwmthree]

Originally Posted by CarForHire

The jokes on us?

probably