Men's Rules

jcoo085 · 12-20-2005, 06:35 PM

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules:
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1.Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that
1.Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1.Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be
1.Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1.Crying is blackmail.
1.Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
JUST SAY IT!
1.‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question
1.Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for
1.A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor
1.Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days
1.If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us
1.If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1.You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself
1.Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials
1.Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we
1.ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1.If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1.If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle
1.If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear
1.When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really
1.Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
Sex,
Sport, or
Cars
1.You have enough clothes
1.You have too many shoes
1.I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1.Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

BellasBmw · 12-20-2005, 06:38 PM

F-ing men.. So true..

Broken1 · 12-21-2005, 06:34 AM

HAHAHA :-) I should give that to my girlfriend hahah...I just laughed so
hard!!!

Dante · 12-21-2005, 06:48 AM

Very true indeed! I especially like that one:

"ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is."

espo · 12-21-2005, 09:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dante

Very true indeed! I especially like that one:

"ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is."

Oh god this is so true....

Funny story. When me and my wife bought our house a few years ago we went about repainting almost every room (well I painted she gave directions). We went to the paint store and bought countless gallons of paint for each room (each room has at least 3 different colors in it). In one case we did not get the color for the trim. I wanted to finish up the room, but she didn't want to go to the paint store with me. She tells me the color that it should be so I (like an idiot because I didn't know any better yet), went to the store and bought some. Got home, tapped off the trim, and painted it. She got home and said "No thats the wrong color". At least I didn't pull the tape down yet. I then proceded to put her in the car to go to the store and get the "correct" color. It was literaly on the next paint card over from what I got!!! I couldn't even tell the differece between them, but she could (BTW I'm and engineer and she is an artist). Went home and re-painted the trim.

I have yet to this day see the difference in the color. I learned a valuable lesson, I will NEVER buy paint (even "white") without her being there!!

Dante · 12-21-2005, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by espo89

Oh god this is so true....

Funny story. When me and my wife bought our house a few years ago we went about repainting almost every room (well I painted she gave directions). We went to the paint store and bought countless gallons of paint for each room (each room has at least 3 different colors in it). In one case we did not get the color for the trim. I wanted to finish up the room, but she didn't want to go to the paint store with me. She tells me the color that it should be so I (like an idiot because I didn't know any better yet), went to the store and bought some. Got home, tapped off the trim, and painted it. She got home and said "No thats the wrong color". At least I didn't pull the tape down yet. I then proceded to put her in the car to go to the store and get the "correct" color. It was literaly on the next paint card over from what I got!!! I couldn't even tell the differece between them, but she could (BTW I'm and engineer and she is an artist). Went home and re-painted the trim.

I have yet to this day see the difference in the color. I learned a valuable lesson, I will NEVER buy paint (even "white") without her being there!!

AHAHAHA, seriously, just a minute ago my girlfriend called me up because she needed an opinion about a plum-olive-coloured shirt! I was like WTF?!?!

UncleWede · 12-21-2005, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dante

she needed an opinion about a plum-olive-coloured shirt!

"No, it doesn't go with your skin tone" Even if you have no Fing clue what color she's talking about, that can get you out of some jams.

scottz5 · 12-21-2005, 11:44 AM

I like shopping!

Enroutte · 12-21-2005, 04:46 PM

some of that is really insensitive. MEN. PSHH.

i love the color thing though. ;D whats muave?

nyyankee · 12-21-2005, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jcoo085

1.A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor

HAHAHA
I thought this one was funny.

zdognaylor · 12-21-2005, 05:46 PM

I really hope all you women realize that all of this is true. So now start applying what you have learned.

shimshimhada · 12-21-2005, 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enroutte

some of that is really insensitive. MEN. PSHH.

i love the color thing though. ;D whats muave?

If you don't know what mauve is...

Ghunger · 12-21-2005, 05:57 PM

I don't really think the color thing applies to most of us here. Just put up a thread about which color blue is best (mystic, monaco, le mans, oriental, cosmic, interlagos, onyx to name a few.) and see how many replies it gets.

jcoo085 · 12-21-2005, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ghunger

I don't really think the color thing applies to most of us here. Just put up a thread about which color blue is best (mystic, monaco, le mans, oriental, cosmic, interlagos, onyx to name a few.) and see how many replies it gets.

Yes, but we're talking about cars. Which is the same as talking about sex and sport. So that rule doesn't apply.

Ghunger · 12-21-2005, 06:17 PM

Hmm, good point

deutschmann59 · 12-21-2005, 08:24 PM

Pumpkin is a fruit???

shimshimhada · 12-21-2005, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sharp1183

Pumpkin is a fruit???

It's more fruit than a vegetable.

saalim · 12-21-2005, 09:33 PM

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days

Women have wicked memory. Following this rule will cut arguments by atleast 80%.

saalim · 12-21-2005, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enroutte

some of that is really insensitive. MEN. PSHH.

i love the color thing though. ;D whats muave?

mauve :

of a pale to moderate greyish violet color

is a pale grayed pink-lilac color, one of many in the range of purples. It is more gray and more blue than a pale tint of magenta would be

...or as I like to call it : fuckin PURPLE!!!!!

BellasBmw · 12-21-2005, 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by saalim

mauve :

of a pale to moderate greyish violet color

is a pale grayed pink-lilac color, one of many in the range of purples. It is more gray and more blue than a pale tint of magenta would be

...or as I like to call it : fuckin PURPLE!!!!!

Dante · 12-22-2005, 04:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UncleWede

"No, it doesn't go with your skin tone" Even if you have no Fing clue what color she's talking about, that can get you out of some jams.

