[SixBanger]

I met this girl in 2006 through a good friend of mine. I'm still friends with her (somewhat close) all we do is catch up once or twice a month over dinner. I was on my way to my favorite local restaurant last night. She texted me on the way there, and we both agreed to meet there within 20 minutes. I get there first and put our names in, after waiting 25 minutes for her. She texts me saying she's not coming, because she ran into an old family friend at a restaurant in her apartment building. I really never thought she'd burn me like that because we've been "loyal" friends for quite sometime. I told her how I felt and moved on with my night. My question to you all is... Should I keep in contact with her or move on? She said sorry a couple times, but lets face it I got burned. Am I over reacting?

[Mr Tonka]

Yes. you are.

Look, people are fickle beings. You build your expectations around them as individuals. Some of my friends are rock solid, some are flaky. When i have plans with flaky friends i expect them to bail and will be pissed about it because it happens all the time. Inherently, i'm not as close to them as some other friends. When i have plans with my solid friends, i don't expect them to bail. Yet if they do, i know it's for a good reason.

Figure out where she is as a friend and build your expectations accordingly. She bailed on a catch up dinner with someone she sees twice a month. Maybe your friendship with her means more to you than it does to her, maybe you want more than friendship. Either way, bringing this to the forum for opinions, to me, means you are overreacting.

Look at what you enjoy about your friends rather than their faults. Makes them more enjoyable.

[upstatedoc]

Oh geez not this shit again! Let's look at this another way. Say it was one of your guy friends and they did the same thing would you consider not speaking to them again? I had this happen all the time when I was younger and it didn't bother me. But this bothers you because the friend is a female. And I would say you have other feelings for her. If you don't then fine blow it off. If you do then get on it or move on!

[BenchRacerYo]

OP, are you the female or is your friend the female?

Kidding. (Slightly.)

You're way overreacting.

[ddk632]

Happened once?
Let go if it.

Becomes a pattern:
Not really a friend and not worth one's time.

[P1]

Key question: are you really just friends? Sounds like you felt you got stood up on a date...

[Benstuck]

Overreacting. You hung out with her once a month, that's no friend, just an acquaintance IMO

[silvergray545]

Originally Posted by P1et

Key question: are you really just friends? Sounds like you felt you got stood up on a date...

Bingo. This is the question that needs to be answered first. If she was just a friend, this thread wouldn't exist right now.

[NemesisX]

Originally Posted by Mr Tonka

Yes. you are.

Look, people are fickle beings. You build your expectations around them as individuals. Some of my friends are rock solid, some are flaky. When i have plans with flaky friends i expect them to bail and will be pissed about it because it happens all the time. Inherently, i'm not as close to them as some other friends. When i have plans with my solid friends, i don't expect them to bail. Yet if they do, i know it's for a good reason.

Figure out where she is as a friend and build your expectations accordingly. She bailed on a catch up dinner with someone she sees twice a month. Maybe your friendship with her means more to you than it does to her, maybe you want more than friendship. Either way, bringing this to the forum for opinions, to me, means you are overreacting.

Look at what you enjoy about your friends rather than their faults. Makes them more enjoyable.

Originally Posted by P1et

Key question: are you really just friends? Sounds like you felt you got stood up on a date...

Good posts.

It seems like the OP may be more emotionally invested in this relationship than the girl is. If you are indeed merely friends with this woman, then it's important to keep that in perspective.

[kevinbahnz]

you should post this up on your FB and see what your friends and family think. jk

[SixBanger]

Joe, ddk632 and upstatedoc you've hit the nail on the head. I've had feelings for this girl on and off for quite some time, but she got engaged a year ago and they all went away. Her and her fiance cancelled the wedding due to differences, and now I'm starting to like her more now.
However, she's still living with her ex-fiance. It's all twisted and fuct up I know, but we've done alot in the past and I'm a firm believer in believing that shit happens for a reason. I've had 2 transplants and she was at my bedside rehabilitating me for 2 weeks before I was discharged.

