[IbanezGod]

So I'm getting married in August. I'd like your thoughts on this.

I have an issue with my Best Man. He just got married 3 months ago. He's Turkish-American and isn't very familiar with responsibilities of the best man, however he's not an idiot. We've been best buddies for 10 years, but he's pretty whipped by his new wife. So he isn't attending the 3-day bachelor party (in Montreal).

Based on what i've seen is that they are both insecure of the idea of the other attending the bacheorette or bachelor party (not a good start to a marriage IMO, but that's besides the point).

He hasn't offered to help plan and just doesn't want anything to do with it. He also hasn't had the balls to talk to me about this in person. The bachelor party isn't going to be a cheat-fest, everyone going is married and good guys. Sometimes I'm not sure if he should be the best man.

Personally i'm insulted, we've been friends for 10+ years and they've been together for only 1 year, married for only 3 months. He's 30, she's 24. He's gone from 30 to acting 60 since he met his now wife. He was always a really fun guy and loved to party before he met her.

How would you take this? What are your minimal requirements for being a best man?

[///Mandy]

Does his wife know you two have been friends for 10+ years? Do you know how she feels towards yourself, other friends that are attending (aka her level of comfort with you and the other guys going)....

[IbanezGod]

Originally Posted by ///Mandy

Does his wife know you two have been friends for 10+ years? Do you know how she feels towards yourself, other friends that are attending (aka her level of comfort with you and the other guys going)....

we're all good friends and his wife is close to my fiancee, she's even in the wedding. She was all gung ho to go to Vegas with the girls, but i think he put the kabosh on it (not confirmed).

Yes she knows how long we've been friends. My guess is that they are just both insecure with being away from each other and possible opposite sex attractions going on while away at the parties.

The whole thing is disappointing.

[M_Six]

^^^^Killer E24 GIF

OP, nothing screws up a friendship like marriage. Your bud's new wife is obviously very insecure. That's a shame, but it happens. Two of my best friends were married to each other. I had a falling out with the guy (still don't know why), but I never got to talk to the girl again until they got divorced many years later. The biggest surprise when I was finally able to talk to her again was that she never knew why he dumped our friendship either. The point being, sometimes you can't explain how people act. It seems like your friend would be relieved to be "off the hook" about being your best man. Is there another person you can ask?

[IbanezGod]

Originally Posted by M_Six

^^^^Killer E24 GIF

OP, nothing screws up a friendship like marriage. Your bud's new wife is obviously very insecure. That's a shame, but it happens. Two of my best friends were married to each other. I had a falling out with the guy (still don't know why), but I never got to talk to the girl again until they got divorced many years later. The biggest surprise when I was finally able to talk to her again was that she never knew why he dumped our friendship either. The point being, sometimes you can't explain how people act. It seems like your friend would be relieved to be "off the hook" about being your best man. Is there another person you can ask?

he wants to be the best man, just have nothing to do with the bachelor party. I just don't see how after 10 years of being best friends, college roommates, etc. he can just not care.

Hate to have to remove him from the title, so i'm a bit torn. I just can't wrap my head around someone being the best man and not having anything to do with the bachelor party. It seems unacceptable.

[E90SoFlo]

Sounds like they're both insecure. I would talk to BOTH of them about it, and go from there.

OP I'm sure he cares, he's just trying to make his wife happy, and happy wife happy life.

[NYCGP]

Why are you acting like this person has to be your Best Man? Choose someone else.. You have other friends, right?

My friend made his 39 year old single, live at home brother his best man... and guess what? I had to plan his damn bachelor party and just about everything else associated with his wedding that the Best Man was supposed to do. So, just because someone is/was close to you does not always make them the Best Man.. Make a wiser choice or deal with the consequences.

[///Mandy]

Originally Posted by M_Six

^^^^Killer E24 GIF

Sanks!

It's sad to hear that you may have to consider someone else as your best man, especially re-considering someone who was your friend for 10+ years.

I can sense some insecurities on both parts, not a healthy relationship for not only his marriage, but for his friendships as well.

Tell him to grow a pair.

[IbanezGod]

Originally Posted by NYCGP

Why are you acting like this person has to be your Best Man? Choose someone else.. You have other friends, right?

My friend made his 39 year old single, live at home brother his best man... and guess what? I had to plan his damn bachelor party and just about everything else associated with his wedding that the Best Man was supposed to do. So, just because someone is/was close to you does not always make them the Best Man.. Make a wiser choice or deal with the consequences.