Good one! I´ll try to remember that, thanx!

Enroutte · 12-22-2005, 10:56 AM

I hate guys who pee all over the place. I seroiusly dont think men know how to aim and or they just choose not to. EVERYTIME i go into a bathroom after a guy, there is pee on the bottom of the toilet on the floor like.. you guys let it dripp there on purpose. That's so gross and it makes your bathroom ugly.

Whenever my guy friends come over I make them sit and pee. I know, I know, it's so "UNMANLYYYY" and takes away from their manhood, but they've all gotten over it. I hateee pisss stains.

12-20-2005, 06:35 PM	#1
jcoo085 Lieutenant 43 Rep 463 Posts Drives: E90 320d Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Stuttgart, Germany iTrader: (0) Garage List 2005 320d [0.00]	Men's Rules We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules: Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1.Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that 1.Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1.Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be 1.Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1.Crying is blackmail. 1.Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! JUST SAY IT! 1.‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question 1.Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for 1.A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor 1.Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days 1.If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us 1.If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one 1.You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself 1.Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials 1.Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we 1.ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1.If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1.If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle 1.If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear 1.When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really 1.Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as: Sex, Sport, or Cars 1.You have enough clothes 1.You have too many shoes 1.I am in shape. Round is a shape. 1.Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping. __________________ E90 320d - Black Ext/Fluid Grey Int \| Steptronic \| Business Navigation \| PDC \| Sunroof \| Alarm Exterior Pictures \| Interior Pictures \| Video
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12-20-2005, 06:38 PM	#2
BellasBmw If love is the answer,please rephrase the question 335 Rep 1,731 Posts Drives: Tit Silver 325i Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: San Diego, Ca iTrader: (1) Garage List 2006 325i [0.00]	F-ing men.. So true.. __________________ ~~BellasBmw~~ Proud mama to 325i/TiAg/Black lette/Pwr seats/Sirius/Sport/Walnut/Step/Xenons/Chrome exhaust/20% tint
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12-21-2005, 06:34 AM	#3
Broken1 Addict 210 Rep 2,075 Posts Drives: 2024 X5 40i M-Sport Join Date: May 2005 Location: Ontario iTrader: (0)	HAHAHA :-) I should give that to my girlfriend hahah...I just laughed so hard!!!
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12-21-2005, 06:48 AM	#4
Dante Enthusiast 476 Rep 1,789 Posts Drives: F87 M2 / F31 330d Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Bavaria iTrader: (0) Garage List 2004 E46 BMW M3 [0.00] 2017 F87 BMW M2 [10.00] 2013 F31 330d Touring [9.50] 2009 E89 Z4 Sdrive 30i [9.00] 1989 E30 320is 2-door [10.00] 1986 E28 M535i [9.00]	Very true indeed! I especially like that one: "ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is."
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12-21-2005, 11:44 AM	#8
scottz5 Lieutenant Colonel 97 Rep 1,730 Posts Drives: 13 F10 535xi & 11.75 E93 M3 Join Date: May 2005 Location: Earth iTrader: (0)	I like shopping! __________________ 13 F10 535xi JB/B working on it 11.75 E93 M3 MR/Black Stock (wifey) 11 F10 535i AW/CB Mods Gone
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12-21-2005, 04:46 PM	#9
Enroutte Private First Class 172 Rep 160 Posts Drives: ;D Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Undecided. iTrader: (0)	some of that is really insensitive. MEN. PSHH. i love the color thing though. ;D whats muave?
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12-21-2005, 05:46 PM	#11
zdognaylor Private First Class 25 Rep 165 Posts Drives: 325i electric red Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: VA iTrader: (0)	I really hope all you women realize that all of this is true. So now start applying what you have learned. __________________ This one time at band camp...........
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12-21-2005, 05:57 PM	#13
Ghunger Major 56 Rep 1,024 Posts Drives: 330i Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Seattle, WA iTrader: (0)	I don't really think the color thing applies to most of us here. Just put up a thread about which color blue is best (mystic, monaco, le mans, oriental, cosmic, interlagos, onyx to name a few.) and see how many replies it gets.
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12-21-2005, 06:17 PM	#15
Ghunger Major 56 Rep 1,024 Posts Drives: 330i Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Seattle, WA iTrader: (0)	Hmm, good point
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12-21-2005, 08:24 PM	#16
deutschmann59 Captain 184 Rep 737 Posts Drives: 2006 325i Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: e90post.com iTrader: (0)	Pumpkin is a fruit???
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12-21-2005, 09:33 PM	#18
saalim Non Resident 34 Rep 265 Posts Drives: 2006 325i Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: New Jersey iTrader: (0) Garage List 2006 325i [0.00]	Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days Women have wicked memory. Following this rule will cut arguments by atleast 80%. __________________ Regards SM 2006 325i \| 6MT \| Black Sapphire Metallic/Terra Leather/Burl Walnut \| ZPP/ZCW \| Premium Sound/Navigation/Xenon/PDC/Satellite Radio
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12-22-2005, 10:56 AM	#22
Enroutte Private First Class 172 Rep 160 Posts Drives: ;D Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Undecided. iTrader: (0)	I hate guys who pee all over the place. I seroiusly dont think men know how to aim and or they just choose not to. EVERYTIME i go into a bathroom after a guy, there is pee on the bottom of the toilet on the floor like.. you guys let it dripp there on purpose. That's so gross and it makes your bathroom ugly. Whenever my guy friends come over I make them sit and pee. I know, I know, it's so "UNMANLYYYY" and takes away from their manhood, but they've all gotten over it. I hateee pisss stains.
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