[Vic311]

Originally Posted by SixBanger

I met this girl in 2006 through a good friend of mine. I'm still friends with her (somewhat close) all we do is catch up once or twice a month over dinner. I was on my way to my favorite local restaurant last night. She texted me on the way there, and we both agreed to meet there within 20 minutes. I get there first and put our names in, after waiting 25 minutes for her. She texts me saying she's not coming, because she ran into an old family friend at a restaurant in her apartment building. I really never thought she'd burn me like that because we've been "loyal" friends for quite sometime. I told her how I felt and moved on with my night. My question to you all is... Should I keep in contact with her or move on? She said sorry a couple times, but lets face it I got burned. Am I over reacting?

This is code for, I had to meet up with a guy I am currently or was formerly banging.

Also what does "loyal friends" mean? You described it as a casual, once/twice a month dinner /every so often thing. If you had an opportunity to "be" with another girl that same night, wouldn't you have cancelled on here

If you are just friends why are you bent out of shape over it? Why would you feel the need to "move on" if only friends? You seem to have feelings for her, but IMO since you have been friends this long you are most likely to remain permanently in the friend zone.

From how you sound you want more and maybe she doesn't?..So yes move on or keep it casual. No need to go out of your way to be a dick to her but also no need to keep chasing her like a puppy. Just be cool and distant. Girls seem to like that in a guy for some reason.

[SixBanger]

From how you sound you want more and maybe she doesn't?..So yes move on or keep it casual. No need to go out of your way to be a dick to her but also no need to keep chasing her like a puppy. Just be cool and distant. Girls seem to like that in a guy for some reason.

Word. Will do thanks

[squishy]

Originally Posted by Vic311

Just be cool and distant. Girls seem to like that in a guy for some reason.

Lol stereotypical douchebag statement.

My advice, she doesn't see you as anything more than a friend.

If you're looking for a relationship, I'd look elsewhere.

Be confident, direct, and BE YOURSELF.

[Nkc]

No need to get pissed. If you like her and want to pursue this relationship then tell her. Even if she's just a friend, you can't assume that a female being will be Bro-like and not be flaky all the time. She's been with you during hard times and that's loyalty in my books.

[san~man]

The fact that she still lives with the ex-fiance is fucked up, and should've made you put the force field up. If they own the place together, it may be something that she can't avoid or get out of financially, but if they're renting it together and she's still there, there's something else going on.

However, it's obvious (and by your own admission) that you have feelings for her so you're stuck. Either talk to her about how you feel or stay in the friend zone, tough call.

[wrickem]

She burned you, but nothing to loose a long and easy friendship over. She owes you picking up the tab for your next dinner though.

[Billup]

If I had a dollar for every time friends have bailed. Don't let it get to you, its really not that big of a deal unless you allow it to be. Things come up, I've bailed on my fair share of gatherings as well, just take it for a grain of salt. Sounds like you are letting your lust for her make the situation seem more than it really is. If she is a real friend, things will go on as if it never happened.

The biggest problem I see here is...., you forgot to post a picture of her so we know what you are up against.

[grimlock]

funny, of the people I remember have bailed on me, i am no longer friends with them. It shows what they think of you, which IMO is they don't value you as much as you value them. IMO this is one chasm that can't be fixed

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by grimlock

funny, of the people I remember have bailed on me, i am no longer friends with them. It shows what they think of you, which IMO is they don't value you as much as you value them. IMO this is one chasm that can't be fixed

But presumably such people have bailed on you more than once no? If its a habitual thing, then yes, I agree with you, certainly shows you how much they value you and get rid of them.

But to OP, think you are over-reacting. Be honest with her and move on if she doesn't feel the same way, but don't stay in the friend zone miserable if that's not where your feelings also lie.

[Litos]

Originally Posted by SixBanger

She texts me saying she's not coming, because she ran into an old family friend at a restaurant in her apartment building.

decoded: this dude that I've been banging for the last 3 months at my apartment complex wanted me to bring 2 of my hottest friends into his apartment to hang out

[synclastica_86]

Sry bro