That ship has sailed. I planned the trip, decided on Montreal and my other buddies are going to help plan activities. I have other guys I can choose, however up until last summer he was my go-to guy for 10 years. He's earned it with the exception of up until recently.

[MDyDinanM]

My best man was a good friend of mine, but I didn't have any expectation for him to do anything but to ensure he didn't lose the wedding rings.

Different situation than yours, since my groomsmen were all coming from out of state and different places - so it would have been difficult to coordinate.

We all had a dinner the night before that went well. That's all I really cared about was having a reunion with my fellow colleges I served in the military with.

[IbanezGod]

Originally Posted by mdyaman

My best man was a good friend of mine, but I didn't have any expectation for him to do anything but to ensure he didn't lose the wedding rings.

that's kinda what it's coming to. Just can't believe he's such a pussy that he isn't going to the bachelor party.

[MDyDinanM]

Originally Posted by PicassoM

that's kinda what it's coming to. Just can't believe he's such a pussy that he isn't going to the bachelor party.

and by the way, i'm Turkish American too, and i know about Bachelor party traditions.

How "off the boat" is he? lol

[IbanezGod]

Originally Posted by mdyaman

and by the way, i'm Turkish American too, and i know about Bachelor party traditions.

How "off the boat" is he? lol

he's not off the boat at all.

[MDyDinanM]

Originally Posted by PicassoM

he's not off the boat at all.

lol...i was kidding!

good luck and congrats on getting married.

[IbanezGod]

Originally Posted by mdyaman

lol...i was kidding!

good luck and congrats on getting married.

Thanks man.

Btw he's off his rocker IMO. He needs a smack in the head.

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by PicassoM

So I'm getting married in August. I'd like your thoughts on this.

I have an issue with my Best Man. He just got married 3 months ago. He's Turkish-American and isn't very familiar with responsibilities of the best man, however he's not an idiot. We've been best buddies for 10 years, but he's pretty whipped by his new wife. So he isn't attending the 3-day bachelor party (in Montreal).

Based on what i've seen is that they are both insecure of the idea of the other attending the bacheorette or bachelor party (not a good start to a marriage IMO, but that's besides the point).

He hasn't offered to help plan and just doesn't want anything to do with it. He also hasn't had the balls to talk to me about this in person. The bachelor party isn't going to be a cheat-fest, everyone going is married and good guys. Sometimes I'm not sure if he should be the best man.

Personally i'm insulted, we've been friends for 10+ years and they've been together for only 1 year, married for only 3 months. He's 30, she's 24. He's gone from 30 to acting 60 since he met his now wife. He was always a really fun guy and loved to party before he met her.

How would you take this? What are your minimal requirements for being a best man?

To plan the bachelor party. Keep rings for all of an hour. Decent toast.

[IbanezGod]

this is the email I got from him.

Please respect our decision, we are married and we made this choice together. I am sure you all will have a great time

I can be your bestman but I am also a husband. If your idea of a bestman is different I apologize I am not fitting the mold.

not even a call.

[///Mandy]

Not cool, not cool at all. That's now how you base your descision to a 10+ year friend.

[MDyDinanM]

so your friend is a 30 yr old married to a 24 yr old? While not unheard of, i wonder how the maturity and thinking levels effect the relationship.

Also, ideally she would just be starting a career and prone to changing jobs, moving locations, etc. Him being 30 is probably settled in his career and wouldn't want to up root, granted that he doesn't have the flexibility.

Interesting is all. Wonder how much drama is in that relationship, if any.

[nusevad]

sounds like you need a new best man, also isnt the best man not suppose to be married?

I was my buddies best man last year and we did his bachelor party in Montreal, trust me bro you will have a blast. The strip clubs are amazing if you are into that sort of activities. The girls in Montreal are so warm and friendly, so easy to pick up. We also went paintballing/carting. Def. good memories...

[Jaypod]

You planned your own bachelor party? fail on his behalf (unless of course you just decided what to do on your own.)

I had nothing to do with mine, was just told to save the date.

[schoy]

Really? You're willing to demote his title of being your "best buddy" (and therefore being your best man) because he is honoring his marriage vows? Really? You're getting married yourself, man; do you even know what that means?

Edit: The best man doesn't always have to plan the bachelor party. It's not uncommon, especially if there are extenuating circumstances (distance, time, other commitments, etc.). Be a little understanding, and have another groomsman (or friend) plan the party.